[ 100 pages of "Jill Rosfield" written inside hearts, tbh. (But, in all seriousness, if those journals are about the things that Clive wanted to commit to memory in all the years that he spent either feeling numb or being so busy preoccupied with doing instead of sitting and remembering the present, there is absolutely no way that a healthy chunk of his entries aren't about Jill: how she kept him human through the worst of his days, how he wanted to immortalize even the briefest conversations with her, to make sure he remembers 'Clive Rosfield' and not just 'Cid the Outlaw'.)
He loves Jill so much. He sweeps his fingers through her hair, covetous and indulgent, as much for his own sake as the gesture is for hers. ]
They might have. [ (Ifrit and Shiva, always lovers in all the other universes.) ] Or we could simply have defied our odds, as we've ever been doing.
[ Fire and ice, usually never to meet. Fuck that, honestly. ] My aether calls to yours. Every part of me belongs to you.
[Jill's smile is warm and serene as she holds his gaze. What she did to deserve this man, she doesn't know, but she wants to be worthy of his love every day. She wants to make him feel loved and cherished, always.]
And I, you. Never will I take what you've given me for granted, Clive.
[They both know how fragile life is, after all. Stability could be lost in a moment. Lives, ruined. The backs of her fingers trail over his cheek.]
I always wanted to be your wife.
[Because, fuck it, they're practically married. He can find the right moment and she won't rush him, but she's sure the feeling is mutual. Even if she doesn't know the contents of any journals.]
[ Oh. His wife. He'd gotten flustered over the lack of a ring earlier that day, but how Jill phrases it now― always wanted to be his wife― makes his heart stutter in his chest.
Please, don't make him cry. He feels like he does so much of it around Jill, but he can't help it; she inspires so much emotion in him. ]
I never dared hope. [ Not even when he was a child, when marriage prospects seemed so far away. It'd seemed like Anabella was just waiting for the day he would trip and break his neck so that she wouldn't have to deal with even speaking his name, let alone arrange a future for him. ] But, if you were―
―'Jill Rosfield' does have a certain ring to it.
[ Misty-eyed. All these years spent aura farming around Valisthea, and he's still just a boy in front of the woman he loves. ]
[Oh, Clive. Don't get misty-eyed about this particular thing because Jill will follow suit. There are a lot of emotions today, most full of love and joy, but some are bittersweet. They should have never lost any time together. The future will have to make up for the past.]
It does, doesn't it?
[She says softly, fingers carding through his hair before resting at the back of his neck. If she was to be anyone's wife, it would be his. In another life she was married off to some minor lord, returning to Rosaria rarely, and her heart would break each time she saw him.
At least they avoided that. The only silver lining to the violently abrupt end to their childhood.]
Husband would be quite the new title for you. Not too dull of one, I hope.
[She teases him, hoping to steer them both away from tears.]
[ If Jill was hoping not to make Clive cry, well. She says 'husband', which is enough to open his floodgates just a sliver.
They're happy tears, mind. Just a few little streaks of moisture, rolling from black lashes down and along his scarred cheek. ]
I would wear it proudly. [ In this life and in the next, and every one hereafter. If the Night of Flames didn't happen, and they were all of them still vassals of Rosaria, he thinks he might have fought for a spot by Jill's side. ] I'd live every day wanting to be worthy of it.
[ He touches his palm to Jill's face, thumb tracing along her cheek, her jaw. He almost can't believe any of this is real― that she could be so gracious in extending such happiness to him, so freely. ]
[Now he's got her started. Just a slight wetness on her lashes, but she's only happy, too. Her thumb wipes over his cheek as she nuzzles hers into his palm.]
You're worthy of it, Clive. You're worthy of all the love I have to offer.
[ Now they're both crying! Absurd, but in the best way. Clive laughs, his heart five sizes too big in his chest, and tries to wipe some of the moisture away from the corner of Jill's eyes. ]
...Then you'll make a greedy man of me yet. [ Fueled by her love, stronger for it. ] Careful, Jill.
I see no problem with that. All your life, you've never been given the freedom to be greedy... if it's with me, I welcome it. My love for you is infinite.
[She catches his hand with her own to kiss his fingers. Damp eyes stay on his, a smile on her lips.]
[ God, Jill deserves more than just sweet words traded in bed. If their lives were more normal, if they were allowed the grace of living together in less dire circumstances, there would have been rings and vows and ceremonies, and he would have been able to declare their union in witness of others. There's only so much Clive can do, being who he is and doing what he does; he's deprived Jill of so much because of it.
But that seems to matter less and less, when Jill is looking at him like that. Speaking to him like that. Saying husband with such conviction.
He lets her take his hand, and lets a few more tears roll down his face. For good measure. ]
My lady. [ A love-stained smile, and he kisses the crown of her head. ] ...I trust you to temper my greed if it becomes too much.
[ A warning??? Maybe. Sighing in contentment, Clive settles and flicks his gaze momentarily to the side, towards his desk where his journal is sitting― he'll have to write a new entry in the morning, just so he doesn't forget anything about this night. ]
[If he wants all her attention, he has it. If he wants her in bed, he has her. Only ever tears of joy between them, because they love one another so much that it can overwhelm, but that's not a bad thing.]
Be greedy, let me take care of you as you take care of everyone around you... they're not big asks, hmm?
[She smiles up at him, playing with his fingers idly as she studies his face. He's not just handsome, he's beautiful, tears and all. No brand or scar could detract from how much she enjoys simply looking upon him.]
[ In another life, Clive, the worst person in the world, will make his five-year delayed love confession in witness of EVERYONE in the Hideaway, and kiss her where EVERYONE can see before peace-ing the fuck out. He is the worst person on earth, and yet... here's Jill, giving him the grace he doesn't deserve.
A vague sound, happy, and he tips his head into her touch. ]
You've always taken care of me. [ Not just in battle, but emotionally. He knows she's not talking about that, though. ] But―
―if you want to spoil me, [ is a weird thing for him to say, and it sounds stilted in his mouth. Unsure. ] Maybe you could accompany me to Dalimil tomorrow.
[Said without hesitation. She's always eager to be by his side, when their responsibilities allow it. Jill, unfortunately, assumes this is not a date. It doesn't change her level of interest, however. By his side is where she's supposed to be, after all.]
[ A soft ah, as he realizes that she thinks it's work-related, not play-related. ]
There might be. [ Chances are there will be, honestly. It seems trouble finds them no matter where they go. ] But, no, I'd thought...
[ An evaluative flick of his eyes, as if to gauge Jill's reaction preemptively. ] ...That we might go to one of their bathhouses together. I hear good things about the hot springs in the area.
[ Even helped a guy not go out of business, that one time! ]
[An oh comes from Jill, smile turning sheepish. For pleasure, not business. What a delightful change, and she laughs softly.]
That's a lovely idea, Clive. What time shall we depart?
[She can't wait--but she also needs to speak to Tarja, first and foremost. There's no way time in a bathhouse with Clive doesn't lead to more opportunities to end up pregnant. Abstinence is absolutely out of the question, now.]
[ Obviously he knew she'd agree, but Clive is still pleased with Jill's acceptance anyway. It lights up his expression, blue eyes widening for a heartbeat of a moment in something that might be read as awe. Like he still can't believe that he's lucky enough that she gives him the time of day. ]
I'll have to speak to Otto in the morning, but we should be able to leave afterwards.
[ Just a few updates on Cursebreaker activities, making sure the books are balanced, and reassuring him that he'll be back to take care of anything outstanding. The usual. ] You can... relax. You must be tired.
[Just enough time to confess her sins to Tarja and escape before Clive gets pulled into hot water with her. Deserved, but still a thing Jill would like for them to avoid.]
I have no bones left in my body. You relax.
[For no bones, her arms aren't lacking strength when they pull him down to her.]
[ Will Tarja kill Clive before he can take Jill to Dalimil???? Stay tuned. A thing for future Clive to worry about, though, since he's being pulled down into Jill's orbit again, cuddled against her like the biggest stuffed animal the world has ever seen.
Happily held, he rests against her and closes his eyes. Content in a way he's never know, still thinking about husband and how warm that makes him feel. He'll be thinking about that, and the feeling of having been inside her, for a good long while. ]
Alright, alright. [ He'll rest, now that he's made plans (an excuse) to stay close to Jill the next day as well. ] Rest with me, my boneless lady.
[ A little smile, and he winds the blankets around them a little tighter. He's going to sleep like a log, tonight. ]
[Every time Clive curls up with her, she can't imagine being more cozy and comfortable. And then the next time somehow manages to feel even better. She's happy for this weighted blanket made of lovable man, and she squeezes him for a long moment before relaxing her hold, but keeping her arms around him.]
A rest we've earned.
[Him, especially. Jill hums, warm and content, and easily drifts off to sleep.]
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He loves Jill so much. He sweeps his fingers through her hair, covetous and indulgent, as much for his own sake as the gesture is for hers. ]
They might have. [ (Ifrit and Shiva, always lovers in all the other universes.) ] Or we could simply have defied our odds, as we've ever been doing.
[ Fire and ice, usually never to meet. Fuck that, honestly. ] My aether calls to yours. Every part of me belongs to you.
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And I, you. Never will I take what you've given me for granted, Clive.
[They both know how fragile life is, after all. Stability could be lost in a moment. Lives, ruined. The backs of her fingers trail over his cheek.]
I always wanted to be your wife.
[Because, fuck it, they're practically married. He can find the right moment and she won't rush him, but she's sure the feeling is mutual. Even if she doesn't know the contents of any journals.]
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Please, don't make him cry. He feels like he does so much of it around Jill, but he can't help it; she inspires so much emotion in him. ]
I never dared hope. [ Not even when he was a child, when marriage prospects seemed so far away. It'd seemed like Anabella was just waiting for the day he would trip and break his neck so that she wouldn't have to deal with even speaking his name, let alone arrange a future for him. ] But, if you were―
―'Jill Rosfield' does have a certain ring to it.
[ Misty-eyed. All these years spent aura farming around Valisthea, and he's still just a boy in front of the woman he loves. ]
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It does, doesn't it?
[She says softly, fingers carding through his hair before resting at the back of his neck. If she was to be anyone's wife, it would be his. In another life she was married off to some minor lord, returning to Rosaria rarely, and her heart would break each time she saw him.
At least they avoided that. The only silver lining to the violently abrupt end to their childhood.]
Husband would be quite the new title for you. Not too dull of one, I hope.
[She teases him, hoping to steer them both away from tears.]
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They're happy tears, mind. Just a few little streaks of moisture, rolling from black lashes down and along his scarred cheek. ]
I would wear it proudly. [ In this life and in the next, and every one hereafter. If the Night of Flames didn't happen, and they were all of them still vassals of Rosaria, he thinks he might have fought for a spot by Jill's side. ] I'd live every day wanting to be worthy of it.
[ He touches his palm to Jill's face, thumb tracing along her cheek, her jaw. He almost can't believe any of this is real― that she could be so gracious in extending such happiness to him, so freely. ]
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You're worthy of it, Clive. You're worthy of all the love I have to offer.
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...Then you'll make a greedy man of me yet. [ Fueled by her love, stronger for it. ] Careful, Jill.
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[She catches his hand with her own to kiss his fingers. Damp eyes stay on his, a smile on her lips.]
My husband.
[They don't need rings or a ceremony.]
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But that seems to matter less and less, when Jill is looking at him like that. Speaking to him like that. Saying husband with such conviction.
He lets her take his hand, and lets a few more tears roll down his face. For good measure. ]
My lady. [ A love-stained smile, and he kisses the crown of her head. ] ...I trust you to temper my greed if it becomes too much.
[ A warning??? Maybe. Sighing in contentment, Clive settles and flicks his gaze momentarily to the side, towards his desk where his journal is sitting― he'll have to write a new entry in the morning, just so he doesn't forget anything about this night. ]
dear diary: we did it 💖
[If he wants all her attention, he has it. If he wants her in bed, he has her. Only ever tears of joy between them, because they love one another so much that it can overwhelm, but that's not a bad thing.]
Be greedy, let me take care of you as you take care of everyone around you... they're not big asks, hmm?
[She smiles up at him, playing with his fingers idly as she studies his face. He's not just handsome, he's beautiful, tears and all. No brand or scar could detract from how much she enjoys simply looking upon him.]
dear diary: we fucked and i cried about it 💖
A vague sound, happy, and he tips his head into her touch. ]
You've always taken care of me. [ Not just in battle, but emotionally. He knows she's not talking about that, though. ] But―
―if you want to spoil me, [ is a weird thing for him to say, and it sounds stilted in his mouth. Unsure. ] Maybe you could accompany me to Dalimil tomorrow.
[ As like... a date...!!! Not a mission...! ]
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[Said without hesitation. She's always eager to be by his side, when their responsibilities allow it. Jill, unfortunately, assumes this is not a date. It doesn't change her level of interest, however. By his side is where she's supposed to be, after all.]
Is there trouble?
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There might be. [ Chances are there will be, honestly. It seems trouble finds them no matter where they go. ] But, no, I'd thought...
[ An evaluative flick of his eyes, as if to gauge Jill's reaction preemptively. ] ...That we might go to one of their bathhouses together. I hear good things about the hot springs in the area.
[ Even helped a guy not go out of business, that one time! ]
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That's a lovely idea, Clive. What time shall we depart?
[She can't wait--but she also needs to speak to Tarja, first and foremost. There's no way time in a bathhouse with Clive doesn't lead to more opportunities to end up pregnant. Abstinence is absolutely out of the question, now.]
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I'll have to speak to Otto in the morning, but we should be able to leave afterwards.
[ Just a few updates on Cursebreaker activities, making sure the books are balanced, and reassuring him that he'll be back to take care of anything outstanding. The usual. ] You can... relax. You must be tired.
[ A quick kiss to her forehead, as punctuation. ]
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I have no bones left in my body. You relax.
[For no bones, her arms aren't lacking strength when they pull him down to her.]
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Happily held, he rests against her and closes his eyes. Content in a way he's never know, still thinking about husband and how warm that makes him feel. He'll be thinking about that, and the feeling of having been inside her, for a good long while. ]
Alright, alright. [ He'll rest, now that he's made plans (an excuse) to stay close to Jill the next day as well. ] Rest with me, my boneless lady.
[ A little smile, and he winds the blankets around them a little tighter. He's going to sleep like a log, tonight. ]
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A rest we've earned.
[Him, especially. Jill hums, warm and content, and easily drifts off to sleep.]