[There it is, that flicker of emotion, that subtle realisation that he's imbued Clive with more than just his chroma. Maybe it's a bit arrogant, a bit presumptuous in his own right, to watch pink bloom across his lover's cheeks and claim the credit, but it's also part of the reason he's so drawn to music. To touch someone with a single piece, to be seen and heard and understood even in abstract notions, to be able to find other ways to express a love when words feel either overwhelming or inadequate.
Verso looks down in turn, taking Clive's hands in his own, lifting them to kiss each palm.]
Not here. I don't want to spoil the surprise. Uh, more than I already have.
[Which isn't overly much, at least in his perspective. There's only so much he can convey with humming, its language so different from that of the piano, and even if what they share is defined by imperfection, he wants the moment Clive hears it for the first time to be as close to perfect as he can manage.
Perfect like the music reverberating through him now, courtesy of Clive's chroma. His heart starts beating in the unconstrained rhythm of a wildfire, a tempo he can only hope to achieve with his own music, an eclipsing passion that has him leaning in to kiss starlight against Clive's lips, leaving some behind to twinkle when they part, his own mark that'll soon wash away.
Still, it would be a waste of time if he never came up with anything. It's rare, it's devastatingly rare, how little time he has to sit with a piano and think through something new. So, a counteroffer:]
But! We could compose something. [With a hard emphasis on we.] Maybe a song for Joshua? You tell me what you want to say, and I put to music.
that's the Verso Dies Ending song.....................
[ A tip of his head, at "not here". To be fair, Verso's had plenty of opportunities to compose in secret on the road, but it feels like they've been glued at the hip since... the Battlefield, actually. Maybe Clive's been crowding him a bit since then, magnetized after sharing chroma and sharing grief and then trading the forbidden I love yous; much as he adores Verso, he doesn't want his affection to be a cage or an obligation.
So. Note to self, to ease up. Which doesn't mean that he doesn't accept the kisses, which he does with open appreciation and the kind of full-bodied smile that speaks to how much he appreciates everything he's ever given. Verso, again, is the only man in the world that can make Clive greedy.
That appreciation and light only grows at the topic of a joint composition for Joshua. ]
If the maestro will do me the honor of working with him. [ He can appreciate someone serious about their craft not wanting a novice to waddle around and ruin his piece, but he's grown just selfish enough to want to share Verso's interests regardless. ] ...I'd like that.
[ And honestly, as objectively terrible as it is that Joshua, too, has a Nevron painted into him, the fact that it's a bird feels... apt. Clive has always wanted his brother to have the wings to fly wherever he so chooses, up and up and away.
One last dunk under the water, and Clive sits back up. ]
[It feels a little strange, being called that and calling himself it in turn. Broadly because it's a throwback to better times and to the kind of teasing he'd become accustomed to whenever he'd get a bit carried away, but also because that feels like several lifetimes ago. He's only really kept the music with him; the rest grew too painful to think about at some point. Probably around when he realised he wasn't likely to ever make new, lasting memories with new people ever again.
That's certainly changed. Memories surround and suffuse him. The bathwater sparkles with them; the air carries their scent. Verso's lips still bear the remnants of the tickle of Clive's smile, and his heart may well be glowing with all the firelight it contains.
So, he watches him with effusive fondness as he slips under the water, reaching up to squeeze his own hair a bit drier at his cue. There is, perhaps, something to say about the thought of being sick and useless together, sharing heat under soft blankets, trapping themselves in the divide between needing to get up and move and never wanting to leave the security of whatever shelter they claim, but Verso keeps the thought to himself. At some point, they do have to head back out into the unreal-real world. It may be a few days away, but things feel so good right now that he should probably get a head start on bracing himself.]
And okay, okay.
[Which doesn't mean he can't indulge in the present. So, he leans forward one last time to press a kiss to Clive's forehead, then unplugs the tub. The cooling water makes way for far cooler air, and Verso shivers as he rises to his feet and steps out of the tub, dripping on the floor in all his forestman glory as he grabs one of the towels – stupidly luxuriously soft, and consequently not the best at drying but some sacrifices are worthwhile – and works himself the rest of the way dry.]
You'd think perfect health would be one of the benefits of immortality but I guess that would've ruined the immersion.
[Thanks, Mom.]
he'll ugly cry for 100 years and then die of dehydration
[ The tub drains, but the scent of bergamot and sandalwood lingers; as he gets up and perches himself on the edge of the tub, watching Verso dry himself off with one of the ludicrously fluffy towels, Clive thinks that he'll remember this moment for a long, long time. Verso framed in the moonlight streaming from the oversized window, limbs bare and skin flushed, relaxed and resplendent in this snapshot second of uncomplicated peace.
It's the sort of perfect beauty that not even art could emulate. Which is why Clive's brows furrow when Verso mentions immersion, and gets up from his lounging lean to press his still-damp body against Verso's towel-dried back as punishment. Sure, he understands the terms of his lover's existence, but he never likes it when it's framed in terms that make Verso sound more alien.
(For the millionth time: pot, kettle.) ]
If you ever do get sick, Joshua can vouch for my skills as a nurse.
[ Professional caretaker, despite Anabella's attempts to shoo Clive away from his brother as often as she could. Failure, in her world, was apparently contagious, and Clive was the embodiment of it.
He plucks another towel from the pile, and gently rubs it over back-and-white hair. Terminally incapable of not tending to Verso when he has the opportunity to. ]
...Who used to care for you when you were ill? Clea?
[ Stern-faced, whipcrack Clea. As unpleasant as it remains to recall her and her serrated words, Clive can appreciate that her austerity must come from deep, deep grief. She must have loved her brother terribly, to have let that love turn to so much rage. ]
he needs a torgal to sop up at least some of those tears; they should adopt that fluffy pink nevron
[At least Clive's still-damp body is warm; having to towel off whatever water he leaves behind is a small price to pay for that shielding against the chill of the air, so Verso leans into it, hardly feeling punished at all. There is a part of him that thinks to chide Clive for other reasons – like how he leaves himself damp as he works Verso's hair dry instead – but why call out one man's stubbornness when they can be stubborn together? So he opens up his towel and wraps it around them both, running towel-covered hands across his big, soft, doofus of a lover's back.
The increased proximity has another bonus: Clive can't see the way Verso's expression twists at the question. He does have those memories – both the real Verso's and the false life he himself had been given in Lumiere – but the whole of his actual experiences were as an adult, taking care of himself at first, being taken care of by Julie later. He never really knows what to claim as his own, what to pretend hasn't shaped him, but the earnestness of Clive's question makes it easier for him to, in this moment, let those memories be real.]
Maman and Papa were always busy so, yeah. Clea was the only one there.
[Beyond that, his memories are in conflict with each other. The real Verso's inform him that Renoir would take care of him when he'd noticed his son was sick, but his own false memories slot Aline into that role. It's hard for him to believe, sometimes, that she was never there, but rationally he realises it's the truth of things, even if his heart keeps trying to find ways to convince him otherwise.]
She'd never let me return the favour. Anytime she got sick, I knew not to expect to see her until she was feeling better.
[Which had been devastating for him as a boy, so lonely despite being surrounded by people, so in need of comforts rare enough that he had to find them in the squish of a stuffed toy. A sensitive child, he'd been called. Another conflict in his memories; the real Verso had been chastised for it, but he was given much more freedom to be himself.
Funny how it only resulted in him being more liberal with his wearing of masks.]
Don't think I'll put up with that from you, though.
[Said a bit teasingly but he's stone serious. If Clea has taught him one thing, it's the importance of insisting on being present.]
clive wants VERSO!!! (but they do deserve emotional support fluffs)
[ The bit about Aline and Renoir put Clea's vehemence into perspective. With her still fresh on his mind, Clive is able to hear her voice and give it the context of an eldest child tired of her parents' negligence: the I have to do everything around here is given more weight and substance. It must have been the case that Clea had to bear the burdens of adulthood far earlier than she should have, and that Verso fell under her purview with urgent necessity.
He can't imagine that Verso would have been a difficult child to take care of, though, but that's Clive's bias speaking. By now, he's maneuvered himself so that they're chest-to-chest, and has repurposed the towel that he'd used to dry Verso's hair to do something about the mop of his own.
A little muffled, under the fluffy fabric: ] It seems the Dessendre children all had to raise each other.
[ Clumsily, which is to be expected. They were all fucking children. A part of Clive relates, what with his own absent mother and his busy father (though Clive has 100 ways to justify why Elwin was never there, off doing more important, world-changing things); it was his father's long-time friend and their neighbor, Rodney Murdoch, who had assumed a caretaking role when Clive was really in need of some adult intervention.
And while it's sad, thinking of Clea holing herself up while Verso worried, Clive can't help but laugh under his breath when Verso levels that ultimatum. He peeks out from under his towel, blue eyes soft and resigned. ]
It would be more difficult for me, without a manor to hide in. [ A tip of the head, wolfish. ] ...But, as always, you know me far too well.
[ Because he might have felt inclined. Not to hide, exactly, but to omit－ though he knows now that that would only have hurt Verso more than helped. ] I'll remind myself not to let old habits get in the way. Not with you.
[The whole raising each other thing definitely got worse as Clea got older, reaching its fever pitch when Alicia was born and Clea was expected to be as good at being a nanny-sister as she was at doing everything else. Except she hadn't taken naturally to the task at all. Verso has memories of how cruel Clea could be towards their little sister, how much more barbed her words became once Alicia started being able to understand them. She loved her in a way, too – knew her better than anyone else – but still. Those early choices, made while she was too young to understand the effects her own actions, still ripple to this day.
And all because one woman was dedicated to painting and one man was dedicated to her and the whole of the world, even the small one contained within the wails they'd had erected, barely mattered by comparison.
Verso lets out a sigh, not wanting to burden Clive with even more Dessendre family drama when it already dominates (hee) the core of his existence, and focuses instead on that airy laugh, that guilty-as-charged peek, blue eyes shining from behind the shadows of the towel.]
Good. Because I meant it when I said I'm going to spoil you. Especially when you're not feeling well.
[Which, of course, means different things for different people. Verso thinks of that cliché of someone being fanned and fed grapes while sitting splayed out on some fancy chair. That's not his idea of being spoiled – it's too isolating, for one – but maybe Clive is a grapes-and-circulated-air kind of guy. The fact is that Verso doesn't know. Maybe Clive doesn't, either, given everything he's shared about his past. Hell, when Verso tries to picture how he might have responded before the two of them collided into love, he's not sure he would have been able to come up with anything. He didn't deserve to be spoiled. All he wanted was rest.
That bit of presumed relatability softens Verso's expression as he contemplates the gentleness of Clive's features, the light that shines through them when he smiles, the peace that washes over them when he's relaxed. He wants to know everything about how to bring those things about.]
But I need a little help, so... What's a perfect evening look like for you?
[A pause, then another impish little grin.]
Or I could ask Joshua.
opens up microsoft word to write a 500000 word fic about clive crying over verso's petals
[ The Dessendre family drama is fascinating in the sense that it continues to provide more and more context for why the world is what it is, but it also has the capacity to fry Clive's brain a bit; or make him impotently angry at the people who put Verso in this situation, which is actually kind of a constant. An indignation that hovers above Clive always, a high-frequency sound that he can't hear but can sense.
He lets his focus swim away from it, and towards the topic of his own spoiling and what that might look like. There's a moment that passes as he rakes the towel one last time over the wild eruption of his hair and wraps it around his waist (in the barest semblance of unnecessary modesty), a few moments of real contemplation, before it's interrupted by a soft, bemused bark of a laugh. ]
Joshua? [ To the tune of oh god. ] I can't imagine what he'd tell you.
[ Not in a bad way－ his brother is the sweetest, kindest, bestest little brother in the world who can do no wrong－ but in a 'I really have no idea what he'd say, and that's on me' way. Clive's arms fold over his chest, and he assumes the position of a man who is giving this some Actual Consideration. ]
Anything he'd suggest would be more compelling than my idea of a perfect evening. [ Truly. Clive's answer to the question of how he'd like to be spoiled really boils down to...
...well. This. Spending time with Verso, hearing more about him, giving the silver now nested in his own chest more depth and texture. It's the sort of joy he'd never thought he'd have, and every time he feels it is a fresh new instance of being bowled over by this novel, improbable reality. ]
rabidly refreshes ao3 (no but we should do this somehow)
[So be it, then. Verso casually shrugs, their fates in the hands of the man sleeping across the manor. Though he is admittedly a little bummed that Clive didn't answer for himself, he doesn't try to needle anything more out from him. Besides, there is a definite appeal to finding out what observations Joshua has made about his brother and getting to witness how Clive responds to discovering them himself.]
I like the sound of "compelling."
[He'll still need to come up with something in the meantime, though. As he considers his options, he reaches down to adjust Clive's towel with a hoity-toity fold at the top that'll keep it up as they make their way back to the bedroom. No point in getting dressed, he figures, when they'll just be slipping back under the blankets and not moving again until the morning.
A thought which does give him an idea. They won't be able to be too loud with Joshua asleep a couple of rooms down, but one of the befits of spending so much time hiding away from the world is that he's good at making anything quiet, so as he takes Clive's hand to guide him out of the bathroom, he makes a new attempt at discovery.]
Favourite song, then. Let me perform it for you.
[It feels like a nice end to the day besides, a song made into a lullaby, the soft notes of his guitar fading, fading, fading into whatever dreams might follow. Good dreams, he hopes, as if he can spoil Clive by teasing forth the parts of his subconscious prone to the optimistically fantastical, to the tales of knights and their saints, of the triumph of good, of the true meaning of love.]
you've given me too much power and i've gone mad with it
[ Clive's perfect evening continues to manifest with every passing second. Verso readjusts his towel; it makes Clive's heart swell. Verso takes Clive's hand; it makes his pulse flutter. Is there anything more he could even ask for? Is this not the height of selfish greed? Isn't this far more than he's ever deserved?
Their laced fingers stitch together all the disparate, lonely parts of Clive. Make him feel more like a person, while making the hungry beast in his heart purr. Being spoiled is a strange concept that still gives him pause (the perpetual need to be doing something constantly threatens to rear its head), but he reminds himself of what Verso had said about scales and not needing to balance them－ he'll have to warm to the idea that accepting an act of service is an act of service of its own.
Bare feet plod over the manor floor as they walk back to their bedroom. Clive can tell that Verso is trying to coax the same sort of I-wants that he tried to coax out of Verso, which is why he gives the question the consideration it deserves instead of deferring to whatever the maestro would like to play. ]
Well... [ Founder, he's going to have to hum. He doesn't know the title of the song－ only that Cid used to hum it while he was tinkering with his tools, low and throaty and relaxed. If it's a famous song, Clive wouldn't know; maybe it's something from before the Fracture that was passed on and on and on, for Those Who Came After.
He tries his best with it. His voice struggles a bit, but he pushes through, ears a bit pink.
Once he's done: ]
Cid... used to sing the tune often. It kept me feeling steady when I was younger. More lost.
rubs hands together with such gusto the friction sets the sadmen aflame (again) (sorry, ben starrs)
[It is a familiar melody; partway through Clive's humming, Verso joins him in close harmony as he works his way through the chords and cadences, the things he'd felt when he'd heard and played it for himself for the first time, years and years and years ago, and the most recent time at the urging of the very man Clive names. The Expeditioners needed something more to listen to than wind and crickets, the rumblings of their stomachs and of the ground where nearby Nevrons trod. A slight nervousness strikes him over playing something of such importance to both men, expressions of love and grief already swirling, but that's all the more reason to push himself towards perfection.]
I can see why.
[Of course, he can't know what the song speaks to Clive, but to him, it's melancholic and hopeful, gentled by a violent world, the kind of music that would once ease him into home at the end of a long day. Already, his fingers itch for the strings; instead, they strengthen their grip on Clive's – just as content with this motion – for the rest of walk to the bedroom, letting go once they cross the threshold so he can close the door behind them.
Then it's a simple matter of finding someplace to toss the towels and preparing for bed. Verso doesn't go any further than pulling on a pair of underwear before slipping under the blankets, still seated, leaning back against the headboard. It's like this that he summons his guitar with a casual flick of his wrist, taking a moment to remind his fingers how it feels to play with a brief improvisation – mischievous and complex, like something that might play during A Midsummer Night's Dream. Once satisfied, he lets out a content hum and asks:]
Ready?
[Spoken like a question, though he doesn't really wait for an answer; the music is already starting to transition as he more tentatively tests his memory of the song for a few rounds before letting go and properly playing.]
[ Of course Verso knows the tune－ Clive can imagine Cid heckling the man to play it the moment he knew anything about Verso's aptitude for music, never missing an opportunity to tap into someone else's talent. It'd been the first song Clive's mentor had installed into his rather alarmingly functional jukebox ("the Orchestrion!", Cid's adoptive daughter had dubbed it), and, if Clive can hazard a guess, Cid must have made Verso play it to remind him of the family he'd left behind in Lumiére.
They fall onto the bed (Clive, too, follows suit in tugging on a pair of underwear), and Verso falls into his performance. The first few plucked notes walk before those clever fingers start to run; Clive, seated next to Verso with the polite amount of distance needed for the other man to play properly, watches and appreciates before he lets his eyes slowly shutter, cutting off all senses to concentrate, wholly, on the trajectory of the song.
He misses Cid. Misses the sound of his voice like rolling thunder, his static humor, his amethyst-tinged kindness. Stubborn but hopeful, like the brightening of the sky after a rainstorm. Misses that mess of an apartment turned refuge and home, the characters that would walk in and out of it. Wishes that he could have taken Verso there, into Cid's solar, and recorded songs for Cid's Orchestrion. Hopes that Cid can rest assured in the knowledge that he's found someone who completes him.
There are tears on his face before he can remember to stop them; they flow and roll without melancholy, fondness in every little dot that falls from cheek to chin and down to wrinkled bedsheets. He listens until the last note hangs, and lets out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. A puff of air, shaky. ]
probably some time after the heat death of the universe or the reaper invasion or w/e destroys earth
[Once Verso's fingers begin to move without much thought on his behalf, he loses himself to the music, swaying ever so lightly as he had with Alicia on the piano, seeking out the rhythms in the air and how the mood shifts as the song progresses. In the dim light of the room, it takes him a moment to catch how Clive's tears glisten on his cheeks, and when he does it takes him another moment to convince himself to keep playing. No matter how much he might want to catch those tears on the tips of his fingers. No matter that he'd prefer the sound of Clive giving substance to those tears than the soft song that helped call them forth. This isn't about him.
So, he plays the song through to its last note – at least as far as his memory informs him – then lets silence wash over them while Clive looses that breath, its shakiness music in its own right for how it holds a rhythm Verso won't presume to interpret. Instead, he disappears the guitar back from whence it came, then curls closer towards Clive, finally moving to brush away some of those tears.
The gesture is absent urgency and bears an abundant love, a soft admiration. That it was both Cid's song and a source of steadiness for Clive make the way the music touched him almost feel like an inevitability in hindsight, but Verso hadn't gone into this thinking he was going to make him cry, and so there's a tentativeness to this as well, no less comfortable than before. Really, it just serves to make him a little more present.]
[ It'd been difficult to cry for Cid in the years following his absence. There were those who'd known Cid for far longer, and those that deserved the tears far more than Clive did: Midadol, Gav, countless others. Now, Clive can let his emotions leak from his blue, blue eyes in the comfort of Verso's presence, and in the complete lack of judgment that follows the plaintive lingering of the song's last note.
He leans into Verso's touch. ] You. [ Obviously. Beautiful fingers strumming beautiful chords. Funny, how there doesn't ever seem to be a time when he isn't thinking about Verso in some capacity. But that's not the entirety of what's on his mind, so: ] And Cid.
[ Just as obvious, to the point where it didn't need saying. Clive goes on, his voice a warm, husky murmur. ]
...You already know that Cid was as good an inventor as he was a fighter. [ A man of many, many talents. ] Before he left for his Expedition, he made a sort of... gramophone, that could store and play music. The Orchestrion, we called it.
[ His stomach knots at the memory of Mid sitting in front of it, listening to her father's favorite songs after his departure. ]
I wish I could show it to you. And to have you record something on it. [ For keeps. A piece of Verso, everlasting. ] Cid would have liked that.
[ It's entirely possible that the man in question has already told Verso about his invention, and groused about how mister music prodigy should have dropped by and played a few pieces for Lumiere's posterity. Seems like something Cid would have playfully complained about.
Again, Clive misses him. The sentiment is self-evident, and thus, he doesn't articulate it; he just lists a little closer to Verso, and nuzzles against his hair. ]
[They make music without notes; now, they dance without music, shifting towards each other like flowers to the sun, to the light, Clive finding Verso's hair, Verso finding Clive's, stroking his knuckles along still-damp strands. Like peace. Like respite. Like salvation. Three things that Verso claims with self-surprising ease considering how long-lost he'd once considered them.
It occurs to him, too, how close he'd just been to losing them, the smell of Clive's petals, earthy and smoky and floral, still lingering in the air like a ghost of a threat. Later, it'll probably hit him even harder, that kick to the stomach, that skeletal hand clenched hard around his heart, but right now he clings so hard to the fantasy of more that there's no room for him to consider the nightmare of less.
And maybe it's that love-clouded state that drives what he says next, or maybe it's the simple fact that there's little of himself or of this world that Verso wouldn't offer to Clive to make things just a little bit better, to give him things that he'd otherwise be denied. Either way, he sweeps his hand down to brush his thumb across his cheek.]
You could show it to me. I have... ways of getting us into Lumiere without anyone noticing.
[Not that he's used them much, yet – he will one day, when Alicia arrives in the Canvas only to be reborn as Maelle – but he's always known the importance of the city, of its people, and so one of the first things he did once he regained his grasp on reality and parted ways from Renoir was to figure out how to return should the need arise.
Of course, Verso knows as much as anyone does what it means to return to a home that you've left for good, so he keeps his tone neutral, a question and not a statement, another unhurried possibility to place upon their hoard of nice thoughts to draw from when they have a dearth of them.]
[ All that time spent wondering if I love you would be alright to say, if the weight of those words wouldn't slant Verso's shoulders too much, and now－ now, it's all Clive can think about, the only words he has to articulate the infinite ocean of his affection. A dangerous thing, an obvious vulnerability to be exploited by unscrupulous enemies...
...of which there are likely many. He's run into one of them, at least, though Clive still hesitates to call Clea a clear enemy; a wildcard, maybe. A woman who would do most anything to see her agenda fulfilled, but has discovered that she, too, has lines she can't cross.
Things to think about later. Now, Clive nestles into this comfortable enclosure of their bodies and their safety, out of eyeshot and earshot. ]
Of course you do, [ he sigh-chuckles, about Verso knowing hidden paths that allow him to maneuver this world in ways that no one else can. To some extent, he knows he should be offended by that knowledge－ why hasn't Verso used it to the advantage of other Expeditions? for the people of Lumiere?－ but there's a mirrored understanding of the emotional toll it takes to be persona non grata. Again, Verso was tortured by the woman he fucking loved; there are some wounds that not even pragmatism can heal.
Clive pulls him closer, to emphasize that the information is received without judgment. He doesn't think he could let Verso slip away from him tonight, not for anything. ]
I won't be able to show my face to anyone in Lumiere. [ Survivor's guilt, through and through. He can't bear the thought of being the only one to go back to familiar faces, not when he hasn't earned it. ] ...But I'd like to show you the places that were important to me.
[If Clive were to ask Verso why he's never said anything to the Lumierans, he would offer the whole truth, the selfish and the selfless, the determined and the defeated. Terrified the whole time, certainly, and he'd be surprised if he could look Clive in the eye through the whole of it, but he knows he can't give meaning to any of the promises and vows and dreams and fantasies he's made if he can't commit to being honest.
Another thought to add to their ever-increasing arsenal of later. When they have time. When they have energy. When, perhaps, they have nowhere else to hide from each other. Or, at least when he doesn't.
So, when Clive pulls him close, Verso's all too happy to bury his face in the crook of his neck, warm and cosy, Clive's skin still smelling of the sandalwood oil Verso had incorporated into the soap when he washed his hair. An acknowledging hum follows, one that rises into a note of intrigue at the end.
Lumiere isn't a place Verso has ever really wanted to tour, knowing that everything that was once familiar is gone and everything that remains is home-but-not home, its own scar on the landscape, in a way, for what it speaks of Aline's incessant desperation. But the thought of walking hand-in-hand through the streets, learning about all the places that touched Clive and shaped him into the man he is – that casts Lumiere in a different light. One that he does want to see shine.]
What if I could promise you wouldn't have to?
[How, exactly, he would manage that he keeps to himself. Not to be mysterious or sneaky or anything like that, but rather so that he doesn't come across as trying to encourage him to agree. He just wants him to know what's possible.]
[ In that nebulous space of later, Clive also wants to ask about what parts of Lumière hold significance for Verso. Which parts of it are associated to what kind of memories, and whether any of those memories have anything to do with the woman that he loved.
(A topic that still seems too raw and aching to touch, but a topic that flits in and out of Clive's consciousness at times, regardless. What kind of person she was, what drew Verso to her. Whether there's anything of her that Verso can still remember fondly, or if the possibility of that has been obliterated by the weight of her death.)
Clive steps away from that rabbithole before he can slip down it; elects, instead, to focus more firmly on the question of how they can inhabit the city that neither of them truly belong in anymore. All this talk of the future, and Clive realizes that he'd never imagined one where the both of them return to that fractured city and resume a life before their respective Expeditions.
Hm, he hums, with his arm around Verso's waist and his nose buried in soft streaks of white hair. ]
Then I'd like to be the one escorting you, for a change. [ His hold tightens a fraction, protective and affectionate and covetous, all in one gesture. ] I'd... show you to Cid's apartment. His solar. Then I'd take you to my favorite bistro－ a place called "Martha's"－ and my uncle's old manor.
[ Making his past and present collide. It's hard to keep the fondness out of his voice, hard not to sound eager at the prospect of taking Verso out on what might actually pass for a proper date. ]
It would be nice, to see the man I love in the places I loved.
[Those shifts in Clive's tone convince Verso to do his best to see this promise through. Particularly the eagerness – a profoundly rare commodity on the Continent, where it's usually fed by desperation and despair when it does exist, and not something as pure and wonderful and perfectly ordinary as this.
They can have these things, he reminds himself Just for a few days here and there, just some stolen moments when the Canvas can afford them, and their despair will permit them. Maybe they will always be outliers among the others, but that doesn't make them any less human, and that humanity, in the end, is the only real weapon they wield against the Dessendres.
Being selfish like this isn't something that Verso's accustomed to. It's not something he's completely comfortable with, either, so much more used to rediscovering his humanity while in deep isolation, drunk on too much wine and lost in so many ways that he's yet to find all the pieces of himself that have scattered across this world. That still feels more like what he deserves after everything.
It isn't what Clive deserves, though. Faith is. Belief is. Effort and trust and want and need are. And Verso has love enough to provide him with all that and more.
Warmth, however, isn't his forte. As lovely as it is to lay like this in Clive's arms and absorb his body heat, Verso still has to reach down to pull the blanket up, better covering them both. Maybe their hair is still too damp for this, he thinks as he pulls back a bit to lay forehead-to-forehead with Clive, but with their plans to stay here – and with only Joshua to see them – he can't think of a reason to care. Not when he's this relaxed, nearly comfortable enough to forget what awaits him on the other side of wakefulness.]
All right, it's a date. [Said with his own lilt of eagerness, his own swell of fondness.] I'll wear a suit and everything. Especially if you're taking me out to dinner.
[ They settle, calm and limp-limbed in a way they haven't been allowed to be since... well, they met, really. It's been a demanding, grueling journey of discovery and strife, even ignoring the constant Nevron threat looming behind every corner; it will be an even more demanding, grueling journey after this, but Clive will savor what he has for now.
Which is why he doesn't ask how in the world Verso could manage maneuvering them through Lumière without anyone recognizing him. It'd break the immersion of the moment. He also doesn't ask if Verso has ever been in Lumière while Clive occupied it, because that, too, would put a splinter in this gauzy dream of an uncomplicated dinner in that city of grief.
Instead, Clive leans in for a soft kiss. Just a brief brush, featherlight. Verso has yet to accuse Clive of adoring him a little too much, and thus the fire continues to burn a little hotter, a little brighter with each passing day, each passing minute. A slow boil. Verso should be more careful, perhaps, about stoking this particular flame. ]
Martha's isn't exactly a suit-and-tie establishment. But I won't say no to seeing you in a three-piece. [ A soft laugh, as he rakes his hand up Verso's back, making gentle friction to keep bare skin warm. Affection coats everything he does; he'd like it to be the thing Verso falls asleep to, the last thing Verso thinks of before drifting off into his troubled sleep. That he's loved, cherished. ]
I'll fantasize about it as politely as I can manage.
[Ah. There's a double challenge in what Clive says, an invitation to tease that carries through even in the tenderness of that laugh and fire-crackling tingle of his hands on Verso's back. He lets out his own chuckle, all mischief and trouble, almost affronted by the idea of polite fantasy, though of course that's not the case at all. But Clive has left him an opening, and he is weak, so very weak, to them. So...]
All right, then no tie and a half-buttoned shirt.
[Two birds, one stone. His own hand snakes its way between their bodies, fingers dancing Clive's chest in an approximation of one half of a V, all the way up to his collarbone before flattening out so he can slide his palm down and across, over his heart, a gentled touch absent intent despite what preceded it.
If there is danger to encouraging Clive's affections, Verso hasn't picked up on it at all. Just like with Ifrit. With decades worth of awful frames of reference for how love is supposed to be, he can't help but absorb everything that Clive offers to him, each reminder and every revelation, all the little things and the big things that stitch him back together.]
I'll save the full regalia just for you. You'll be the first to see it since...
[Since Julie, before the Fracture, when life still had its luxuries and he delighted in impressing her the same way he does with Clive. Instead of saying that, though, he digs a bit deeper for the context of the occasion. Not a simple date nor a special event, not a dinner with his family, but...]
[ They're near-naked in bed together, but the fantasy of being half-clothed is just as tantalizing as the bare map of skin currently laid out in front of him in all its glory. Clive warms to the feeling of that hand tracing over his chest, his heart, and imagines the deep cut of an open shirt framing Verso's lovely collarbone, the trim slope of his waist where the same shirt tucks into dark pants.
God, he's so attractive. More attractive is that Verso knows it, and flaunts it with that confident mischief. It makes Clive want to chase and chase.
He traces the line and dip of Verso's hip; follows the waistband of his underwear and feels along Verso's tailbone, then up his spine. Is it unsettling, that he can't seem to get enough? That he doesn't know how to stop loving Verso? Will it be his undoing? ]
You must have had half of Lumière in love with you.
[ Speaking of unhinged adoration. This talented, utterly stunning man, wrapped in a three-piece and making magic on stage. He must have been a fucking vision― perfection poised in front of a piano. ]
Tell me what it felt like, when you were on stage.
[ Did he play for someone? The woman he loved? His family? Did he feel like he was playing for himself and himself only, wrapped in his passion for music and existing solely within it and nowhere else? ]
[A gentle shiver as Clive continues touching him, one that finds Verso's shoulders rising, one that has him letting out a long and somewhat shuddered breath before he ends up scoffing a little at the notion of being some kind of light in Lumiere. As confident as Verso is in certain surface matters, he'd always been a little unsure of how people actually felt about him, whether they were looking to him or to what he represented and if they were wearing their own masks when they'd meet his eyes and smile. He was never alone if he hadn't wanted to be, at least, and it was easy enough for him to surround himself with people, drinks in hand and song in the air, but there were always doubts.
Or so it feels now, anyway. Maybe he had felt more broadly accepted, if not admired, back then, and the way people had turned on him after the Fracture – and the feel of his lover's blade penetrating his heart – has coloured his perception of how people saw him. Add to that the way Expeditioners seem to view him just off centre, human in shape and concept but different in essence, and he often feels more like an intriguing oddity than man with any meaningfully endearing qualities.
Fortunately, it's an observation Clive makes in passing before offering a topic Verso's far more comfortable in addressing. He closes his eyes as he summons forth the memory of performance, one finger tapping against Clive's chest like a metronome as he slips deeper and deeper into one of his past lives.]
Vulnerable. [He starts off with, his voice low and rumbling, almost like a purr.] There I'd be, centre stage, about to let the beauty of the notes bring my heart to the edge of breaking in front of hundreds of people. I wanted them to feel what I was feeling so deeply that I'd end up intimidating myself. But once I started playing, I just... I felt at peace. I mean, my heart was still pounding in my chest, but I knew I was right where I belonged.
[And what a feeling that was, finding himself and learning how it feels to truly have a place in the world, carved out by his own ambitions, fostered into something more by the passion in his own heart. It's little wonder that it's stuck with him.]
[ And that, Clive supposes, is the beauty of art. The opposite of swordplay, which is what Clive has dedicated his entire life to. Instead of steeling and shielding, Verso's music is about externalizing and extolling－ when Verso hovers his hands above ivory keys, he's getting ready to bare his soul in ways Clive can't even imagine.
It's beautiful. It makes sense. Verso, the strongest man that Clive has ever known, who holds the experience of breaking his heart in witness of others sacred. Who revels in vulnerability, where Clive had been taught to eschew it. Among all the color and chaos of this world, Verso is light.
Clive's palm moves up, and cradles the nape of Verso's neck. His thumb slips behind an ear, and massages gently in time to his heartbeat. ]
A space to do something you love. Unapologetically.
[ And to be heard and seen exactly the way Verso wished. Of course that would be empowering; of course that would mean everything. The Dessendres paint, but music is something entirely different－ a form of expression completely unbeholden to the expectations or rules set by discerning parents. Even without the context of the mirrored lives, Verso must have found respite in the fact that the piano, the melodies, the stories he wove with his hands, were his.
The thought of it makes Clive's chest feel tight. It makes Clive renew his resolve to fight and fight and fight for a future that will allow Verso to feel, and not just to suffer. To allow himself the depth of his emotions without the guilt of having them.
Oh, Clive would do anything for Verso. He'll even become a monster, if he must. Anything, anything. ]
Your music is a gift. I've never heard anything like it, which is a testament to who you are and what you're capable of. [ Another kiss, this time to Verso's forehead. ] ...So keep it safe for me.
[Another fraught concept: preserving parts of himself for someone else. For decades this has, of course, meant living beyond reason, an eternal punishment for having died the first time. Never again, each breath he exhales speaks into the world,m and never again each breath he inhales affirms with brutal regularity.
But like so many other things, it feels different with Clive, who wants him to live so that he can die fulfilled; who wants him to build a legacy of happiness, whether he deserves to or not, and to have an impact beyond death. That still feels like something he'll end up disappointing Clive on in the end, no matter their promises, but maybe his family will prove him wrong. Maybe he can turn death into something that happens on its own terms rather than as something to pursue.
Either way, he can't do it alone.]
If I'm going to do that, then... I'll need to keep you safe first.
[He'll need to feel like he isn't just something precious to sacrifice and be sacrificed for, he'll need to know – really know in ways that not even the worst of him can question – that he is capable of doing more than existing. Pulling away just a bit, just enough to properly look at Clive and manoeuvrer a hand to his cheek, knuckle running along it, the back of his fingertip tickled by his scruff.]
You're my gift. The best I've been given. And it excites me every day to know that I've barely started unwrapping everything that makes you who you are.
[I'd give up music if that's what it took to keep loving you he doesn't say. It's true in ways that scare him a little, and it's the kind of truth he suspects that Clive wouldn't want to hear, anyway. So:]
Because my heart breaks over your beauty, too, and I want to see how bright you can burn, mon feu. Tu brilles deja plus fort que le soleil.
[He could bask in his warmth forever. Not that that's up for debate with how he shift even closer, one leg lifting to wrap around Clive's.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
flamebrand) wrote2024-09-08 02:07 pm
says the person who linked me a piano arrangement of MY STAR!!!
Verso looks down in turn, taking Clive's hands in his own, lifting them to kiss each palm.]
Not here. I don't want to spoil the surprise. Uh, more than I already have.
[Which isn't overly much, at least in his perspective. There's only so much he can convey with humming, its language so different from that of the piano, and even if what they share is defined by imperfection, he wants the moment Clive hears it for the first time to be as close to perfect as he can manage.
Perfect like the music reverberating through him now, courtesy of Clive's chroma. His heart starts beating in the unconstrained rhythm of a wildfire, a tempo he can only hope to achieve with his own music, an eclipsing passion that has him leaning in to kiss starlight against Clive's lips, leaving some behind to twinkle when they part, his own mark that'll soon wash away.
Still, it would be a waste of time if he never came up with anything. It's rare, it's devastatingly rare, how little time he has to sit with a piano and think through something new. So, a counteroffer:]
But! We could compose something. [With a hard emphasis on we.] Maybe a song for Joshua? You tell me what you want to say, and I put to music.
that's the Verso Dies Ending song.....................
So. Note to self, to ease up. Which doesn't mean that he doesn't accept the kisses, which he does with open appreciation and the kind of full-bodied smile that speaks to how much he appreciates everything he's ever given. Verso, again, is the only man in the world that can make Clive greedy.
That appreciation and light only grows at the topic of a joint composition for Joshua. ]
If the maestro will do me the honor of working with him. [ He can appreciate someone serious about their craft not wanting a novice to waddle around and ruin his piece, but he's grown just selfish enough to want to share Verso's interests regardless. ] ...I'd like that.
[ And honestly, as objectively terrible as it is that Joshua, too, has a Nevron painted into him, the fact that it's a bird feels... apt. Clive has always wanted his brother to have the wings to fly wherever he so chooses, up and up and away.
One last dunk under the water, and Clive sits back up. ]
Now let's dry off before we both catch a cold.
at least clive will know how jill felt
[It feels a little strange, being called that and calling himself it in turn. Broadly because it's a throwback to better times and to the kind of teasing he'd become accustomed to whenever he'd get a bit carried away, but also because that feels like several lifetimes ago. He's only really kept the music with him; the rest grew too painful to think about at some point. Probably around when he realised he wasn't likely to ever make new, lasting memories with new people ever again.
That's certainly changed. Memories surround and suffuse him. The bathwater sparkles with them; the air carries their scent. Verso's lips still bear the remnants of the tickle of Clive's smile, and his heart may well be glowing with all the firelight it contains.
So, he watches him with effusive fondness as he slips under the water, reaching up to squeeze his own hair a bit drier at his cue. There is, perhaps, something to say about the thought of being sick and useless together, sharing heat under soft blankets, trapping themselves in the divide between needing to get up and move and never wanting to leave the security of whatever shelter they claim, but Verso keeps the thought to himself. At some point, they do have to head back out into the unreal-real world. It may be a few days away, but things feel so good right now that he should probably get a head start on bracing himself.]
And okay, okay.
[Which doesn't mean he can't indulge in the present. So, he leans forward one last time to press a kiss to Clive's forehead, then unplugs the tub. The cooling water makes way for far cooler air, and Verso shivers as he rises to his feet and steps out of the tub, dripping on the floor in all his forestman glory as he grabs one of the towels – stupidly luxuriously soft, and consequently not the best at drying but some sacrifices are worthwhile – and works himself the rest of the way dry.]
You'd think perfect health would be one of the benefits of immortality but I guess that would've ruined the immersion.
[Thanks, Mom.]
he'll ugly cry for 100 years and then die of dehydration
It's the sort of perfect beauty that not even art could emulate. Which is why Clive's brows furrow when Verso mentions immersion, and gets up from his lounging lean to press his still-damp body against Verso's towel-dried back as punishment. Sure, he understands the terms of his lover's existence, but he never likes it when it's framed in terms that make Verso sound more alien.
(For the millionth time: pot, kettle.) ]
If you ever do get sick, Joshua can vouch for my skills as a nurse.
[ Professional caretaker, despite Anabella's attempts to shoo Clive away from his brother as often as she could. Failure, in her world, was apparently contagious, and Clive was the embodiment of it.
He plucks another towel from the pile, and gently rubs it over back-and-white hair. Terminally incapable of not tending to Verso when he has the opportunity to. ]
...Who used to care for you when you were ill? Clea?
[ Stern-faced, whipcrack Clea. As unpleasant as it remains to recall her and her serrated words, Clive can appreciate that her austerity must come from deep, deep grief. She must have loved her brother terribly, to have let that love turn to so much rage. ]
he needs a torgal to sop up at least some of those tears; they should adopt that fluffy pink nevron
The increased proximity has another bonus: Clive can't see the way Verso's expression twists at the question. He does have those memories – both the real Verso's and the false life he himself had been given in Lumiere – but the whole of his actual experiences were as an adult, taking care of himself at first, being taken care of by Julie later. He never really knows what to claim as his own, what to pretend hasn't shaped him, but the earnestness of Clive's question makes it easier for him to, in this moment, let those memories be real.]
Maman and Papa were always busy so, yeah. Clea was the only one there.
[Beyond that, his memories are in conflict with each other. The real Verso's inform him that Renoir would take care of him when he'd noticed his son was sick, but his own false memories slot Aline into that role. It's hard for him to believe, sometimes, that she was never there, but rationally he realises it's the truth of things, even if his heart keeps trying to find ways to convince him otherwise.]
She'd never let me return the favour. Anytime she got sick, I knew not to expect to see her until she was feeling better.
[Which had been devastating for him as a boy, so lonely despite being surrounded by people, so in need of comforts rare enough that he had to find them in the squish of a stuffed toy. A sensitive child, he'd been called. Another conflict in his memories; the real Verso had been chastised for it, but he was given much more freedom to be himself.
Funny how it only resulted in him being more liberal with his wearing of masks.]
Don't think I'll put up with that from you, though.
[Said a bit teasingly but he's stone serious. If Clea has taught him one thing, it's the importance of insisting on being present.]
clive wants VERSO!!! (but they do deserve emotional support fluffs)
He can't imagine that Verso would have been a difficult child to take care of, though, but that's Clive's bias speaking. By now, he's maneuvered himself so that they're chest-to-chest, and has repurposed the towel that he'd used to dry Verso's hair to do something about the mop of his own.
A little muffled, under the fluffy fabric: ] It seems the Dessendre children all had to raise each other.
[ Clumsily, which is to be expected. They were all fucking children. A part of Clive relates, what with his own absent mother and his busy father (though Clive has 100 ways to justify why Elwin was never there, off doing more important, world-changing things); it was his father's long-time friend and their neighbor, Rodney Murdoch, who had assumed a caretaking role when Clive was really in need of some adult intervention.
And while it's sad, thinking of Clea holing herself up while Verso worried, Clive can't help but laugh under his breath when Verso levels that ultimatum. He peeks out from under his towel, blue eyes soft and resigned. ]
It would be more difficult for me, without a manor to hide in. [ A tip of the head, wolfish. ] ...But, as always, you know me far too well.
[ Because he might have felt inclined. Not to hide, exactly, but to omit－ though he knows now that that would only have hurt Verso more than helped. ] I'll remind myself not to let old habits get in the way. Not with you.
clive can have verso's petals that's something
And all because one woman was dedicated to painting and one man was dedicated to her and the whole of the world, even the small one contained within the wails they'd had erected, barely mattered by comparison.
Verso lets out a sigh, not wanting to burden Clive with even more Dessendre family drama when it already dominates (hee) the core of his existence, and focuses instead on that airy laugh, that guilty-as-charged peek, blue eyes shining from behind the shadows of the towel.]
Good. Because I meant it when I said I'm going to spoil you. Especially when you're not feeling well.
[Which, of course, means different things for different people. Verso thinks of that cliché of someone being fanned and fed grapes while sitting splayed out on some fancy chair. That's not his idea of being spoiled – it's too isolating, for one – but maybe Clive is a grapes-and-circulated-air kind of guy. The fact is that Verso doesn't know. Maybe Clive doesn't, either, given everything he's shared about his past. Hell, when Verso tries to picture how he might have responded before the two of them collided into love, he's not sure he would have been able to come up with anything. He didn't deserve to be spoiled. All he wanted was rest.
That bit of presumed relatability softens Verso's expression as he contemplates the gentleness of Clive's features, the light that shines through them when he smiles, the peace that washes over them when he's relaxed. He wants to know everything about how to bring those things about.]
But I need a little help, so... What's a perfect evening look like for you?
[A pause, then another impish little grin.]
Or I could ask Joshua.
opens up microsoft word to write a 500000 word fic about clive crying over verso's petals
He lets his focus swim away from it, and towards the topic of his own spoiling and what that might look like. There's a moment that passes as he rakes the towel one last time over the wild eruption of his hair and wraps it around his waist (in the barest semblance of unnecessary modesty), a few moments of real contemplation, before it's interrupted by a soft, bemused bark of a laugh. ]
Joshua? [ To the tune of oh god. ] I can't imagine what he'd tell you.
[ Not in a bad way－ his brother is the sweetest, kindest, bestest little brother in the world who can do no wrong－ but in a 'I really have no idea what he'd say, and that's on me' way. Clive's arms fold over his chest, and he assumes the position of a man who is giving this some Actual Consideration. ]
Anything he'd suggest would be more compelling than my idea of a perfect evening. [ Truly. Clive's answer to the question of how he'd like to be spoiled really boils down to...
...well. This. Spending time with Verso, hearing more about him, giving the silver now nested in his own chest more depth and texture. It's the sort of joy he'd never thought he'd have, and every time he feels it is a fresh new instance of being bowled over by this novel, improbable reality. ]
rabidly refreshes ao3 (no but we should do this somehow)
I like the sound of "compelling."
[He'll still need to come up with something in the meantime, though. As he considers his options, he reaches down to adjust Clive's towel with a hoity-toity fold at the top that'll keep it up as they make their way back to the bedroom. No point in getting dressed, he figures, when they'll just be slipping back under the blankets and not moving again until the morning.
A thought which does give him an idea. They won't be able to be too loud with Joshua asleep a couple of rooms down, but one of the befits of spending so much time hiding away from the world is that he's good at making anything quiet, so as he takes Clive's hand to guide him out of the bathroom, he makes a new attempt at discovery.]
Favourite song, then. Let me perform it for you.
[It feels like a nice end to the day besides, a song made into a lullaby, the soft notes of his guitar fading, fading, fading into whatever dreams might follow. Good dreams, he hopes, as if he can spoil Clive by teasing forth the parts of his subconscious prone to the optimistically fantastical, to the tales of knights and their saints, of the triumph of good, of the true meaning of love.]
you've given me too much power and i've gone mad with it
Their laced fingers stitch together all the disparate, lonely parts of Clive. Make him feel more like a person, while making the hungry beast in his heart purr. Being spoiled is a strange concept that still gives him pause (the perpetual need to be doing something constantly threatens to rear its head), but he reminds himself of what Verso had said about scales and not needing to balance them－ he'll have to warm to the idea that accepting an act of service is an act of service of its own.
Bare feet plod over the manor floor as they walk back to their bedroom. Clive can tell that Verso is trying to coax the same sort of I-wants that he tried to coax out of Verso, which is why he gives the question the consideration it deserves instead of deferring to whatever the maestro would like to play. ]
Well... [ Founder, he's going to have to hum. He doesn't know the title of the song－ only that Cid used to hum it while he was tinkering with his tools, low and throaty and relaxed. If it's a famous song, Clive wouldn't know; maybe it's something from before the Fracture that was passed on and on and on, for Those Who Came After.
He tries his best with it. His voice struggles a bit, but he pushes through, ears a bit pink.
Once he's done: ]
Cid... used to sing the tune often. It kept me feeling steady when I was younger. More lost.
rubs hands together with such gusto the friction sets the sadmen aflame (again) (sorry, ben starrs)
I can see why.
[Of course, he can't know what the song speaks to Clive, but to him, it's melancholic and hopeful, gentled by a violent world, the kind of music that would once ease him into home at the end of a long day. Already, his fingers itch for the strings; instead, they strengthen their grip on Clive's – just as content with this motion – for the rest of walk to the bedroom, letting go once they cross the threshold so he can close the door behind them.
Then it's a simple matter of finding someplace to toss the towels and preparing for bed. Verso doesn't go any further than pulling on a pair of underwear before slipping under the blankets, still seated, leaning back against the headboard. It's like this that he summons his guitar with a casual flick of his wrist, taking a moment to remind his fingers how it feels to play with a brief improvisation – mischievous and complex, like something that might play during A Midsummer Night's Dream. Once satisfied, he lets out a content hum and asks:]
Ready?
[Spoken like a question, though he doesn't really wait for an answer; the music is already starting to transition as he more tentatively tests his memory of the song for a few rounds before letting go and properly playing.]
WHEN WILL VERSO BE FREE!!!!!!!!!!
They fall onto the bed (Clive, too, follows suit in tugging on a pair of underwear), and Verso falls into his performance. The first few plucked notes walk before those clever fingers start to run; Clive, seated next to Verso with the polite amount of distance needed for the other man to play properly, watches and appreciates before he lets his eyes slowly shutter, cutting off all senses to concentrate, wholly, on the trajectory of the song.
He misses Cid. Misses the sound of his voice like rolling thunder, his static humor, his amethyst-tinged kindness. Stubborn but hopeful, like the brightening of the sky after a rainstorm. Misses that mess of an apartment turned refuge and home, the characters that would walk in and out of it. Wishes that he could have taken Verso there, into Cid's solar, and recorded songs for Cid's Orchestrion. Hopes that Cid can rest assured in the knowledge that he's found someone who completes him.
There are tears on his face before he can remember to stop them; they flow and roll without melancholy, fondness in every little dot that falls from cheek to chin and down to wrinkled bedsheets. He listens until the last note hangs, and lets out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. A puff of air, shaky. ]
probably some time after the heat death of the universe or the reaper invasion or w/e destroys earth
So, he plays the song through to its last note – at least as far as his memory informs him – then lets silence wash over them while Clive looses that breath, its shakiness music in its own right for how it holds a rhythm Verso won't presume to interpret. Instead, he disappears the guitar back from whence it came, then curls closer towards Clive, finally moving to brush away some of those tears.
The gesture is absent urgency and bears an abundant love, a soft admiration. That it was both Cid's song and a source of steadiness for Clive make the way the music touched him almost feel like an inevitability in hindsight, but Verso hadn't gone into this thinking he was going to make him cry, and so there's a tentativeness to this as well, no less comfortable than before. Really, it just serves to make him a little more present.]
What are you thinking about?
no subject
He leans into Verso's touch. ] You. [ Obviously. Beautiful fingers strumming beautiful chords. Funny, how there doesn't ever seem to be a time when he isn't thinking about Verso in some capacity. But that's not the entirety of what's on his mind, so: ] And Cid.
[ Just as obvious, to the point where it didn't need saying. Clive goes on, his voice a warm, husky murmur. ]
...You already know that Cid was as good an inventor as he was a fighter. [ A man of many, many talents. ] Before he left for his Expedition, he made a sort of... gramophone, that could store and play music. The Orchestrion, we called it.
[ His stomach knots at the memory of Mid sitting in front of it, listening to her father's favorite songs after his departure. ]
I wish I could show it to you. And to have you record something on it. [ For keeps. A piece of Verso, everlasting. ] Cid would have liked that.
[ It's entirely possible that the man in question has already told Verso about his invention, and groused about how mister music prodigy should have dropped by and played a few pieces for Lumiere's posterity. Seems like something Cid would have playfully complained about.
Again, Clive misses him. The sentiment is self-evident, and thus, he doesn't articulate it; he just lists a little closer to Verso, and nuzzles against his hair. ]
no subject
It occurs to him, too, how close he'd just been to losing them, the smell of Clive's petals, earthy and smoky and floral, still lingering in the air like a ghost of a threat. Later, it'll probably hit him even harder, that kick to the stomach, that skeletal hand clenched hard around his heart, but right now he clings so hard to the fantasy of more that there's no room for him to consider the nightmare of less.
And maybe it's that love-clouded state that drives what he says next, or maybe it's the simple fact that there's little of himself or of this world that Verso wouldn't offer to Clive to make things just a little bit better, to give him things that he'd otherwise be denied. Either way, he sweeps his hand down to brush his thumb across his cheek.]
You could show it to me. I have... ways of getting us into Lumiere without anyone noticing.
[Not that he's used them much, yet – he will one day, when Alicia arrives in the Canvas only to be reborn as Maelle – but he's always known the importance of the city, of its people, and so one of the first things he did once he regained his grasp on reality and parted ways from Renoir was to figure out how to return should the need arise.
Of course, Verso knows as much as anyone does what it means to return to a home that you've left for good, so he keeps his tone neutral, a question and not a statement, another unhurried possibility to place upon their hoard of nice thoughts to draw from when they have a dearth of them.]
no subject
...of which there are likely many. He's run into one of them, at least, though Clive still hesitates to call Clea a clear enemy; a wildcard, maybe. A woman who would do most anything to see her agenda fulfilled, but has discovered that she, too, has lines she can't cross.
Things to think about later. Now, Clive nestles into this comfortable enclosure of their bodies and their safety, out of eyeshot and earshot. ]
Of course you do, [ he sigh-chuckles, about Verso knowing hidden paths that allow him to maneuver this world in ways that no one else can. To some extent, he knows he should be offended by that knowledge－ why hasn't Verso used it to the advantage of other Expeditions? for the people of Lumiere?－ but there's a mirrored understanding of the emotional toll it takes to be persona non grata. Again, Verso was tortured by the woman he fucking loved; there are some wounds that not even pragmatism can heal.
Clive pulls him closer, to emphasize that the information is received without judgment. He doesn't think he could let Verso slip away from him tonight, not for anything. ]
I won't be able to show my face to anyone in Lumiere. [ Survivor's guilt, through and through. He can't bear the thought of being the only one to go back to familiar faces, not when he hasn't earned it. ] ...But I'd like to show you the places that were important to me.
no subject
Another thought to add to their ever-increasing arsenal of later. When they have time. When they have energy. When, perhaps, they have nowhere else to hide from each other. Or, at least when he doesn't.
So, when Clive pulls him close, Verso's all too happy to bury his face in the crook of his neck, warm and cosy, Clive's skin still smelling of the sandalwood oil Verso had incorporated into the soap when he washed his hair. An acknowledging hum follows, one that rises into a note of intrigue at the end.
Lumiere isn't a place Verso has ever really wanted to tour, knowing that everything that was once familiar is gone and everything that remains is home-but-not home, its own scar on the landscape, in a way, for what it speaks of Aline's incessant desperation. But the thought of walking hand-in-hand through the streets, learning about all the places that touched Clive and shaped him into the man he is – that casts Lumiere in a different light. One that he does want to see shine.]
What if I could promise you wouldn't have to?
[How, exactly, he would manage that he keeps to himself. Not to be mysterious or sneaky or anything like that, but rather so that he doesn't come across as trying to encourage him to agree. He just wants him to know what's possible.]
no subject
(A topic that still seems too raw and aching to touch, but a topic that flits in and out of Clive's consciousness at times, regardless. What kind of person she was, what drew Verso to her. Whether there's anything of her that Verso can still remember fondly, or if the possibility of that has been obliterated by the weight of her death.)
Clive steps away from that rabbithole before he can slip down it; elects, instead, to focus more firmly on the question of how they can inhabit the city that neither of them truly belong in anymore. All this talk of the future, and Clive realizes that he'd never imagined one where the both of them return to that fractured city and resume a life before their respective Expeditions.
Hm, he hums, with his arm around Verso's waist and his nose buried in soft streaks of white hair. ]
Then I'd like to be the one escorting you, for a change. [ His hold tightens a fraction, protective and affectionate and covetous, all in one gesture. ] I'd... show you to Cid's apartment. His solar. Then I'd take you to my favorite bistro－ a place called "Martha's"－ and my uncle's old manor.
[ Making his past and present collide. It's hard to keep the fondness out of his voice, hard not to sound eager at the prospect of taking Verso out on what might actually pass for a proper date. ]
It would be nice, to see the man I love in the places I loved.
no subject
They can have these things, he reminds himself Just for a few days here and there, just some stolen moments when the Canvas can afford them, and their despair will permit them. Maybe they will always be outliers among the others, but that doesn't make them any less human, and that humanity, in the end, is the only real weapon they wield against the Dessendres.
Being selfish like this isn't something that Verso's accustomed to. It's not something he's completely comfortable with, either, so much more used to rediscovering his humanity while in deep isolation, drunk on too much wine and lost in so many ways that he's yet to find all the pieces of himself that have scattered across this world. That still feels more like what he deserves after everything.
It isn't what Clive deserves, though. Faith is. Belief is. Effort and trust and want and need are. And Verso has love enough to provide him with all that and more.
Warmth, however, isn't his forte. As lovely as it is to lay like this in Clive's arms and absorb his body heat, Verso still has to reach down to pull the blanket up, better covering them both. Maybe their hair is still too damp for this, he thinks as he pulls back a bit to lay forehead-to-forehead with Clive, but with their plans to stay here – and with only Joshua to see them – he can't think of a reason to care. Not when he's this relaxed, nearly comfortable enough to forget what awaits him on the other side of wakefulness.]
All right, it's a date. [Said with his own lilt of eagerness, his own swell of fondness.] I'll wear a suit and everything. Especially if you're taking me out to dinner.
[Real food!!!!!!!!!]
no subject
Which is why he doesn't ask how in the world Verso could manage maneuvering them through Lumière without anyone recognizing him. It'd break the immersion of the moment. He also doesn't ask if Verso has ever been in Lumière while Clive occupied it, because that, too, would put a splinter in this gauzy dream of an uncomplicated dinner in that city of grief.
Instead, Clive leans in for a soft kiss. Just a brief brush, featherlight. Verso has yet to accuse Clive of adoring him a little too much, and thus the fire continues to burn a little hotter, a little brighter with each passing day, each passing minute. A slow boil. Verso should be more careful, perhaps, about stoking this particular flame. ]
Martha's isn't exactly a suit-and-tie establishment. But I won't say no to seeing you in a three-piece. [ A soft laugh, as he rakes his hand up Verso's back, making gentle friction to keep bare skin warm. Affection coats everything he does; he'd like it to be the thing Verso falls asleep to, the last thing Verso thinks of before drifting off into his troubled sleep. That he's loved, cherished. ]
I'll fantasize about it as politely as I can manage.
no subject
All right, then no tie and a half-buttoned shirt.
[Two birds, one stone. His own hand snakes its way between their bodies, fingers dancing Clive's chest in an approximation of one half of a V, all the way up to his collarbone before flattening out so he can slide his palm down and across, over his heart, a gentled touch absent intent despite what preceded it.
If there is danger to encouraging Clive's affections, Verso hasn't picked up on it at all. Just like with Ifrit. With decades worth of awful frames of reference for how love is supposed to be, he can't help but absorb everything that Clive offers to him, each reminder and every revelation, all the little things and the big things that stitch him back together.]
I'll save the full regalia just for you. You'll be the first to see it since...
[Since Julie, before the Fracture, when life still had its luxuries and he delighted in impressing her the same way he does with Clive. Instead of saying that, though, he digs a bit deeper for the context of the occasion. Not a simple date nor a special event, not a dinner with his family, but...]
The last time I played at the operahouse.
no subject
God, he's so attractive. More attractive is that Verso knows it, and flaunts it with that confident mischief. It makes Clive want to chase and chase.
He traces the line and dip of Verso's hip; follows the waistband of his underwear and feels along Verso's tailbone, then up his spine. Is it unsettling, that he can't seem to get enough? That he doesn't know how to stop loving Verso? Will it be his undoing? ]
You must have had half of Lumière in love with you.
[ Speaking of unhinged adoration. This talented, utterly stunning man, wrapped in a three-piece and making magic on stage. He must have been a fucking vision― perfection poised in front of a piano. ]
Tell me what it felt like, when you were on stage.
[ Did he play for someone? The woman he loved? His family? Did he feel like he was playing for himself and himself only, wrapped in his passion for music and existing solely within it and nowhere else? ]
no subject
Or so it feels now, anyway. Maybe he had felt more broadly accepted, if not admired, back then, and the way people had turned on him after the Fracture – and the feel of his lover's blade penetrating his heart – has coloured his perception of how people saw him. Add to that the way Expeditioners seem to view him just off centre, human in shape and concept but different in essence, and he often feels more like an intriguing oddity than man with any meaningfully endearing qualities.
Fortunately, it's an observation Clive makes in passing before offering a topic Verso's far more comfortable in addressing. He closes his eyes as he summons forth the memory of performance, one finger tapping against Clive's chest like a metronome as he slips deeper and deeper into one of his past lives.]
Vulnerable. [He starts off with, his voice low and rumbling, almost like a purr.] There I'd be, centre stage, about to let the beauty of the notes bring my heart to the edge of breaking in front of hundreds of people. I wanted them to feel what I was feeling so deeply that I'd end up intimidating myself. But once I started playing, I just... I felt at peace. I mean, my heart was still pounding in my chest, but I knew I was right where I belonged.
[And what a feeling that was, finding himself and learning how it feels to truly have a place in the world, carved out by his own ambitions, fostered into something more by the passion in his own heart. It's little wonder that it's stuck with him.]
Nothing's made me feel more empowered.
no subject
It's beautiful. It makes sense. Verso, the strongest man that Clive has ever known, who holds the experience of breaking his heart in witness of others sacred. Who revels in vulnerability, where Clive had been taught to eschew it. Among all the color and chaos of this world, Verso is light.
Clive's palm moves up, and cradles the nape of Verso's neck. His thumb slips behind an ear, and massages gently in time to his heartbeat. ]
A space to do something you love. Unapologetically.
[ And to be heard and seen exactly the way Verso wished. Of course that would be empowering; of course that would mean everything. The Dessendres paint, but music is something entirely different－ a form of expression completely unbeholden to the expectations or rules set by discerning parents. Even without the context of the mirrored lives, Verso must have found respite in the fact that the piano, the melodies, the stories he wove with his hands, were his.
The thought of it makes Clive's chest feel tight. It makes Clive renew his resolve to fight and fight and fight for a future that will allow Verso to feel, and not just to suffer. To allow himself the depth of his emotions without the guilt of having them.
Oh, Clive would do anything for Verso. He'll even become a monster, if he must. Anything, anything. ]
Your music is a gift. I've never heard anything like it, which is a testament to who you are and what you're capable of. [ Another kiss, this time to Verso's forehead. ] ...So keep it safe for me.
[ "Take care of yourself". ]
no subject
But like so many other things, it feels different with Clive, who wants him to live so that he can die fulfilled; who wants him to build a legacy of happiness, whether he deserves to or not, and to have an impact beyond death. That still feels like something he'll end up disappointing Clive on in the end, no matter their promises, but maybe his family will prove him wrong. Maybe he can turn death into something that happens on its own terms rather than as something to pursue.
Either way, he can't do it alone.]
If I'm going to do that, then... I'll need to keep you safe first.
[He'll need to feel like he isn't just something precious to sacrifice and be sacrificed for, he'll need to know – really know in ways that not even the worst of him can question – that he is capable of doing more than existing. Pulling away just a bit, just enough to properly look at Clive and manoeuvrer a hand to his cheek, knuckle running along it, the back of his fingertip tickled by his scruff.]
You're my gift. The best I've been given. And it excites me every day to know that I've barely started unwrapping everything that makes you who you are.
[I'd give up music if that's what it took to keep loving you he doesn't say. It's true in ways that scare him a little, and it's the kind of truth he suspects that Clive wouldn't want to hear, anyway. So:]
Because my heart breaks over your beauty, too, and I want to see how bright you can burn, mon feu. Tu brilles deja plus fort que le soleil.
[He could bask in his warmth forever. Not that that's up for debate with how he shift even closer, one leg lifting to wrap around Clive's.]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)