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( from here. )
[ a lot of microexpressions are happening where Joshua can't see them. brows up, head tipped, lips pulling into an unspoken hm. obviously, Clive has known that Joshua has been keeping up with his exploits in a way that Clive couldn't have reciprocated, but.
still. a bit humbling, to think that he was so fucking oblivious. ]
Bards do love to embellish. The only time I've seen anyone swoon in my presence is from dehydration.
Which reminds me: are you being cared for?
[ a lot of microexpressions are happening where Joshua can't see them. brows up, head tipped, lips pulling into an unspoken hm. obviously, Clive has known that Joshua has been keeping up with his exploits in a way that Clive couldn't have reciprocated, but.
still. a bit humbling, to think that he was so fucking oblivious. ]
Bards do love to embellish. The only time I've seen anyone swoon in my presence is from dehydration.
Which reminds me: are you being cared for?
( from here. )
Is that right. Who's been lucky enough to be on the receiving end of your watchful eye recently, then?
Is that right. Who's been lucky enough to be on the receiving end of your watchful eye recently, then?
Lucky? I think you might be the only person to use that word. I only try to make sure Tarja has less to worry about.
[Whether that's making sure the children stay out of trouble or their associates don't charge headfirst into fights beyond their capabilities.]
[Whether that's making sure the children stay out of trouble or their associates don't charge headfirst into fights beyond their capabilities.]
'Only'. [ what an understatement. ] I'll have to argue the point with you sometime. Preferably in person.
As soon as Martha gives me her blessing. Stay safe, Jill.
[Joshua couldn't have done anything else. Clive has always been the most important person to him, and for all the time they've been apart, he's done what he can to keep track of him. It hasn't always been easy - the Undying even deliberately kept information from him, for a time - but he needed to know.
He needed to know whether Clive was all right. How he was doing. Whether he was happy.
And sure, maybe it's a little weird to have the cult that worships you also acquire information on your brother. But they did that even without Joshua's requests, and Clive - or Cid - was widely spoken of regardless. Joshua just listened, when he could.]
Ah, yes. I've heard that 'thirsty' can be a slang term for - well, never mind.
[He can't help but tease just a little more, there.]
I'm all right. I don't want you to worry about me, Clive. You've enough on your shoulders.
He needed to know whether Clive was all right. How he was doing. Whether he was happy.
And sure, maybe it's a little weird to have the cult that worships you also acquire information on your brother. But they did that even without Joshua's requests, and Clive - or Cid - was widely spoken of regardless. Joshua just listened, when he could.]
Ah, yes. I've heard that 'thirsty' can be a slang term for - well, never mind.
[He can't help but tease just a little more, there.]
I'm all right. I don't want you to worry about me, Clive. You've enough on your shoulders.
[ another little twinge of his heart, thinking about the time he could have spent being harmlessly offended by someone teaching Joshua inappropriate slang. all the things they could have done, might have done― thirteen years of agony, five years of feeling the pulse of a Phoenix's feather against his skin.
his kneejerk reaction, then, to being told not to worry: ]
I worry because I want to. Don't take this privilege from me, Joshua.
[ he wouldn't be able to bear it, if he were dismissed; Joshua has housed a god between his ribs for years, and this failure to protect Joshua from that choice, again, burns Clive from the inside out.
but, not to make this lighthearted conversation about Clive being a Dominant too austere, Clive pivots. ]
I'll be back from Dalimil soon. I can bring something back for you, if you'd like.
his kneejerk reaction, then, to being told not to worry: ]
I worry because I want to. Don't take this privilege from me, Joshua.
[ he wouldn't be able to bear it, if he were dismissed; Joshua has housed a god between his ribs for years, and this failure to protect Joshua from that choice, again, burns Clive from the inside out.
but, not to make this lighthearted conversation about Clive being a Dominant too austere, Clive pivots. ]
I'll be back from Dalimil soon. I can bring something back for you, if you'd like.
[He has never really considered that Clive - or anyone - might want to worry about him. It’s an odd thought, and for all that Joshua doesn’t want Clive to feel the burden of having to care for him, it still makes him happy to think that Clive might choose to, despite everything.
More than anyone else, if Clive wants to, it’s his right. He’s Joshua’s First Shield, after all. If he still wants to be, even a little, after everything, Joshua will never deny him.]
I really am all right. Only tired, and perhaps a bit lonely. Which you’re solving quite well.
Dalimil... there’s a vendor there sometimes who sells books. Usually only heroic adventures and spicy romances, but I’ve found one or two interesting tomes of old tales there. Oh! And that dessert they make, the one with all the layers and the nuts and honey. I don’t think it’ll travel well, so you ought to eat some for me.
More than anyone else, if Clive wants to, it’s his right. He’s Joshua’s First Shield, after all. If he still wants to be, even a little, after everything, Joshua will never deny him.]
I really am all right. Only tired, and perhaps a bit lonely. Which you’re solving quite well.
Dalimil... there’s a vendor there sometimes who sells books. Usually only heroic adventures and spicy romances, but I’ve found one or two interesting tomes of old tales there. Oh! And that dessert they make, the one with all the layers and the nuts and honey. I don’t think it’ll travel well, so you ought to eat some for me.
[ 'tired and lonely'. time to get his business done in Dalimil as quickly as possible, actually; no matter how exhausted he is after all this chaos and politicking, preserving Joshua's peace of mind remains paramount.
that said― a smile, here, at the boyish enthusiasm. the Joshua that Clive knows. ]
The candied carrots here are also a delicacy, but you'd only push them to the side of your plate.
[ something he noted when he'd nearly missed Joshua last, speaking of the Joshua that Clive knows. ]
But, alright. Books and sweets. I'll see what I can manage.
that said― a smile, here, at the boyish enthusiasm. the Joshua that Clive knows. ]
The candied carrots here are also a delicacy, but you'd only push them to the side of your plate.
[ something he noted when he'd nearly missed Joshua last, speaking of the Joshua that Clive knows. ]
But, alright. Books and sweets. I'll see what I can manage.
[ soon, Clive says, and he makes good on that promise. it's two moons and a bit when he finally returns, ferried back by a grousing Obolus; the children mill by the docks, welcoming him and demanding stories in the same breath.
as always, he (gently) sics Torgal on them― ultimately, they'll always choose the big furry creature over the big, tired man. just as well, though. he's looking for someone specific.
after making his customary report to Otto, he winds his way through the main hall of the skeletal innards of the Hideaway. Lady Charon, who always sees right through him, tells him that she saw Jill helping Tarja in the Infirmary; "well? don't keep a lady waiting", she snaps, and that's Clive's cue.
so. that's why he greets Jill with dust from Dalimil still clinging to his clothes. Tarja raises her brow when he strides in, but politely sees herself out, citing a need to talk to Harpocrates about something. ]
Jill.
...You look well. [ okay, not the smoothest opener, but. it is what it is. ]
as always, he (gently) sics Torgal on them― ultimately, they'll always choose the big furry creature over the big, tired man. just as well, though. he's looking for someone specific.
after making his customary report to Otto, he winds his way through the main hall of the skeletal innards of the Hideaway. Lady Charon, who always sees right through him, tells him that she saw Jill helping Tarja in the Infirmary; "well? don't keep a lady waiting", she snaps, and that's Clive's cue.
so. that's why he greets Jill with dust from Dalimil still clinging to his clothes. Tarja raises her brow when he strides in, but politely sees herself out, citing a need to talk to Harpocrates about something. ]
Jill.
...You look well. [ okay, not the smoothest opener, but. it is what it is. ]
Edited 2025-08-10 22:52 (UTC)
[And there he is.
Time apart is never easy, but she understands that they can often accomplish more by being in two places at once. Still, it sometimes feels unfair after so much time was stolen away from them. When she turns and sees Clive, leathers a shade lighter from the road, it's all forgotten.]
Clive.
[She greets him with a wide smile. There's always her cursory check--no visible wounds, no gaping holes or bruises or harm that lingers despite being a Dominant. Just fatigue, perhaps, but that can be easily fixed.]
Welcome back. I thought I heard a commotion out there.
[Everyone is always glad to see him, but none as much as Jill. Yet there's that hesitation--manners and etiquette taught to them both at a young age about how a young lord and lady should act, but they're neither of those things, now. They're something else. It's there for a moment before Jill pushes past it to step in and embrace Clive, not minding the transfer of dust from him to her. She missed him too much to care about propriety.]
Time apart is never easy, but she understands that they can often accomplish more by being in two places at once. Still, it sometimes feels unfair after so much time was stolen away from them. When she turns and sees Clive, leathers a shade lighter from the road, it's all forgotten.]
Clive.
[She greets him with a wide smile. There's always her cursory check--no visible wounds, no gaping holes or bruises or harm that lingers despite being a Dominant. Just fatigue, perhaps, but that can be easily fixed.]
Welcome back. I thought I heard a commotion out there.
[Everyone is always glad to see him, but none as much as Jill. Yet there's that hesitation--manners and etiquette taught to them both at a young age about how a young lord and lady should act, but they're neither of those things, now. They're something else. It's there for a moment before Jill pushes past it to step in and embrace Clive, not minding the transfer of dust from him to her. She missed him too much to care about propriety.]
Ugh! Don’t remind me. What a horrible creation, as if adding sweetness would do anything but make carrots even worse. You can eat those for me too.
[It’s comforting, somehow, to be indulged like this. To have Clive tease him over something so small and silly, or even to just ask if there’s something he’d like.
He’s spoiled, perhaps - even after all these years, Clive is willing to spoil him. And how can Joshua refuse, when it seems to make him happy, even just a little?]
They’re not making things too difficult for you there, are they?
[It’s comforting, somehow, to be indulged like this. To have Clive tease him over something so small and silly, or even to just ask if there’s something he’d like.
He’s spoiled, perhaps - even after all these years, Clive is willing to spoil him. And how can Joshua refuse, when it seems to make him happy, even just a little?]
They’re not making things too difficult for you there, are they?
[ in turn, it's comforting to indulge like this. his brother, cursed with his blessing on his first breath, championed and deified before he even knew the shape of the burden he'd been forced to carry forever; Clive would burn before he denied Joshua any lightness of being.
affection wells in the back of his throat. ever since they reunited, Clive thinks he could cry from the sheer force of it. ]
No more difficult than things always are. The Desert Hare is as inscrutable as ever in the way he orchestrates things, but I believe in the goodness of his intentions.
Or, well. I'd like to believe in the goodness of his intentions. [ a light laugh here, not that Joshua can hear it. ] I suspect he thinks I'm easy to push around. I let him think it.
affection wells in the back of his throat. ever since they reunited, Clive thinks he could cry from the sheer force of it. ]
No more difficult than things always are. The Desert Hare is as inscrutable as ever in the way he orchestrates things, but I believe in the goodness of his intentions.
Or, well. I'd like to believe in the goodness of his intentions. [ a light laugh here, not that Joshua can hear it. ] I suspect he thinks I'm easy to push around. I let him think it.
You let me think it, too.
[In small ways, at least, Clive seems amenable to letting Joshua push him around. If they'd lived a different life, the one they'd thought they would have, Joshua would have been his ruler - might have expected to be obeyed. They didn't, though, and Joshua thinks that even if they had his adoration of Clive would never have allowed him to become too domineering.
Clive lets Joshua impose upon him, and tease him, and ask him for things. But Joshua has never once doubted his stubbornness, or his strength. If anything, he wishes Clive would listen to him more, because Joshua would have him lay down some of the burdens he carries. There's too much on his shoulders.
It's far easier to ask for books and pastries than that.]
But I have no doubt that you will manage. You inspire good intentions in people, inscrutable or not. L'ubor isn't immune to your charms.
[Which sparks a somewhat horrifying, if a bit hilarious, thought.]
It wasn't him who laughed at you, was it?
[In small ways, at least, Clive seems amenable to letting Joshua push him around. If they'd lived a different life, the one they'd thought they would have, Joshua would have been his ruler - might have expected to be obeyed. They didn't, though, and Joshua thinks that even if they had his adoration of Clive would never have allowed him to become too domineering.
Clive lets Joshua impose upon him, and tease him, and ask him for things. But Joshua has never once doubted his stubbornness, or his strength. If anything, he wishes Clive would listen to him more, because Joshua would have him lay down some of the burdens he carries. There's too much on his shoulders.
It's far easier to ask for books and pastries than that.]
But I have no doubt that you will manage. You inspire good intentions in people, inscrutable or not. L'ubor isn't immune to your charms.
[Which sparks a somewhat horrifying, if a bit hilarious, thought.]
It wasn't him who laughed at you, was it?
[ her smile. physically, Clive remains upright; mentally and emotionally, he feels his entire equilibrium shift from the sheer force of the expression on Jill's face. something about hearts and doing backflips, he thinks― if he usually runs warm, thanks to all that hellfire nestled in his being, he must be burning now.
a moment to remember to breathe, and Clive catches Jill in the loop of his own arms, resting his chin carefully against the side of her head, cheek to soft hair. ]
―I was looking for you, [ he promises, making sure that his hands don't stray too impolitely down the perfect arch of Jill's back. just around the middle, under her shoulderblades. he's reminded of all the times he'd wanted to touch her, only to curl his fingers back from nervous second-guessing. ] Am I interrupting anything?
a moment to remember to breathe, and Clive catches Jill in the loop of his own arms, resting his chin carefully against the side of her head, cheek to soft hair. ]
―I was looking for you, [ he promises, making sure that his hands don't stray too impolitely down the perfect arch of Jill's back. just around the middle, under her shoulderblades. he's reminded of all the times he'd wanted to touch her, only to curl his fingers back from nervous second-guessing. ] Am I interrupting anything?
[ does he allow Joshua to push him around? Clive hardly thinks so. it feels more like laws of celestial bodies, really― some stars were made to orbit others. they have a gravity, a pulse and flow, inexorable as the movement of the tides. as far as Clive sees it, Joshua has never let Clive do anything but live, even when Clive didn't think himself deserving of it.
that seems too much to say, though, so he doesn't. better to focus on the fact that Joshua is roasting him into another dimension, because: ]
I regret to inform you that it was.
[ why is he getting BULLIED tonight!!!!! ]
And now I see why he did. Thank you, Joshua.
[ that twink is getting on his LAST nerve (affectionate). ]
that seems too much to say, though, so he doesn't. better to focus on the fact that Joshua is roasting him into another dimension, because: ]
I regret to inform you that it was.
[ why is he getting BULLIED tonight!!!!! ]
And now I see why he did. Thank you, Joshua.
[ that twink is getting on his LAST nerve (affectionate). ]
[It takes Joshua a moment to reply, as he has to laugh quite a bit first - and then cough just a little, and then drink some water. Luckily Tarja isn’t around to scold him or give him more medicine, because really, he feels much better for that moment of laughter.]
I am delighted to be able to help with your diplomatic efforts even from all this way.
[Oh, if only he’d been there. But then Clive would never live this down, instead of having to endure only a bit of light teasing.]
At least you entertained him. That’s probably good.
I am delighted to be able to help with your diplomatic efforts even from all this way.
[Oh, if only he’d been there. But then Clive would never live this down, instead of having to endure only a bit of light teasing.]
At least you entertained him. That’s probably good.
[She smiles into the embrace, and it lingers on her lips as she politely pulls back, hands giving his arms a squeeze before letting go. As much as she would like to stay in them, it's not appropriate, and she thinks they both might expire should someone walk in.]
No, you aren't. I was hoping you'd make it back today and was just helping Tarja to pass the time.
[She motions to a nearby empty bed with fresh linens, neatly made and ready for its next patient whoever that may be.]
How was your journey? Unwelcome remarks aside.
No, you aren't. I was hoping you'd make it back today and was just helping Tarja to pass the time.
[She motions to a nearby empty bed with fresh linens, neatly made and ready for its next patient whoever that may be.]
How was your journey? Unwelcome remarks aside.
[ getting bullied by a seemingly insouciant but ultimately good-meaning ally in the presence of his brother would have been worth it, just to watch Joshua laugh. there seems to be less and less levity available in the world, and they're all clawing and fighting to find it. ]
If only I'd been trying to be entertaining. [ he is a Dominant; it's not his fault some people take that the wrong way. also, what's so funny about the thought of him being dominant in other areas, huh!!!
entirely unoffended, though. he gets it. ]
I'd best leave this place before I tarnish Cid's name further.
If only I'd been trying to be entertaining. [ he is a Dominant; it's not his fault some people take that the wrong way. also, what's so funny about the thought of him being dominant in other areas, huh!!!
entirely unoffended, though. he gets it. ]
I'd best leave this place before I tarnish Cid's name further.
[ over too soon. he's reminded of recent memory, of sitting on one of those neatly-made beds and almost brushing noses with the woman currently beaming up at him―
―begone, impure thoughts. founder, he must be more tired than he'd thought. ]
The usual. Being called identical to Torgal was the highlight, actually.
[ the rest of it was fairly routine: run around, swing his sword at hostiles. he has a small bruise on his side from where a wild chocobo kicked him, but nothing worse than that. ]
Bandits and Akashic run rampant. Everyone is tired and uncertain― it'll be good to visit them periodically, called upon or no.
―begone, impure thoughts. founder, he must be more tired than he'd thought. ]
The usual. Being called identical to Torgal was the highlight, actually.
[ the rest of it was fairly routine: run around, swing his sword at hostiles. he has a small bruise on his side from where a wild chocobo kicked him, but nothing worse than that. ]
Bandits and Akashic run rampant. Everyone is tired and uncertain― it'll be good to visit them periodically, called upon or no.
They don't appreciate Torgal for how striking he is.
[As is Clive, but a man of his size and physique tends to draw attention. She misses the days when he would wear his hair shorter and neater, but she understands the need to make the scar on his face less obvious. A shame it makes it harder to see the perfect blue of his eyes.
One day, Jill consoles herself, no one will need to hide. Clive included.]
I will accompany you next time.
[... schedules and duties allowing, of course.]
[As is Clive, but a man of his size and physique tends to draw attention. She misses the days when he would wear his hair shorter and neater, but she understands the need to make the scar on his face less obvious. A shame it makes it harder to see the perfect blue of his eyes.
One day, Jill consoles herself, no one will need to hide. Clive included.]
I will accompany you next time.
[... schedules and duties allowing, of course.]
Will you be headed somewhere else when you're finished? Or back to the Hideaway?
[It feels faintly ridiculous to miss Clive when they're currently communicating, when it hasn't been so long, when they aren't that far apart. It's not like those years, those long years where first he didn't know where Clive was, and then he couldn't go to him, and even after that he had to keep traveling, keep digging. It was necessary for all sorts of reasons, but that didn't make it easy.
And maybe that's why he feels the distance so keenly now. Because he can talk to Clive again finally, and tease him, and even spend time with him sometimes. Joshua doesn't know how long it will last, this precarious happiness. He doesn't want to waste it. But Clive has so many demands on him.]
Next time I'd like to come with you. I'll keep your - and Cid's - honor intact.
[It feels faintly ridiculous to miss Clive when they're currently communicating, when it hasn't been so long, when they aren't that far apart. It's not like those years, those long years where first he didn't know where Clive was, and then he couldn't go to him, and even after that he had to keep traveling, keep digging. It was necessary for all sorts of reasons, but that didn't make it easy.
And maybe that's why he feels the distance so keenly now. Because he can talk to Clive again finally, and tease him, and even spend time with him sometimes. Joshua doesn't know how long it will last, this precarious happiness. He doesn't want to waste it. But Clive has so many demands on him.]
Next time I'd like to come with you. I'll keep your - and Cid's - honor intact.
[ schedules and duties allowing. there's so much that needs doing that has nothing to do with what Clive prefers; Joshua returning to them has been a joy he didn't dare to even dream of, but with that joy also comes the stark reminder of his ever-present guilt, and all the ways in which future failures could prove catastrophic.
still, Jill's offer warms him. she needn't be burdened unduly by the things in his head-- he's already taken so much of her over the past five years.
so. a smile, soft and gentle. ]
I feel safer already. [ not even a suggestion of facetiousness. he gestures for her to follow him out of the Infirmary, not content to continue exiling Tarja from her space. ] ...We can speak over a pint, if you'd like. It's been an age and some since we've had some time to breathe.
[ they can take their glasses back to his quarters. Maeve is, understandably, lenient with the man who often buys rounds for the house. ]
still, Jill's offer warms him. she needn't be burdened unduly by the things in his head-- he's already taken so much of her over the past five years.
so. a smile, soft and gentle. ]
I feel safer already. [ not even a suggestion of facetiousness. he gestures for her to follow him out of the Infirmary, not content to continue exiling Tarja from her space. ] ...We can speak over a pint, if you'd like. It's been an age and some since we've had some time to breathe.
[ they can take their glasses back to his quarters. Maeve is, understandably, lenient with the man who often buys rounds for the house. ]
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