[ A relief, that they both know what the words they haven't spoken are. Palm pressed to Jill's chest, he feels her pulse rabbiting against his hand; his own heart matches it, which he hopes she can feel from where her fingers are coiled around the thin skin of his wrist. ]
I know. But I've made you wait too long to hear those words, nevertheless.
[ Unfair of him, always. Depending on Jill to know, leaning on her and taking advantage of her kindness, too afraid of what he is and what he might become to burden Jill with it. Excuses, all of it. ]
...And I would have you wait just a little longer for them. [ He wants to say it properly, and not just because he's sex-brained; she deserves better than that, gods above and below. ] Not because I fear I wouldn't be believed, but because...
[ A light smile. ] ...I think it requires a bit more decorum than this.
[ His dad would be so disappointed if he knew his son made a love proposal after drinking wine and getting horny in bed, probably. Noble upbringing tells him to have some sense of propriety. ]
[And despite all the years and all they've been through together, this thing between them feels delicate. Not that it could break, or be lost, but in the sense that it's something they both wish to protect with all their hearts. It deserves to be treated with reverence. And it shall.
(No small part of her is giddy at thought of him thinking of the right time to say it, either!)
Jill presses their foreheads together, smiling, and she thinks her face will be sore from it tomorrow.]
[ Local outlaw spends sleepless nights thinking about how to say "I love you" to a woman who he's been in love with for his entire life. Not the proudest moment of Clive's life, but Jill is worth pining over― he wants her memories of "I love you" to mean something.
A hike of his brow, amused, and he shoots back with a gentle: ] I'm only a man. And you're worth every effort.
[ She should never feel like she isn't worth trying to impress. ]
[ There it is, the kind of laugh that he could bottle and keep with him forever. He leans in to press a kiss against the corner of Jill's mouth, playful, then thumbs along the mark that he'd left again. ]
I would prefer the shame and embarrassment to your disappointment.
[ Never. She's so convinced of that, in a way that he isn't convinced of it, himself: there are so many mistakes he's made to be where he is right now, so many people who have died and suffered for the choices that he's made. Once upon a time, he'd believed Joshua to be one of them― the memory of Phoenix's Gate still startles him awake some nights, soaked in cold sweat.
No need to make it maudlin, though. He pulls back, stroking soft hair and tucking a stray piece of it behind her ear. A little misty-eyed, truth be told. ]
Thank you, Jill. [ Born as a disappointment, but affirmed by the one woman he loves more than anything. ] Truly. You've always been the one guiding me towards the right path.
[Oh, she can see it in his eyes. Jill feels her affection for him grow. There's no ceiling for how much she adores him. There's infinite love in her heart for him.
She'll never understand how Anabella could look upon him, her own son, and not cherish him.
I love you, she nearly says, but bites her tongue with a wry smile. She won't steal the moment from Clive.
Instead, she puts her hands on his shoulders and gives him a pointed push. Nothing that will move him unless he allows it, but a clear indicator she wants him on her back.]
[ He's wiping the corner of his eye with a thumb when he feels hands on his shoulders― the implicit request is heard, but only after he blinks a little moisture out of blue eyes. He loves her so much, he really could cry about it.
A moment later, when he recovers from that moment of overwhelming emotion, he shifts under Jill's knees and slowly tips himself backwards. Careful not to jostle or make Jill lose her balance in the process, one hand remains settled at her waist to brace her as he leans back, and slowly relinquishes his balance to flop onto clean bedsheets. ]
[Her sweet Clive. She plants a hand on either side of his head, leaning over him, her hair a soft gray curtain. She smiles down at him for a moment, taking in the sight of him. The feeling of him beneath her.
And then she drops down to pepper his face with kisses. They're soft and gentle despite how quick they are.]
[ A moment to register what's going on later― the onslaught of affection is a bit overwhelming― he laughs, surprised but pleased, and tips his head to meet an incoming peck. ]
Jill, [ he whispers again, because the only coherent thought in his head is Jill's name. She's the only thing that exists right now, in this safe, comforting space, and he lifts his hands to sandwich her pretty face between his palms to stop her―
―just so he can give her a more proper kiss, mind. He parts her lips with his, and licks into the welcoming warmth of her mouth. I love you, too. ]
[That laugh was her mark. She laughs into his skin, thinking she never quite laughs as often as she does with him. It's always been this way. She's ready with a playful pout when he takes her face in her hands--but then he's kissing her like that and she nearly goes boneless.
She's the luckiest woman in Valisthea. No amount of wealth could compare to being loved by Clive.
Her tongue greets his, head tipping to the side as his had before, finding an easier angle to kiss him deeply, slowly. A contrast to the sprinkle of kisses on his face. She shifts her weight onto him, chest to chest, so her hands are both free to slide into his hair.]
[ Having Jill's weight flush against his chest is electric. Every nerve in his body sings affirmation, a chorus of yes-es as their mouths meet, part, then meet again at a different angle, tasting and claiming.
One hand slips off Jill's face and trails along her body, from her shoulder to her slightly-arched back, to the bare skin of her thigh. The shirt is barely covering her lower half now, and Clive makes a soft sound against Jill's lips when he feels his fingers brushing along what he knows is her rear, only covered by the soft, thin fabric of her panties.
His face goes hot again; in the five years since they're reunited, he has most definitely taken care of his personal needs to thoughts of Jill, but his clumsy fantasies pale in comparison to the actual feel of her. ]
[In normal circumstances, the thought of having her ass out in Clive's presence would mortify her. In these circumstances, where she's kissed him so many times, sat on his lap, and now has him beneath her in his bed while wearing his shirt? She feels only thrill.
That little noise he makes only makes her kiss him deeper. It's almost as good as making him laugh. Her mouth parts from his because she needs to breathe--and even the sound of her breath is amused, nose brushing his cheek before her mouth drops down to his neck again.
Might as well leave another mark while she has him pinned.]
[ Eloquently: ] Fuck. [ It's a low rasp, equal measures aroused and thrilled in a way he's never been. Even the unpleasant memories that should threaten the edge of his consciousness from when he was a Bearer can't touch him here; he wants Jill in every way that she would have him, in any way she wants. He's hers. ]
Jill, [ sounds almost like a laugh-whine as his hand steals down to her thigh, fingertips pressing into soft skin. He nuzzles into the side of her face, breathing in her scent. ]
Hmm. [Okay, hearing him swear is better than making him laugh. His voice has always done things to her, but that makes her want him all the more. A mutual feeling, she's sure. She's very much trying to not pay attention to what's going on between her legs or his. Some manners remain despite the circumstances.
Still, his laughter is sweet and makes her smile and his touch, his breathing, his warmth--it's all addicting. She could spend the whole night indulging in him. Maybe she will.
This love bite comes out better. Jill presses a kiss to it once she's satisfied with her work. Another kiss is pressed to Clive's cheek as she leans up a little, wanting to look into his eyes. She looks very pleased with herself.]
[ Breathless but still smiling. Grinning, even. He thinks of Cid for a brief moment, and hears that low, sandpaper drawl saying that everyone should be able to choose how they die.
Funny and morbid, at the same time. He casts that thought aside, and he cranes up to kiss the underside of Jill's jaw. ]
Jill. [ Lower, huskier. ] Will you let me have you tonight?
[She thanks every star she can see in her mind's eye that she's not standing. That question would send her to the floor were she on her feet. Her heart pounds so fast it's painful. A shaky sigh comes next, nervous, but there's still a smile on her lips and in her eyes as she tips his face so that he can see it.]
Gladly. [A beat, uncertain, because he's been with her since she was given her freedom.] As long as you... don't mind that I've... no real idea what I'm doing.
[Not with a lover. Not in any manner that's mutual, consensual.]
[ He tips to meet that look, and his throat goes dry. He wants her in ways that make his head swim, so deeply that it makes his chest ache; she'd come into his life after thirteen years praying for death, and made him want to live again. For his future, for her future.
Wrapping fingers around her wrist, Clive maneuvers her hand so that he can kiss along its knuckles. Slow and reverent, lips to her skin as he responds. ]
Neither do I. [ Not in any way that's ever mattered. He smiles, encouraging, and nips at the base of her ring finger. ] I'm sure we can figure it out together.
[ Mostly, he wants to flip positions and make her come until she can't anymore, but he'll keep that card close to his chest for now. ]
I would promise not to laugh, but I don't wish to break a promise when my nerves get the better of me.
[Giddy, wonderful nerves. Because this is important to her. Because she's only imagined what he would feel like, taste like, sound like. Because this can't be her good fortune.
She turns her hand in his to run her fingertips over the line of his bottom lip. Now that she knows what they feel like against her mouth and neck, she wants to know what they would feel like on the rest of her. Her breasts, between her legs--]
I want you, Clive.
[It will have to do instead of I love you. I need you comes close, but so many people need him. Fetch this, fight this, solve this. She needs him too, but her want is what feels stronger. She'll always want him. Always.]
[ Mirrored thoughts of needing, wanting. Since childhood, it's always been Jill― Jill, whose smile made the jagged edges of court life more bearable; Jill, whose unhappiness he couldn't bear; Jill, who he thinks about on restless nights.
Biting gently against her thumb, Clive fixes his blue, blue eyes on her, his focus as sharp as his blade. The sort of look he gets in battle, when his concentration has narrowed to a fine point. ]
As do I. [ His voice scrapes the back of his throat, hot with anticipation. ] ―Will you roll onto your back for me?
[ A kiss against where he'd bitten, then a light suck to her index. His tongue laves against her skin. ] I want to taste you.
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I know. But I've made you wait too long to hear those words, nevertheless.
[ Unfair of him, always. Depending on Jill to know, leaning on her and taking advantage of her kindness, too afraid of what he is and what he might become to burden Jill with it. Excuses, all of it. ]
...And I would have you wait just a little longer for them. [ He wants to say it properly, and not just because he's sex-brained; she deserves better than that, gods above and below. ] Not because I fear I wouldn't be believed, but because...
[ A light smile. ] ...I think it requires a bit more decorum than this.
[ His dad would be so disappointed if he knew his son made a love proposal after drinking wine and getting horny in bed, probably. Noble upbringing tells him to have some sense of propriety. ]
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[And despite all the years and all they've been through together, this thing between them feels delicate. Not that it could break, or be lost, but in the sense that it's something they both wish to protect with all their hearts. It deserves to be treated with reverence. And it shall.
(No small part of her is giddy at thought of him thinking of the right time to say it, either!)
Jill presses their foreheads together, smiling, and she thinks her face will be sore from it tomorrow.]
You needn't try to impress me too much, Clive.
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A hike of his brow, amused, and he shoots back with a gentle: ] I'm only a man. And you're worth every effort.
[ She should never feel like she isn't worth trying to impress. ]
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[She must have lived all those miserable years with the Ironblood so that he could find her. So that they could be together.]
But... I only mean there's no way to disappoint me.
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－a bemused laugh. Warm and genuine, unburdened by fear of judgment. ]
Come on, Jill. [ As if they're still children. ] There must be a way.
[ Surely she respects herself enough to refuse him if he's being an idiot (or so he prays). ]
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Surely there is, but none that you would ever manage.
[He'd have to harm Torgal or a child or an innocent--and she knows he'd never. He'd sooner run himself through.]
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[ He could. Would he? No. But he could, and he hopes that Jill will react appropriately to the matter, which is with mortification.
Obviously, this is a joke; he just wants to make her laugh some more. ]
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Shame and embarrassment would take you before I could express any disappointment.
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I would prefer the shame and embarrassment to your disappointment.
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All these years and you've never disappointed me, Clive. It's nothing I ever consider.
[He's too good, too noble.]
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No need to make it maudlin, though. He pulls back, stroking soft hair and tucking a stray piece of it behind her ear. A little misty-eyed, truth be told. ]
Thank you, Jill. [ Born as a disappointment, but affirmed by the one woman he loves more than anything. ] Truly. You've always been the one guiding me towards the right path.
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She'll never understand how Anabella could look upon him, her own son, and not cherish him.
I love you, she nearly says, but bites her tongue with a wry smile. She won't steal the moment from Clive.
Instead, she puts her hands on his shoulders and gives him a pointed push. Nothing that will move him unless he allows it, but a clear indicator she wants him on her back.]
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A moment later, when he recovers from that moment of overwhelming emotion, he shifts under Jill's knees and slowly tips himself backwards. Careful not to jostle or make Jill lose her balance in the process, one hand remains settled at her waist to brace her as he leans back, and slowly relinquishes his balance to flop onto clean bedsheets. ]
Jill?
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And then she drops down to pepper his face with kisses. They're soft and gentle despite how quick they are.]
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Jill, [ he whispers again, because the only coherent thought in his head is Jill's name. She's the only thing that exists right now, in this safe, comforting space, and he lifts his hands to sandwich her pretty face between his palms to stop her―
―just so he can give her a more proper kiss, mind. He parts her lips with his, and licks into the welcoming warmth of her mouth. I love you, too. ]
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She's the luckiest woman in Valisthea. No amount of wealth could compare to being loved by Clive.
Her tongue greets his, head tipping to the side as his had before, finding an easier angle to kiss him deeply, slowly. A contrast to the sprinkle of kisses on his face. She shifts her weight onto him, chest to chest, so her hands are both free to slide into his hair.]
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One hand slips off Jill's face and trails along her body, from her shoulder to her slightly-arched back, to the bare skin of her thigh. The shirt is barely covering her lower half now, and Clive makes a soft sound against Jill's lips when he feels his fingers brushing along what he knows is her rear, only covered by the soft, thin fabric of her panties.
His face goes hot again; in the five years since they're reunited, he has most definitely taken care of his personal needs to thoughts of Jill, but his clumsy fantasies pale in comparison to the actual feel of her. ]
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That little noise he makes only makes her kiss him deeper. It's almost as good as making him laugh. Her mouth parts from his because she needs to breathe--and even the sound of her breath is amused, nose brushing his cheek before her mouth drops down to his neck again.
Might as well leave another mark while she has him pinned.]
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Jill, [ sounds almost like a laugh-whine as his hand steals down to her thigh, fingertips pressing into soft skin. He nuzzles into the side of her face, breathing in her scent. ]
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Still, his laughter is sweet and makes her smile and his touch, his breathing, his warmth--it's all addicting. She could spend the whole night indulging in him. Maybe she will.
This love bite comes out better. Jill presses a kiss to it once she's satisfied with her work. Another kiss is pressed to Clive's cheek as she leans up a little, wanting to look into his eyes. She looks very pleased with herself.]
Mmm. Did you say my name?
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[ Breathless but still smiling. Grinning, even. He thinks of Cid for a brief moment, and hears that low, sandpaper drawl saying that everyone should be able to choose how they die.
Funny and morbid, at the same time. He casts that thought aside, and he cranes up to kiss the underside of Jill's jaw. ]
Jill. [ Lower, huskier. ] Will you let me have you tonight?
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Gladly. [A beat, uncertain, because he's been with her since she was given her freedom.] As long as you... don't mind that I've... no real idea what I'm doing.
[Not with a lover. Not in any manner that's mutual, consensual.]
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Wrapping fingers around her wrist, Clive maneuvers her hand so that he can kiss along its knuckles. Slow and reverent, lips to her skin as he responds. ]
Neither do I. [ Not in any way that's ever mattered. He smiles, encouraging, and nips at the base of her ring finger. ] I'm sure we can figure it out together.
[ Mostly, he wants to flip positions and make her come until she can't anymore, but he'll keep that card close to his chest for now. ]
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[Giddy, wonderful nerves. Because this is important to her. Because she's only imagined what he would feel like, taste like, sound like. Because this can't be her good fortune.
She turns her hand in his to run her fingertips over the line of his bottom lip. Now that she knows what they feel like against her mouth and neck, she wants to know what they would feel like on the rest of her. Her breasts, between her legs--]
I want you, Clive.
[It will have to do instead of I love you. I need you comes close, but so many people need him. Fetch this, fight this, solve this. She needs him too, but her want is what feels stronger. She'll always want him. Always.]
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Biting gently against her thumb, Clive fixes his blue, blue eyes on her, his focus as sharp as his blade. The sort of look he gets in battle, when his concentration has narrowed to a fine point. ]
As do I. [ His voice scrapes the back of his throat, hot with anticipation. ] ―Will you roll onto your back for me?
[ A kiss against where he'd bitten, then a light suck to her index. His tongue laves against her skin. ] I want to taste you.
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