[ Courage was no small part of it, he thinks. Like when he still had a brand on his face, terrified to see any part of Rosaria for fear that he'd buckle. A not-so-insignificant part of him feared that I love you might be its own sort of weight, a burden for Jill to carry as she spent days waiting for him to come back from uncertain, unclear situations.
A part of him is still afraid. But he thinks, now, that it's better to be afraid than to waste the time that they have. (Another terrifying thought: that he might not have too much of it left.) ]
That'd be a good start.
[ To the point of undressing. His breath hikes into a brief laugh. ]
...I can't help but feel that I might have planned this more properly. [ Flowers? Candles? More decorum? ]
[... even as she puts a hand on his shoulder so she can elegantly hop off him and stand up so she can finish stripping herself of her clothes. It took no time at all to become comfortable with him, she notes, glad. They're meant to be together.]
This feels like us, doesn't it?
[Flowers and candles are nice, but all she needs is him.]
[ "Like us" turns out not to be very artful, with Clive reaching to help Jill remove her clothes only to be too late to the party, and then fumbling to rid himself of his own trousers without accidentally kicking her in the process. He finds that he likes it, though, the feeling around in the dark for what they'd like, and not always sticking every landing.
Leather peels off, and gets set aside. With that done, he can finally turn his focus on Jill, who is fast becoming the only thing that exists in this world. All that lovely skin, on display for him. ]
It feels right. [ It always does. ] Now come here.
[ Pulling her in by the waist for a quick kiss. Something sings happily in his chest, and this time, it doesn't feel like Ifrit. Just his heart working overtime, as his palm smooths down Jill's now-bare thigh. She usually keeps herself so well-covered; seeing her outline in such clarity is still a thrill for him. ]
[She can undress herself faster than he can, though she doesn't complain about his hands on her. Not at all. Once free and beckoned, she lets herself fall into him, knowing those strong arms will catch her with ease.]
If it puts you at ease, I want you to know I couldn't be happier in this moment. I have you.
[They could be out in the wilderness and she would still be happy to be kissed by him, loved by him. And she kisses him again, playful and light.]
I love you. To be yours is a thing of my fondest dreams.
[ A stalwart confirmation. Jill will have him, always. His first and only love, who has seen him in every way that counts. She has been with him for the lowest moments of his life, guided him through the uncertainties of his own memories, stayed with him despite the horrific consequences of his actions. Nothing and no one will ever deserve Jill, but Clive knows that he'll fight with his dying breath for her.
He doesn't say that, though. Talk of death in bed will only sour the mood; he'd like for Jill not to worry about him, if he can manage. So he holds her, and kisses her, and rolls her onto her back where he hovers, his weight braced on one elbow and both of his knees.
His free hand roams down, over Jill's navel and against her lower stomach. ]
And I want to have you. I want us to be as one.
[ This final boundary, to be crossed. ] Close as we can ever be.
[Jill smiles up at him. The flush on her skin is anticipation and love and lust and joy--comfortable, always. She lets her hands roam over his shoulders and biceps, enjoying the feeling of his hard muscle under her palms.]
Please. I want all of you.
[His mouth and fingers have been wonderful, but she's craved more sonce they first went to bed together. Her hand slips between them to teasingly stop beneath his navel, fingertips light.]
I would think of you, too. I'd have dreams about you.
[Some sweet, and some absolutely lewd. She can't be held accountable when he's so handsome.]
[ The shameless, animal part of him whispers finally when Jill expresses that she'd like to have him, but he doesn't reprimand it this time around: he loves her, and he's certain in her reciprocation, and they should have the right to consummate it somehow. He's kept her waiting long enough, if her admission that she's dreamed about him is any indication.
His ears still turn a little red, though. Pleased that she thought about him in that way. He's only a man, after all. ]
I hope I was a perfect gentleman in your dreams.
[ Slightly shyly, but with a hint of playful curiosity. A silent question: how does Jill see him? A thought to mull over, as he slides his hand down from her navel and down between her thighs, teasing the idea of starting to pleasure her with his fingers while they talk. ]
You are always a perfect gentleman. Even when you're a tease.
[Jill parts her legs, always eager for his touch and attentions. But she can read him well enough after all these years, and she lifts a hand to brush his hair from his eyes. Does it fall right back into place? Yes. She'll trim it for him at some point.]
In my dreams you're perhaps a little less worried about being a gentleman. I know who you are.
[ He pets along her inner thighs, idly fantasizing about biting them when she rather accurately points out that he's capable of being far less careful if he's only willing to let himself. It makes him laugh, and his answer to it is a low: ]
Guilty as charged.
[ She's always known him, and that's a relief. Being seen is terrifying, but it's also the most gratifying feeling he'll ever know.
Other than flipping Jill over and having her on her back, that is. Because that's what he does, for ease of access to the heat of her between her legs. ]
I've fantasized about testing your limits, once or twice.
[Jill is happy to be beneath him, beside him, or wherever he may want her. The trust between them has been solidified over the years into something unbreakable--even if they weren't lovers, she would be his loyal friend, forever by his side.
Thankfully, they are lovers, and Jill's eyes darken with intrigue before she leans up to steal a kiss.]
[ The kiss is brief, but sweet. Clive smiles into it, but breaks the contact so he can press something else to her lips: his fingers, index and middle, for her to take into her mouth and wet before he teases her. ]
Fucking you to your peak, [ he murmurs. ] Then fucking you through it.
[ Unrelenting, until her perfect composure breaks. He thinks she'd make a beautiful mess, puddled under him with all that hair pooling around her like a veil. He'd relish putting her back together, cleaning her with lips and tongue, making her come again shortly after with his mouth.
The thought of it makes his cock twitch; he's crazy about her. ] You'd come as many times as you could bear to.
[Without breaking eye contact, he takes his fingers between her lips, sucking, before lavishing them with her tongue. If he's going to talk about fucking her, she'll remind him how much she enjoys blowing him. They leave her mouth with a quiet pop, wet.]
I want to know what it feels like to have you buried to the hilt inside me. You're so big. [She's not fluffing his ego at all with that. It's a fact.] I've always wondered how deep you'll be able to go...
[It only got worse once she saw his cock with her own eyes.]
[ The sight of her with his fingers in his mouth is electric. It wears away at whatever composure Clive has left, and leaves him aching for more of anything that Jill can give him― or any part of her that she's willing to let him have.
So he doesn't hesitate. Wet fingers steal back between parted thighs, and he slides them against her waiting cunt, tracing over her with slow, indulgent slicks. Just the feel of her is enough to make him see stars, but it's her heat that really gets him going once he pushes those fingers inwards, draws a soft, choked sound out of him from the back of his throat. ]
As deep as you'd let me. ―Founder, you're so tight.
[His touch makes her sigh, content and comfortable. One hand rests at the back of his neck while the other cards through his hair, the look on her face nothing short of adoring. Her hips lift when he presses into her, accommodating, wanting.]
How do I ever let you leave my side?
[Duty before love, is how. But here she can be greedy and selfish and not feel bad for it.]
[ He returns the look, reciprocally lovestruck. As much as he knows why he didn't have it in himself to say I love you before, he thinks he might have said it sooner, and have spared them both the waiting.
But he won't overthink it. Not today. And, in turn, he doesn't want Jill to think of him leaving, so: ]
Something you needn't worry about. [ Fingers pressed deep in her, he circles her clit with a thumb in teasing warning: concentrate. ] Be with me now, Jill. Right here.
[ A wolfish half-smile, and he kisses the corner of her mouth. ]
[She's here. That smile really does do as much for her as his touch, though the latter is what makes her shudder with pleasure. Really, she could look at him all day and never grow bored.]
I've never liked it when other women notice you. [Most towns and cities, even when he was branded, had heads turning to look at him, gazes lingering a moment too long.] But now, I can slip into your arms and kiss you. Claim my territory before hungry eyes.
[ Genuinely: ] Was I noticed? [ He'd gotten so numb to being gawked at that it truly no longer registers. A force of habit, from thirteen years of being Less Than; you learn to phase out curious looks to protect yourself from unkind attention.
It's not even a conscious defense mechanism, at this point. So he doesn't think on it, and laughs under his breath. ]
It never registered. I was too busy looking at you, I think. [ Humming, as he makes more friction with his fingers, testing if Jill will be fine with the slow, steady rhythm he starts to build on. ] But, by all means. Stake your claim― have me as you will, and I'll happily flaunt it.
[Bless him. Jill laughs along with him, fingers trailing over his cheek.]
Everyone notices you. You're often the tallest man in the room, if not the one with the broadest of shoulders.
[And the sluttiest of waists.]
It feels good to have the freedom to love you openly, Clive.
[Fuck him openly? Not so much. One day, she tells herself, she'll either build solid walls here or they'll live in a place that offers a little more privacy. It doesn't stop her from moaning quietly, giving a roll of her hips to meet his fingers.]
[ She moans for him, and the sound is like starlight, shimmering gently over his skin. More intoxicating than aetherflood, and gentler, besides. He tries to find the spot that will make her shake again, exploring with more purpose as he watches for her reaction with open fondness. ]
I could say the same about you. You could have anyone you wanted, and yet you want me.
[ His fingers crook inside of her, and spread just a sliver. ]
...Do you recall when we had to pose as lady and Branded? [ Okay, maybe it's a bit mean to be asking her questions when he's two-fingers deep in her, but still. ] I didn't relish being your servant, but there was a thrill in being yours.
[Anyone she wanted? Jill huffs, amused by the thought, stroking his cheek adoringly.]
I've only ever wanted you, Clive. And how fortunate I've been...
[The spread of his fingers, the slight stretch, makes her press her teeth into her bottom lip as she hums, approving. She's wet and getting wetter, though oftentimes a kiss is merely all it takes. He has no idea of the true power he has over her.]
I always--hated that. That one mark made the world see you as less than the rest, when you're the best there is. I much prefer this. My lover and my prince.
[The life of the duchy is far, far behind them in the sense of titles, but a girl can still use it as an endearment.]
[ She's taking him so well, and the thought of being inside of her soon makes blood rush straight to his cock. Still, he manages not to become completely incoherent, and tests to see if she's ready to take a third digit next to the two already-slick fingers working her.
Prince makes him lower his gaze for a moment－ he hasn't been one in ages, not even as a child－ but in Jill's voice, it sounds affectionate instead of taunting. ]
It doesn't matter, how the rest see me. As long as you do.
[ He has reclaimed himself, and put himself in Jill's hands. That's all that will ever matter to him. ]
My love, and my lady. [ He turns his face towards her palm, and kisses along her lifeline. ] How ready do you feel for me?
[Three fingers is more than she's used to, but he's worked her so well that her body accommodates him with little protest. Jill breathes out with a smile, enjoying the pressure, the tension. She can feel her heart beat speed up. Three fingers, then him. She's far more excited than she is intimidated.]
Like I might pull your hair out if you keep me waiting a moment more.
[A playful tease--he's a gentleman, making sure nothing will hurt. Her protector in all things, even from himself.]
[ Please, Jill, don't make him laugh when he's trying to be sexy (?). He has to stop his hand from doing something involuntary and painful where his fingers are hilted inside of her, and he raises a brow in mock-chiding. ]
You'd love me less if I were bald, [ he says, to the tune of "admit it, you would". Equally as playful, even as he takes care to make Jill ride out the last of his prep, because the last thing he wants is for any part of this ordeal to be uncomfortable for her. This is, ostensibly, his real first time being in bed with someone he's proclaimed his love to, and he won't ruin it due to impatience. ]
[Oh, but she loves his laughter. She's not sure if it's typical to laugh in bed as much as they do, whether it now be fucking or simply touching and talking, but she does know it feels good.]
Clive.
[An attempt to sound stern is lost because laughing jostles her just enough to create friction, and she moans. Or groans.]
Certainly, we could find you a wig...
[Lord Elwin didn't live long enough to be able to tell if he would bald at any point. Hmm.]
[ Karma would have made Elwin go bald............ which is obviously not a thing that Clive thinks, because he's still of the opinion that his father was great (someone help Clive's sense of self-respect, tbh). Clive is also not thinking about Elwin because he's currently very busy trying to make Jill feel good, which is kind of a crapshoot at this point.
The upside is that no one makes him smile as much as Jill does. He takes the time to lean over and kiss her stomach, grinning against her skin. ]
Alright, alright, you've convinced me.
[ Fingers pull out, and travel down to his eager cock. He strokes himself once in anticipation, breathing hotly against Jill's navel. ] No more waiting.
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A part of him is still afraid. But he thinks, now, that it's better to be afraid than to waste the time that they have. (Another terrifying thought: that he might not have too much of it left.) ]
That'd be a good start.
[ To the point of undressing. His breath hikes into a brief laugh. ]
...I can't help but feel that I might have planned this more properly. [ Flowers? Candles? More decorum? ]
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[... even as she puts a hand on his shoulder so she can elegantly hop off him and stand up so she can finish stripping herself of her clothes. It took no time at all to become comfortable with him, she notes, glad. They're meant to be together.]
This feels like us, doesn't it?
[Flowers and candles are nice, but all she needs is him.]
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Leather peels off, and gets set aside. With that done, he can finally turn his focus on Jill, who is fast becoming the only thing that exists in this world. All that lovely skin, on display for him. ]
It feels right. [ It always does. ] Now come here.
[ Pulling her in by the waist for a quick kiss. Something sings happily in his chest, and this time, it doesn't feel like Ifrit. Just his heart working overtime, as his palm smooths down Jill's now-bare thigh. She usually keeps herself so well-covered; seeing her outline in such clarity is still a thrill for him. ]
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If it puts you at ease, I want you to know I couldn't be happier in this moment. I have you.
[They could be out in the wilderness and she would still be happy to be kissed by him, loved by him. And she kisses him again, playful and light.]
I love you. To be yours is a thing of my fondest dreams.
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[ A stalwart confirmation. Jill will have him, always. His first and only love, who has seen him in every way that counts. She has been with him for the lowest moments of his life, guided him through the uncertainties of his own memories, stayed with him despite the horrific consequences of his actions. Nothing and no one will ever deserve Jill, but Clive knows that he'll fight with his dying breath for her.
He doesn't say that, though. Talk of death in bed will only sour the mood; he'd like for Jill not to worry about him, if he can manage. So he holds her, and kisses her, and rolls her onto her back where he hovers, his weight braced on one elbow and both of his knees.
His free hand roams down, over Jill's navel and against her lower stomach. ]
And I want to have you. I want us to be as one.
[ This final boundary, to be crossed. ] Close as we can ever be.
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Please. I want all of you.
[His mouth and fingers have been wonderful, but she's craved more sonce they first went to bed together. Her hand slips between them to teasingly stop beneath his navel, fingertips light.]
I would think of you, too. I'd have dreams about you.
[Some sweet, and some absolutely lewd. She can't be held accountable when he's so handsome.]
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His ears still turn a little red, though. Pleased that she thought about him in that way. He's only a man, after all. ]
I hope I was a perfect gentleman in your dreams.
[ Slightly shyly, but with a hint of playful curiosity. A silent question: how does Jill see him? A thought to mull over, as he slides his hand down from her navel and down between her thighs, teasing the idea of starting to pleasure her with his fingers while they talk. ]
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[Jill parts her legs, always eager for his touch and attentions. But she can read him well enough after all these years, and she lifts a hand to brush his hair from his eyes. Does it fall right back into place? Yes. She'll trim it for him at some point.]
In my dreams you're perhaps a little less worried about being a gentleman. I know who you are.
[And she's not made of glass.]
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Guilty as charged.
[ She's always known him, and that's a relief. Being seen is terrifying, but it's also the most gratifying feeling he'll ever know.
Other than flipping Jill over and having her on her back, that is. Because that's what he does, for ease of access to the heat of her between her legs. ]
I've fantasized about testing your limits, once or twice.
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Thankfully, they are lovers, and Jill's eyes darken with intrigue before she leans up to steal a kiss.]
What does that look like?
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Fucking you to your peak, [ he murmurs. ] Then fucking you through it.
[ Unrelenting, until her perfect composure breaks. He thinks she'd make a beautiful mess, puddled under him with all that hair pooling around her like a veil. He'd relish putting her back together, cleaning her with lips and tongue, making her come again shortly after with his mouth.
The thought of it makes his cock twitch; he's crazy about her. ] You'd come as many times as you could bear to.
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[Without breaking eye contact, he takes his fingers between her lips, sucking, before lavishing them with her tongue. If he's going to talk about fucking her, she'll remind him how much she enjoys blowing him. They leave her mouth with a quiet pop, wet.]
I want to know what it feels like to have you buried to the hilt inside me. You're so big. [She's not fluffing his ego at all with that. It's a fact.] I've always wondered how deep you'll be able to go...
[It only got worse once she saw his cock with her own eyes.]
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So he doesn't hesitate. Wet fingers steal back between parted thighs, and he slides them against her waiting cunt, tracing over her with slow, indulgent slicks. Just the feel of her is enough to make him see stars, but it's her heat that really gets him going once he pushes those fingers inwards, draws a soft, choked sound out of him from the back of his throat. ]
As deep as you'd let me. ―Founder, you're so tight.
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How do I ever let you leave my side?
[Duty before love, is how. But here she can be greedy and selfish and not feel bad for it.]
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But he won't overthink it. Not today. And, in turn, he doesn't want Jill to think of him leaving, so: ]
Something you needn't worry about. [ Fingers pressed deep in her, he circles her clit with a thumb in teasing warning: concentrate. ] Be with me now, Jill. Right here.
[ A wolfish half-smile, and he kisses the corner of her mouth. ]
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[She's here. That smile really does do as much for her as his touch, though the latter is what makes her shudder with pleasure. Really, she could look at him all day and never grow bored.]
I've never liked it when other women notice you. [Most towns and cities, even when he was branded, had heads turning to look at him, gazes lingering a moment too long.] But now, I can slip into your arms and kiss you. Claim my territory before hungry eyes.
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It's not even a conscious defense mechanism, at this point. So he doesn't think on it, and laughs under his breath. ]
It never registered. I was too busy looking at you, I think. [ Humming, as he makes more friction with his fingers, testing if Jill will be fine with the slow, steady rhythm he starts to build on. ] But, by all means. Stake your claim― have me as you will, and I'll happily flaunt it.
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Everyone notices you. You're often the tallest man in the room, if not the one with the broadest of shoulders.
[And the sluttiest of waists.]
It feels good to have the freedom to love you openly, Clive.
[Fuck him openly? Not so much. One day, she tells herself, she'll either build solid walls here or they'll live in a place that offers a little more privacy. It doesn't stop her from moaning quietly, giving a roll of her hips to meet his fingers.]
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I could say the same about you. You could have anyone you wanted, and yet you want me.
[ His fingers crook inside of her, and spread just a sliver. ]
...Do you recall when we had to pose as lady and Branded? [ Okay, maybe it's a bit mean to be asking her questions when he's two-fingers deep in her, but still. ] I didn't relish being your servant, but there was a thrill in being yours.
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I've only ever wanted you, Clive. And how fortunate I've been...
[The spread of his fingers, the slight stretch, makes her press her teeth into her bottom lip as she hums, approving. She's wet and getting wetter, though oftentimes a kiss is merely all it takes. He has no idea of the true power he has over her.]
I always--hated that. That one mark made the world see you as less than the rest, when you're the best there is. I much prefer this. My lover and my prince.
[The life of the duchy is far, far behind them in the sense of titles, but a girl can still use it as an endearment.]
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Prince makes him lower his gaze for a moment－ he hasn't been one in ages, not even as a child－ but in Jill's voice, it sounds affectionate instead of taunting. ]
It doesn't matter, how the rest see me. As long as you do.
[ He has reclaimed himself, and put himself in Jill's hands. That's all that will ever matter to him. ]
My love, and my lady. [ He turns his face towards her palm, and kisses along her lifeline. ] How ready do you feel for me?
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Like I might pull your hair out if you keep me waiting a moment more.
[A playful tease--he's a gentleman, making sure nothing will hurt. Her protector in all things, even from himself.]
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You'd love me less if I were bald, [ he says, to the tune of "admit it, you would". Equally as playful, even as he takes care to make Jill ride out the last of his prep, because the last thing he wants is for any part of this ordeal to be uncomfortable for her. This is, ostensibly, his real first time being in bed with someone he's proclaimed his love to, and he won't ruin it due to impatience. ]
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Clive.
[An attempt to sound stern is lost because laughing jostles her just enough to create friction, and she moans. Or groans.]
Certainly, we could find you a wig...
[Lord Elwin didn't live long enough to be able to tell if he would bald at any point. Hmm.]
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The upside is that no one makes him smile as much as Jill does. He takes the time to lean over and kiss her stomach, grinning against her skin. ]
Alright, alright, you've convinced me.
[ Fingers pull out, and travel down to his eager cock. He strokes himself once in anticipation, breathing hotly against Jill's navel. ] No more waiting.
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apologies for the slowness...! finally back from work-related traveling 🙏
welcome back!!! did you see the logos video the 16 team dropped yesterday 👀👀👀
I DID and i'm begging at SE's altar for content... clive journals about jill... ben starr please
if he doesn't go on about his wifey it's on sight, ben starr
i refuse to believe that clive's journals aren't 95% about wanting to kiss jill
this is canon tbh
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dear diary: we did it 💖
dear diary: we fucked and i cried about it 💖
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