[ a lot of microexpressions are happening where Joshua can't see them. brows up, head tipped, lips pulling into an unspoken hm. obviously, Clive has known that Joshua has been keeping up with his exploits in a way that Clive couldn't have reciprocated, but.
still. a bit humbling, to think that he was so fucking oblivious. ]
Bards do love to embellish. The only time I've seen anyone swoon in my presence is from dehydration.
[Joshua couldn't have done anything else. Clive has always been the most important person to him, and for all the time they've been apart, he's done what he can to keep track of him. It hasn't always been easy - the Undying even deliberately kept information from him, for a time - but he needed to know.
He needed to know whether Clive was all right. How he was doing. Whether he was happy.
And sure, maybe it's a little weird to have the cult that worships you also acquire information on your brother. But they did that even without Joshua's requests, and Clive - or Cid - was widely spoken of regardless. Joshua just listened, when he could.]
Ah, yes. I've heard that 'thirsty' can be a slang term for - well, never mind.
[He can't help but tease just a little more, there.]
I'm all right. I don't want you to worry about me, Clive. You've enough on your shoulders.
[ another little twinge of his heart, thinking about the time he could have spent being harmlessly offended by someone teaching Joshua inappropriate slang. all the things they could have done, might have done― thirteen years of agony, five years of feeling the pulse of a Phoenix's feather against his skin.
his kneejerk reaction, then, to being told not to worry: ]
I worry because I want to. Don't take this privilege from me, Joshua.
[ he wouldn't be able to bear it, if he were dismissed; Joshua has housed a god between his ribs for years, and this failure to protect Joshua from that choice, again, burns Clive from the inside out.
but, not to make this lighthearted conversation about Clive being a Dominant too austere, Clive pivots. ]
I'll be back from Dalimil soon. I can bring something back for you, if you'd like.
[He has never really considered that Clive - or anyone - might want to worry about him. It’s an odd thought, and for all that Joshua doesn’t want Clive to feel the burden of having to care for him, it still makes him happy to think that Clive might choose to, despite everything.
More than anyone else, if Clive wants to, it’s his right. He’s Joshua’s First Shield, after all. If he still wants to be, even a little, after everything, Joshua will never deny him.]
I really am all right. Only tired, and perhaps a bit lonely. Which you’re solving quite well.
Dalimil... there’s a vendor there sometimes who sells books. Usually only heroic adventures and spicy romances, but I’ve found one or two interesting tomes of old tales there. Oh! And that dessert they make, the one with all the layers and the nuts and honey. I don’t think it’ll travel well, so you ought to eat some for me.
[ 'tired and lonely'. time to get his business done in Dalimil as quickly as possible, actually; no matter how exhausted he is after all this chaos and politicking, preserving Joshua's peace of mind remains paramount.
that said― a smile, here, at the boyish enthusiasm. the Joshua that Clive knows. ]
The candied carrots here are also a delicacy, but you'd only push them to the side of your plate.
[ something he noted when he'd nearly missed Joshua last, speaking of the Joshua that Clive knows. ]
But, alright. Books and sweets. I'll see what I can manage.
Ugh! Don’t remind me. What a horrible creation, as if adding sweetness would do anything but make carrots even worse. You can eat those for me too.
[It’s comforting, somehow, to be indulged like this. To have Clive tease him over something so small and silly, or even to just ask if there’s something he’d like.
He’s spoiled, perhaps - even after all these years, Clive is willing to spoil him. And how can Joshua refuse, when it seems to make him happy, even just a little?]
They’re not making things too difficult for you there, are they?
[ in turn, it's comforting to indulge like this. his brother, cursed with his blessing on his first breath, championed and deified before he even knew the shape of the burden he'd been forced to carry forever; Clive would burn before he denied Joshua any lightness of being.
affection wells in the back of his throat. ever since they reunited, Clive thinks he could cry from the sheer force of it. ]
No more difficult than things always are. The Desert Hare is as inscrutable as ever in the way he orchestrates things, but I believe in the goodness of his intentions.
Or, well. I'd like to believe in the goodness of his intentions. [ a light laugh here, not that Joshua can hear it. ] I suspect he thinks I'm easy to push around. I let him think it.
[In small ways, at least, Clive seems amenable to letting Joshua push him around. If they'd lived a different life, the one they'd thought they would have, Joshua would have been his ruler - might have expected to be obeyed. They didn't, though, and Joshua thinks that even if they had his adoration of Clive would never have allowed him to become too domineering.
Clive lets Joshua impose upon him, and tease him, and ask him for things. But Joshua has never once doubted his stubbornness, or his strength. If anything, he wishes Clive would listen to him more, because Joshua would have him lay down some of the burdens he carries. There's too much on his shoulders.
It's far easier to ask for books and pastries than that.]
But I have no doubt that you will manage. You inspire good intentions in people, inscrutable or not. L'ubor isn't immune to your charms.
[Which sparks a somewhat horrifying, if a bit hilarious, thought.]
[ does he allow Joshua to push him around? Clive hardly thinks so. it feels more like laws of celestial bodies, really― some stars were made to orbit others. they have a gravity, a pulse and flow, inexorable as the movement of the tides. as far as Clive sees it, Joshua has never let Clive do anything but live, even when Clive didn't think himself deserving of it.
that seems too much to say, though, so he doesn't. better to focus on the fact that Joshua is roasting him into another dimension, because: ]
I regret to inform you that it was.
[ why is he getting BULLIED tonight!!!!! ]
And now I see why he did. Thank you, Joshua.
[ that twink is getting on his LAST nerve (affectionate). ]
[It takes Joshua a moment to reply, as he has to laugh quite a bit first - and then cough just a little, and then drink some water. Luckily Tarja isn’t around to scold him or give him more medicine, because really, he feels much better for that moment of laughter.]
I am delighted to be able to help with your diplomatic efforts even from all this way.
[Oh, if only he’d been there. But then Clive would never live this down, instead of having to endure only a bit of light teasing.]
At least you entertained him. That’s probably good.
[ getting bullied by a seemingly insouciant but ultimately good-meaning ally in the presence of his brother would have been worth it, just to watch Joshua laugh. there seems to be less and less levity available in the world, and they're all clawing and fighting to find it. ]
If only I'd been trying to be entertaining. [ he is a Dominant; it's not his fault some people take that the wrong way. also, what's so funny about the thought of him being dominant in other areas, huh!!!
entirely unoffended, though. he gets it. ]
I'd best leave this place before I tarnish Cid's name further.
Will you be headed somewhere else when you're finished? Or back to the Hideaway?
[It feels faintly ridiculous to miss Clive when they're currently communicating, when it hasn't been so long, when they aren't that far apart. It's not like those years, those long years where first he didn't know where Clive was, and then he couldn't go to him, and even after that he had to keep traveling, keep digging. It was necessary for all sorts of reasons, but that didn't make it easy.
And maybe that's why he feels the distance so keenly now. Because he can talk to Clive again finally, and tease him, and even spend time with him sometimes. Joshua doesn't know how long it will last, this precarious happiness. He doesn't want to waste it. But Clive has so many demands on him.]
Next time I'd like to come with you. I'll keep your - and Cid's - honor intact.
[ a beat, to think of an answer. Joshua might note the delay. ]
We'll speak about it further when I come back.
[ it doesn't seem the kind of conversation they should be having semi-indirectly, without the clarity of physical presence to provide context for each other's assertions and opinions. Clive doesn't want to be misunderstood, nor does he want to misunderstand; how does he tell Joshua, over dispassionate text, that he wants nothing more than to be by his brother's side, to protect him as his shield in all the ways he'd failed to, but also desperately fears harming Joshua as a result?
it can't be done. so he'll have to take care of business in Dalimil-- quickly, at that. ]
[He does note the delay, and he doesn't like it. He doesn't especially like the answer either.
Joshua doesn't know what Clive is thinking, but a simple assent would be easy enough. Still... he does understand, to some extent. He knows that Clive worries about his weakness, the way that Ultima affects him. Though Joshua is a capable enough fighter, he doesn't have the sort of stamina or strength that Clive does, and he never will. Both Tarja and Jote have made it quite clear that he ought to take better care of himself.
But in Joshua's eyes, there really isn't time for that. And he can't fix his physical condition, and if that's the case, he would rather spend what time he has with Clive. It's what he's wanted for years.
Hopefully he can convince Clive of that.]
I'll hold my silence on the topic for now, then. Give Torgal my love - we will be waiting for you both to return.
[ thirteen years apart, and all Clive wants to do is tell Joshua yes. to anything, to everything. but four mother crystals are dead, and the god that wishes to house itself in Clive's body is eating Joshua from the inside out; all these years, and Clive still feels like he's failing, floundering.
if anything happens to Joshua again, anything at all, it would break him.
so he stews in that promised silence between them. hones his focus on the internal affairs that ravage Dalimil time and time again, despite all the ways in which the clever Hare tries to keep his people together. swords are swung, and some men die. the way of the world, Clive tells himself, but the whole affair leaves a yawning chasm in his chest.
he's glad to be back, when he finally reaches the Hideaway. dust in his hair, sand stuck to his leathers. he leaves Torgal with Jill, leaves his reports with Otto, and leaves his gil with Charon before he finally has the time to meander through the skeletal framework of the Hideaway in search of Joshua.
the Infirmary is his best bet. he pushes past the door, quiet and careful; Tarja is curiously absent, but Clive brightens when he spots the (somewhat) familiar outline of his brother perched on one of the well-made cots. ]
[Joshua looks up from the book he'd been poring over - taken from the library with permission, one of a small stack that live by the infirmary bed he's been using for the past few days. He feels better, really, well enough to leave the infirmary certainly, but Tarja has only just agreed to that. He hasn't yet gotten his own room, hasn't moved his few things.
While he certainly wouldn't mind having his own space, Joshua has been quietly hoping that having a somewhat clean bill of health also means that he can begin accompanying Clive. The thought of his brother putting himself in danger, again and again... of course it's who he is, of course Joshua admires him for it. But he wants to be there, he wants to do what he can to help. Clive should not have to bear these burdens alone.
He smiles at the sight of Clive, an unconscious and immediate reaction.]
Welcome back, brother. [And he sets the book aside and stands, taking a few steps toward Clive to embrace him in greeting. The dust of the road means nothing to him, and neither does the idea that a grown man should be less open with gestures of affection. Hasn't he been deprived of this long enough? He'll hug his brother when and where he wishes.] You're well, I hope?
[Joshua steps back, as if to look him over and ensure that's the case. He doesn't have quite the sharp eye of Tarja, but someone needs to be certain Clive is looked after.]
[ resolved to be a monster, but more man than beast in Joshua's presence. Clive meets Joshua open-armed, catching him in the embrace as if he'd fall sideways if Clive chose to let go; careful and attentive, hands still holding Joshua's shoulders when he pulls back to mirror his brother's once-over, checking for paleness or unsteadiness. ]
I've some bruises― mostly to my ego. [ a joke. he doesn't have an ego to speak of. ] But I'm whole.
[ a long, coeurl-whisker-shaped discoloration under his shirt, and general weariness that comes from travel and fighting. the sort of physical toll that he's been enduring since he was old enough to swing a sword.
a hand lifts from the crest of Joshua's shoulder, and rests on soft blond hair. ] Have the others been treating you well?
[Joshua is as hale and whole as he ever is these days, and a bit restless because of it. He doesn't pull away from Clive, though, perfectly content with any and every affectionate gesture he might be allowed.]
Very well. Lady Tarja is terrifying, but also terrifyingly competent. And everyone else - they've been quite kind. [He's silent for a moment.] It's... odd, being somewhere I don't need to lie about who I am.
[Here, everyone knows he's Clive's brother, and it's no secret that he's the Phoenix as well. Joshua has kept both of those secrets from everyone except the Undying for years now. He's still learning what it means to be known as who he is - though really, so far all it's meant is that he can occasionally wheedle stories about Clive from the residents here.]
You've built an incredible place. Now that you're back, I'll expect a tour before long.
[Teasing, just a bit, as he studies Clive's face to be sure he really is well.]
[ well, but tired. the exhaustion shows in subtle ways: the slight dark circles under bright-blue eyes, the occasional shifting of Clive's weight from one foot to the other. under the shroud of fatigue, though, is fire― warmth that he shares with Joshua, the perfection he'd achieved, even momentarily, as Ifrit Risen.
the monster inside Clive flares in recognition at the presence of the Phoenix. one hand― the one not currently occupied ruffling Joshua's hair― instinctively moves to his heart, almost as if to cage the thing threatening to spill out of his chest.
a breath, in and out. ]
...Long overdue, I think. [ regarding the tour. his voice scrapes a bit; calm, he tells Ifrit in the safety of his head. ] I'm sorry, Joshua. It wasn't my intention to keep you hidden away.
[ though it seems like Joshua's already made friends with Harpocrates, with the stacks he's been accruing next to his bed. a quick smile, and Clive finally lets his brother go, properly. ]
[Much as he might hate to admit it, he knows when he’s taxed himself too far. Rather than hidden, he felt - protected in a way he hasn’t felt in some time. Restless as he might get, it hasn’t been unpleasant at all.]
You’re not headed back out again soon, are you? You look like you might be able to use some rest as well.
[He takes Clive’s arm, tugging gently but insistently, pulling him down so they can both sit on the edge of the bed. Close, but not too close. If he feels a bit warm when Clive is near, that can easily be blamed on the Phoenix. Though truly, what’s the difference between that and his own heart?
But Clive does look tired, and if he won’t look after himself properly, that means Joshua gets to do it, with all the power of an annoying younger brother.]
[ a good age, since he's had Joshua fret over him like this. or is it? maybe it's been thirteen years of Joshua wringing his hands from the sidelines, worrying over the state of the Shield who failed him so horrendously. Clive doesn't have it in himself to refuse the concern, and so, he settles down obediently when he's bid. ]
I remember when you would try to convince Lord Murdoch that I needed more rest. [ he recounts softly, moving to unfasten his gauntlets and cape to relieve himself of a bit of weight. ] He obliged you when asked, but he bade me circle the courtyard twice as fast the next day.
[ not to blame Joshua for trying― it's a fond memory. they were, the both of them, so dedicated to seeing to it that Clive would always be ready if anything were to befall Rosaria. it had given Clive so much purpose, so much pride.
a smile, as he lowers one clunky armor piece onto clean sheets. ]
[He has been worried all this time, of course, but failure never once entered his mind.
Joshua reaches out, ready to remove some of that armor, to take it from Clive’s hands and set it aside. Just a little weight off his shoulders.]
I always feared he was just humoring me. I thought since you were my Shield, shouldn’t I be able to decide how hard you worked?
[Joshua smiles to himself, thinking of it. He loved Clive for working so hard, but even then feared that he might hurt himself, and Joshua never wanted to be the cause of that. Older now, Joshua knows that it wasn’t only about him - that Clive wanted a place in their family, a role that he belonged in. He always had a steadfast heart. He deserved so much better than he got.]
Perhaps I’ll have more influence this time, if I’m very lucky.
[Tarja might be annoyed about the sheets later, but Joshua hardly notices now, setting another dusty piece of armor down.]
[ "more influence". funny, that. Clive hands Joshua one last piece of crafted metal, battered from years of use, and rolls his now-freed shoulders. ]
'Perhaps'. [ a hum, as he elbows Joshua. playful, light. ] If there are less recipes that need making, and less moody Blacksmiths that need cheering up.
[ with apologies to Blackthorne, a lovely man who deserves a pick-me-up every now and then. Clive is all too happy to oblige the many, many pedestrian requests that the people of the Hideaway demand of him; compared to the unrelenting grind of war and disaster, finding flowers to use for esoteric purposes is a welcome change of pace.
which is a somewhat clunky segue into the bighorn in the room: ] ―But you mentioned wanting to come along on some of these unglamorous outings.
[He's been thinking about it since then. With little else to do when he's supposed to be resting, Joshua's had plenty of time to think. To prepare his arguments, even, though he knows it probably won't be as straightforward as he would like. Still, he'll try.]
I know Torgal is the best companion anyone could ask for, but he shouldn't be the only one with you. I'm capable enough with a sword, and my health is much improved. There seems to be an endless list of tasks for you to take care of - let me come along. I'm certain I can help.
[He leaves out an argument that he thought of, but decided would likely end up counting against him: he can use the power of the Phoenix should Clive ever be injured. Joshua remembers well how it was thought of as a waste for him to use the eikon's powers to heal injuries, since it does come at a cost to him - but he doesn't care. He never has. He'll gladly call on the Phoenix to protect Clive from harm.]
I've done quite a bit of traveling, too. I may have contacts that can assist us.
[ capable with a sword, health improved, with contacts across Storm. Joshua is no longer the small boy who doubted others' belief in him, who told Clive that he doesn't have the strength; the thought of it makes Clive press his palm back against his chest, recalling the feeling of the Phoenix coursing through him when he was Risen.
it would be a disservice to treat Joshua like the child he isn't. like some frail thing that would break at the first sign of hardship. Clive has been Joshua's hardship― dig a little deeper into the horrors of his past, and he can still feel Joshua breaking under Ifrit's hands.
a breath, in and out. ] Joshua. I don't doubt that you can help. [ he doesn't. it's sincerely meant, lest Joshua ever undeservedly think himself incapable. ] It's only that―
[ his brows furrow, and blue eyes shutter closed for a fraction of a second. ]
―You've already sacrificed so much of yourself for my sake. You've burned your candle at both ends for my safety, while I knew nothing of it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tfln; flamerisen.
[ a lot of microexpressions are happening where Joshua can't see them. brows up, head tipped, lips pulling into an unspoken hm. obviously, Clive has known that Joshua has been keeping up with his exploits in a way that Clive couldn't have reciprocated, but.
still. a bit humbling, to think that he was so fucking oblivious. ]
Bards do love to embellish. The only time I've seen anyone swoon in my presence is from dehydration.
Which reminds me: are you being cared for?
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He needed to know whether Clive was all right. How he was doing. Whether he was happy.
And sure, maybe it's a little weird to have the cult that worships you also acquire information on your brother. But they did that even without Joshua's requests, and Clive - or Cid - was widely spoken of regardless. Joshua just listened, when he could.]
Ah, yes. I've heard that 'thirsty' can be a slang term for - well, never mind.
[He can't help but tease just a little more, there.]
I'm all right. I don't want you to worry about me, Clive. You've enough on your shoulders.
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his kneejerk reaction, then, to being told not to worry: ]
I worry because I want to. Don't take this privilege from me, Joshua.
[ he wouldn't be able to bear it, if he were dismissed; Joshua has housed a god between his ribs for years, and this failure to protect Joshua from that choice, again, burns Clive from the inside out.
but, not to make this lighthearted conversation about Clive being a Dominant too austere, Clive pivots. ]
I'll be back from Dalimil soon. I can bring something back for you, if you'd like.
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More than anyone else, if Clive wants to, it’s his right. He’s Joshua’s First Shield, after all. If he still wants to be, even a little, after everything, Joshua will never deny him.]
I really am all right. Only tired, and perhaps a bit lonely. Which you’re solving quite well.
Dalimil... there’s a vendor there sometimes who sells books. Usually only heroic adventures and spicy romances, but I’ve found one or two interesting tomes of old tales there. Oh! And that dessert they make, the one with all the layers and the nuts and honey. I don’t think it’ll travel well, so you ought to eat some for me.
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that said― a smile, here, at the boyish enthusiasm. the Joshua that Clive knows. ]
The candied carrots here are also a delicacy, but you'd only push them to the side of your plate.
[ something he noted when he'd nearly missed Joshua last, speaking of the Joshua that Clive knows. ]
But, alright. Books and sweets. I'll see what I can manage.
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[It’s comforting, somehow, to be indulged like this. To have Clive tease him over something so small and silly, or even to just ask if there’s something he’d like.
He’s spoiled, perhaps - even after all these years, Clive is willing to spoil him. And how can Joshua refuse, when it seems to make him happy, even just a little?]
They’re not making things too difficult for you there, are they?
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affection wells in the back of his throat. ever since they reunited, Clive thinks he could cry from the sheer force of it. ]
No more difficult than things always are. The Desert Hare is as inscrutable as ever in the way he orchestrates things, but I believe in the goodness of his intentions.
Or, well. I'd like to believe in the goodness of his intentions. [ a light laugh here, not that Joshua can hear it. ] I suspect he thinks I'm easy to push around. I let him think it.
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[In small ways, at least, Clive seems amenable to letting Joshua push him around. If they'd lived a different life, the one they'd thought they would have, Joshua would have been his ruler - might have expected to be obeyed. They didn't, though, and Joshua thinks that even if they had his adoration of Clive would never have allowed him to become too domineering.
Clive lets Joshua impose upon him, and tease him, and ask him for things. But Joshua has never once doubted his stubbornness, or his strength. If anything, he wishes Clive would listen to him more, because Joshua would have him lay down some of the burdens he carries. There's too much on his shoulders.
It's far easier to ask for books and pastries than that.]
But I have no doubt that you will manage. You inspire good intentions in people, inscrutable or not. L'ubor isn't immune to your charms.
[Which sparks a somewhat horrifying, if a bit hilarious, thought.]
It wasn't him who laughed at you, was it?
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that seems too much to say, though, so he doesn't. better to focus on the fact that Joshua is roasting him into another dimension, because: ]
I regret to inform you that it was.
[ why is he getting BULLIED tonight!!!!! ]
And now I see why he did. Thank you, Joshua.
[ that twink is getting on his LAST nerve (affectionate). ]
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I am delighted to be able to help with your diplomatic efforts even from all this way.
[Oh, if only he’d been there. But then Clive would never live this down, instead of having to endure only a bit of light teasing.]
At least you entertained him. That’s probably good.
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If only I'd been trying to be entertaining. [ he is a Dominant; it's not his fault some people take that the wrong way. also, what's so funny about the thought of him being dominant in other areas, huh!!!
entirely unoffended, though. he gets it. ]
I'd best leave this place before I tarnish Cid's name further.
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[It feels faintly ridiculous to miss Clive when they're currently communicating, when it hasn't been so long, when they aren't that far apart. It's not like those years, those long years where first he didn't know where Clive was, and then he couldn't go to him, and even after that he had to keep traveling, keep digging. It was necessary for all sorts of reasons, but that didn't make it easy.
And maybe that's why he feels the distance so keenly now. Because he can talk to Clive again finally, and tease him, and even spend time with him sometimes. Joshua doesn't know how long it will last, this precarious happiness. He doesn't want to waste it. But Clive has so many demands on him.]
Next time I'd like to come with you. I'll keep your - and Cid's - honor intact.
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We'll speak about it further when I come back.
[ it doesn't seem the kind of conversation they should be having semi-indirectly, without the clarity of physical presence to provide context for each other's assertions and opinions. Clive doesn't want to be misunderstood, nor does he want to misunderstand; how does he tell Joshua, over dispassionate text, that he wants nothing more than to be by his brother's side, to protect him as his shield in all the ways he'd failed to, but also desperately fears harming Joshua as a result?
it can't be done. so he'll have to take care of business in Dalimil-- quickly, at that. ]
I'll return to the Hideaway in two days' time.
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Joshua doesn't know what Clive is thinking, but a simple assent would be easy enough. Still... he does understand, to some extent. He knows that Clive worries about his weakness, the way that Ultima affects him. Though Joshua is a capable enough fighter, he doesn't have the sort of stamina or strength that Clive does, and he never will. Both Tarja and Jote have made it quite clear that he ought to take better care of himself.
But in Joshua's eyes, there really isn't time for that. And he can't fix his physical condition, and if that's the case, he would rather spend what time he has with Clive. It's what he's wanted for years.
Hopefully he can convince Clive of that.]
I'll hold my silence on the topic for now, then. Give Torgal my love - we will be waiting for you both to return.
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if anything happens to Joshua again, anything at all, it would break him.
so he stews in that promised silence between them. hones his focus on the internal affairs that ravage Dalimil time and time again, despite all the ways in which the clever Hare tries to keep his people together. swords are swung, and some men die. the way of the world, Clive tells himself, but the whole affair leaves a yawning chasm in his chest.
he's glad to be back, when he finally reaches the Hideaway. dust in his hair, sand stuck to his leathers. he leaves Torgal with Jill, leaves his reports with Otto, and leaves his gil with Charon before he finally has the time to meander through the skeletal framework of the Hideaway in search of Joshua.
the Infirmary is his best bet. he pushes past the door, quiet and careful; Tarja is curiously absent, but Clive brightens when he spots the (somewhat) familiar outline of his brother perched on one of the well-made cots. ]
Joshua, [ he breathes, relieved. ] I'm back.
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While he certainly wouldn't mind having his own space, Joshua has been quietly hoping that having a somewhat clean bill of health also means that he can begin accompanying Clive. The thought of his brother putting himself in danger, again and again... of course it's who he is, of course Joshua admires him for it. But he wants to be there, he wants to do what he can to help. Clive should not have to bear these burdens alone.
He smiles at the sight of Clive, an unconscious and immediate reaction.]
Welcome back, brother. [And he sets the book aside and stands, taking a few steps toward Clive to embrace him in greeting. The dust of the road means nothing to him, and neither does the idea that a grown man should be less open with gestures of affection. Hasn't he been deprived of this long enough? He'll hug his brother when and where he wishes.] You're well, I hope?
[Joshua steps back, as if to look him over and ensure that's the case. He doesn't have quite the sharp eye of Tarja, but someone needs to be certain Clive is looked after.]
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I've some bruises― mostly to my ego. [ a joke. he doesn't have an ego to speak of. ] But I'm whole.
[ a long, coeurl-whisker-shaped discoloration under his shirt, and general weariness that comes from travel and fighting. the sort of physical toll that he's been enduring since he was old enough to swing a sword.
a hand lifts from the crest of Joshua's shoulder, and rests on soft blond hair. ] Have the others been treating you well?
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Very well. Lady Tarja is terrifying, but also terrifyingly competent. And everyone else - they've been quite kind. [He's silent for a moment.] It's... odd, being somewhere I don't need to lie about who I am.
[Here, everyone knows he's Clive's brother, and it's no secret that he's the Phoenix as well. Joshua has kept both of those secrets from everyone except the Undying for years now. He's still learning what it means to be known as who he is - though really, so far all it's meant is that he can occasionally wheedle stories about Clive from the residents here.]
You've built an incredible place. Now that you're back, I'll expect a tour before long.
[Teasing, just a bit, as he studies Clive's face to be sure he really is well.]
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the monster inside Clive flares in recognition at the presence of the Phoenix. one hand― the one not currently occupied ruffling Joshua's hair― instinctively moves to his heart, almost as if to cage the thing threatening to spill out of his chest.
a breath, in and out. ]
...Long overdue, I think. [ regarding the tour. his voice scrapes a bit; calm, he tells Ifrit in the safety of his head. ] I'm sorry, Joshua. It wasn't my intention to keep you hidden away.
[ though it seems like Joshua's already made friends with Harpocrates, with the stacks he's been accruing next to his bed. a quick smile, and Clive finally lets his brother go, properly. ]
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I needed the rest.
[Much as he might hate to admit it, he knows when he’s taxed himself too far. Rather than hidden, he felt - protected in a way he hasn’t felt in some time. Restless as he might get, it hasn’t been unpleasant at all.]
You’re not headed back out again soon, are you? You look like you might be able to use some rest as well.
[He takes Clive’s arm, tugging gently but insistently, pulling him down so they can both sit on the edge of the bed. Close, but not too close. If he feels a bit warm when Clive is near, that can easily be blamed on the Phoenix. Though truly, what’s the difference between that and his own heart?
But Clive does look tired, and if he won’t look after himself properly, that means Joshua gets to do it, with all the power of an annoying younger brother.]
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I remember when you would try to convince Lord Murdoch that I needed more rest. [ he recounts softly, moving to unfasten his gauntlets and cape to relieve himself of a bit of weight. ] He obliged you when asked, but he bade me circle the courtyard twice as fast the next day.
[ not to blame Joshua for trying― it's a fond memory. they were, the both of them, so dedicated to seeing to it that Clive would always be ready if anything were to befall Rosaria. it had given Clive so much purpose, so much pride.
a smile, as he lowers one clunky armor piece onto clean sheets. ]
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Joshua reaches out, ready to remove some of that armor, to take it from Clive’s hands and set it aside. Just a little weight off his shoulders.]
I always feared he was just humoring me. I thought since you were my Shield, shouldn’t I be able to decide how hard you worked?
[Joshua smiles to himself, thinking of it. He loved Clive for working so hard, but even then feared that he might hurt himself, and Joshua never wanted to be the cause of that. Older now, Joshua knows that it wasn’t only about him - that Clive wanted a place in their family, a role that he belonged in. He always had a steadfast heart. He deserved so much better than he got.]
Perhaps I’ll have more influence this time, if I’m very lucky.
[Tarja might be annoyed about the sheets later, but Joshua hardly notices now, setting another dusty piece of armor down.]
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'Perhaps'. [ a hum, as he elbows Joshua. playful, light. ] If there are less recipes that need making, and less moody Blacksmiths that need cheering up.
[ with apologies to Blackthorne, a lovely man who deserves a pick-me-up every now and then. Clive is all too happy to oblige the many, many pedestrian requests that the people of the Hideaway demand of him; compared to the unrelenting grind of war and disaster, finding flowers to use for esoteric purposes is a welcome change of pace.
which is a somewhat clunky segue into the bighorn in the room: ] ―But you mentioned wanting to come along on some of these unglamorous outings.
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[He's been thinking about it since then. With little else to do when he's supposed to be resting, Joshua's had plenty of time to think. To prepare his arguments, even, though he knows it probably won't be as straightforward as he would like. Still, he'll try.]
I know Torgal is the best companion anyone could ask for, but he shouldn't be the only one with you. I'm capable enough with a sword, and my health is much improved. There seems to be an endless list of tasks for you to take care of - let me come along. I'm certain I can help.
[He leaves out an argument that he thought of, but decided would likely end up counting against him: he can use the power of the Phoenix should Clive ever be injured. Joshua remembers well how it was thought of as a waste for him to use the eikon's powers to heal injuries, since it does come at a cost to him - but he doesn't care. He never has. He'll gladly call on the Phoenix to protect Clive from harm.]
I've done quite a bit of traveling, too. I may have contacts that can assist us.
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it would be a disservice to treat Joshua like the child he isn't. like some frail thing that would break at the first sign of hardship. Clive has been Joshua's hardship― dig a little deeper into the horrors of his past, and he can still feel Joshua breaking under Ifrit's hands.
a breath, in and out. ] Joshua. I don't doubt that you can help. [ he doesn't. it's sincerely meant, lest Joshua ever undeservedly think himself incapable. ] It's only that―
[ his brows furrow, and blue eyes shutter closed for a fraction of a second. ]
―You've already sacrificed so much of yourself for my sake. You've burned your candle at both ends for my safety, while I knew nothing of it.
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