So says the most beautiful woman in all of Valisthea.
[ To the tune of "have you looked in a mirror lately?" Sometimes he wonders how he could even have managed to turn a sword against Jill when he was still a Branded slave under Sanbreque's control― gods, he'd been so numb and out of his mind back then. How he could have managed not to see her for who she was is unthinkable now.
He reaches up, palm pressed to the warmth of her flush. It's rare to see her like this, given her usual poise and grace. ]
Will you also show yourself to me? Or am I meant to heel for a little while longer?
[The only reason her hands leave his chest is so that she can hold his hand steady while she turns her face to kiss his palm. Once, Anabella used beauty to demean her. A savage, but likely to grow up into something some lesser noble would wish to wed. A pawn, as always. A pretty thing to be kept and used.
Clive's always seen her, before all else.
But it's still nice to know he likes what he sees.]
You're not a dog. [A good boy, as cute as Torgal, but she's not his master. He can heel if he so pleases.] And I'm glad for it. You have two hands, don't you?
[She nips at his palm before letting go and shucking off her vest for him. It's a little more complicated than the shirt beneath.]
[ Not a dog, but her good boy. It makes him smile a bit to think of it, and he waits until Jill is finished with her vest to undo the minimal laces of her shirt. It gets pulled off, slowly, leaving her in her underthings. ]
More than just two hands.
[ A murmur, as he leans forward to kiss her navel, and then nose up between her breasts. Soft here, too; every bit of her feels good to touch. ]
I used to think about you, you know. When I had needs.
[ Him, his stuttering and shy imagination, and his right hand. ]
[Much more than just two hands. His mouth has been a pleasant discovery, be it on her own or elsewhere, and she shivers when he rubs against her skin. It takes everything in her power not to shove him back down onto the bed and have her way with him. Manners, Jill. Manners.
Not that she imagines he'd mind. She smiles and runs the fingers of both hands through his dark hair, looking him over fondly.]
Is that so? Will you tell me in more detail, Clive?
[ He glances up from where he has his mouth on Jill's collarbone, kissing the rise of it with quiet reverence, when he's asked to continue. For a moment, he looks slightly uncertain― is it appropriate to tell the object of his affections how, well, he'd objectified her in the past?― but he sees the look on Jill's face, the open lack of judgment, and he tries to find the words. ]
I... [ His face feels a bit hotter, suddenly. ] ...I would remember how soft you'd feel whenever you leaned on me, or allowed me to hold you.
[ Silly, boyish things. Like being aroused by an ankle showing. ]
I could only get my pleasure by imagining you. [ A little hitch in his voice, as he thinks back to past instances of desperate, graceless masturbation. ]
[Clive is the only man that could make this sound so sweet. Jill's flattered, really. He has no idea how desirable he himself is. He's so respectful and careful with her--she only feels her affection grow.]
And now you can do a lot more than hold me. I'm yours.
[She presses a kiss to the bridge of his nose, playful and fond.]
My needs used to be few and far between. [ Hard to get a boner about anything with all the tragedies they have to put up with on the regular. Rubbing one out after a particularly potent adrenaline rush was usually the most of it.
That said: ] Now, though―
[ He cups the back of Jill's neck, keeping her close to him. ] ―I feel a need for you, constantly. Like you've broken something in me that was keeping it all at bay.
[ Local repressed man is in love with the woman of his dreams. ]
[Lucky for him, the woman of his dreams is absolutely enraptured with him. Leaning in to press their foreheads together, she lets her eyes close, happy to be the cause of something breaking. There are many things in Clive that need to heal, but more than a few things that need to break, first.]
Then it's good that we'll be sharing these quarters. All you need do is reach for me. [Theoretically, she should be right here.] You've ensured I don't keep up my good behavior.
[Not once!!! Has she reaches for his morning wood despite being Very Aware of it. That will likely change.]
[ She really is hell-bent on spoiling him. Crazy. He still can't imagine being audacious enough to roll her over and reach for her whenever he feels a little frisky (they still need to, like, work), but the thought of being permitted is a thrill of its own.
And, well. Since she mentioned it: ]
Ah. [ His brows hike. ] ...Now I'd like to know what you're like when you misbehave.
[ Jill???? Misbehaving???? She has ever been the picture of poise and grace, elegant even when running a sword through a man she swore vengeance on. Clive tries to imagine it, and it makes him grin despite himself. ]
Why do you look so amused? Do you think I'm stretching the truth?
[She teases, as if he'd ever think her capable of a lie. She isn't. Not with him. Just for that (for what?), she pinches his cheeks, fingers at either side of his handsome face. Is that misbehaving or being a brat? Hard to say.]
[ A laugh, as he feels her delicate fingers stretching his face sideways. He must look a besotted fool, but he doesn't care. ]
―It makes me happy, to see you so unreserved. [ Is that a rude thing to say? He settles his hands on Jill's thighs, gripping lightly where she's straddled over him. ] Trust me when I say that I'd like to see you on your worst behavior.
[ That probably says far too much about him. Again, he doesn't care. ]
[He looks adorable. That boyish charm is on in full effect when he laughs, whether he realizes it or not.]
I'll say it likely involves me not keeping my hands to myself. You've no idea how many times I must remind myself to remain... polite. Especially when you've only just opened your eyes.
[Pouncing on him in public is out of the question, but she finds him nearly irresistible when there's still sleep in his eyes.]
[ Oh. Founder help him, he tries not to look as interested in that notion as he feels; it's obvious, though, by the way his temperature hikes under Jill's weight, as if just the thought of it made something fundamental inside of him light up. ]
In the early mornings? Jill.
[ Teasing, but also― again, interested. He dips back down again, and kisses a languid, affectionate line up from her navel and sideways towards her chest, over her heartbeat. ]
And yet you don't sound like a man aiming to discourage me.
[She would hesitate to keep him from his duties. As much as she loves him and he loves her, she wouldn't want him to feel pulled in two directions at once. He's their leader, first and foremost. He's taken on Cid's responsibility to the people here.
Still. Maybe they can find a way.
Jill wraps her arms around him and presses a kiss to his head.]
[ He doesn't sound discouraging, because he isn't. Tease all he might about Jill's ability to ruin him (which, admittedly, she does), he also trusts himself enough to know that they'll both do their duties if they're ever asked to. This has been the shape of them for so long, and it's as Jill said: he also doesn't see things changing much, except for the ways in which they reframe the things they already have.
So. Now they can enjoy each other more freely, he thinks. There is always the lingering worry and promise of the other shoe dropping, in terms of the world threatening to tear their equilibrium apart, but even so―
―Clive can't imagine his days without Jill. ]
Would you discourage something you've been waiting for for years?
I think we've both reached the limits of our collective patience.
[ His fingers ghost over Jill's bare back, then the delicate line of her waist. It might tickle a bit－ the touch is featherlight－ but it telegraphs intent neverthelelss. That he'd like their last layers off, and that he'd like it if they could be as close as they can manage.
He lifts his head, dislodging her gently from where she'd nestled in his unruly hair, then kisses the underside of Jill's chin. ]
I would give you everything I didn't have the courage to extend to you before.
It's nothing to do with courage. You wanted to wait until the time was right.
[She has to say it, because it's true. Proper might have meant waiting for marriage or being ready to settle, but their futures are more uncertain than most. A confession of what she's felt for so long, in a place so important to him, is more than enough.]
And now I'd very much like to make love with the man I love more than anything else on this earth.
[But.]
... I suppose we both need to finish undressing for that to happen, don't we?
[Jill laughs, pressing a kiss to wherever she can reach. She hates pulling away from his touch, his warmth, even for a moment. Even for a good cause.]
[ Courage was no small part of it, he thinks. Like when he still had a brand on his face, terrified to see any part of Rosaria for fear that he'd buckle. A not-so-insignificant part of him feared that I love you might be its own sort of weight, a burden for Jill to carry as she spent days waiting for him to come back from uncertain, unclear situations.
A part of him is still afraid. But he thinks, now, that it's better to be afraid than to waste the time that they have. (Another terrifying thought: that he might not have too much of it left.) ]
That'd be a good start.
[ To the point of undressing. His breath hikes into a brief laugh. ]
...I can't help but feel that I might have planned this more properly. [ Flowers? Candles? More decorum? ]
[... even as she puts a hand on his shoulder so she can elegantly hop off him and stand up so she can finish stripping herself of her clothes. It took no time at all to become comfortable with him, she notes, glad. They're meant to be together.]
This feels like us, doesn't it?
[Flowers and candles are nice, but all she needs is him.]
[ "Like us" turns out not to be very artful, with Clive reaching to help Jill remove her clothes only to be too late to the party, and then fumbling to rid himself of his own trousers without accidentally kicking her in the process. He finds that he likes it, though, the feeling around in the dark for what they'd like, and not always sticking every landing.
Leather peels off, and gets set aside. With that done, he can finally turn his focus on Jill, who is fast becoming the only thing that exists in this world. All that lovely skin, on display for him. ]
It feels right. [ It always does. ] Now come here.
[ Pulling her in by the waist for a quick kiss. Something sings happily in his chest, and this time, it doesn't feel like Ifrit. Just his heart working overtime, as his palm smooths down Jill's now-bare thigh. She usually keeps herself so well-covered; seeing her outline in such clarity is still a thrill for him. ]
[She can undress herself faster than he can, though she doesn't complain about his hands on her. Not at all. Once free and beckoned, she lets herself fall into him, knowing those strong arms will catch her with ease.]
If it puts you at ease, I want you to know I couldn't be happier in this moment. I have you.
[They could be out in the wilderness and she would still be happy to be kissed by him, loved by him. And she kisses him again, playful and light.]
I love you. To be yours is a thing of my fondest dreams.
[ A stalwart confirmation. Jill will have him, always. His first and only love, who has seen him in every way that counts. She has been with him for the lowest moments of his life, guided him through the uncertainties of his own memories, stayed with him despite the horrific consequences of his actions. Nothing and no one will ever deserve Jill, but Clive knows that he'll fight with his dying breath for her.
He doesn't say that, though. Talk of death in bed will only sour the mood; he'd like for Jill not to worry about him, if he can manage. So he holds her, and kisses her, and rolls her onto her back where he hovers, his weight braced on one elbow and both of his knees.
His free hand roams down, over Jill's navel and against her lower stomach. ]
And I want to have you. I want us to be as one.
[ This final boundary, to be crossed. ] Close as we can ever be.
[Jill smiles up at him. The flush on her skin is anticipation and love and lust and joy--comfortable, always. She lets her hands roam over his shoulders and biceps, enjoying the feeling of his hard muscle under her palms.]
Please. I want all of you.
[His mouth and fingers have been wonderful, but she's craved more sonce they first went to bed together. Her hand slips between them to teasingly stop beneath his navel, fingertips light.]
I would think of you, too. I'd have dreams about you.
[Some sweet, and some absolutely lewd. She can't be held accountable when he's so handsome.]
[ The shameless, animal part of him whispers finally when Jill expresses that she'd like to have him, but he doesn't reprimand it this time around: he loves her, and he's certain in her reciprocation, and they should have the right to consummate it somehow. He's kept her waiting long enough, if her admission that she's dreamed about him is any indication.
His ears still turn a little red, though. Pleased that she thought about him in that way. He's only a man, after all. ]
I hope I was a perfect gentleman in your dreams.
[ Slightly shyly, but with a hint of playful curiosity. A silent question: how does Jill see him? A thought to mull over, as he slides his hand down from her navel and down between her thighs, teasing the idea of starting to pleasure her with his fingers while they talk. ]
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[ To the tune of "have you looked in a mirror lately?" Sometimes he wonders how he could even have managed to turn a sword against Jill when he was still a Branded slave under Sanbreque's control― gods, he'd been so numb and out of his mind back then. How he could have managed not to see her for who she was is unthinkable now.
He reaches up, palm pressed to the warmth of her flush. It's rare to see her like this, given her usual poise and grace. ]
Will you also show yourself to me? Or am I meant to heel for a little while longer?
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Clive's always seen her, before all else.
But it's still nice to know he likes what he sees.]
You're not a dog. [A good boy, as cute as Torgal, but she's not his master. He can heel if he so pleases.] And I'm glad for it. You have two hands, don't you?
[She nips at his palm before letting go and shucking off her vest for him. It's a little more complicated than the shirt beneath.]
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More than just two hands.
[ A murmur, as he leans forward to kiss her navel, and then nose up between her breasts. Soft here, too; every bit of her feels good to touch. ]
I used to think about you, you know. When I had needs.
[ Him, his stuttering and shy imagination, and his right hand. ]
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Not that she imagines he'd mind. She smiles and runs the fingers of both hands through his dark hair, looking him over fondly.]
Is that so? Will you tell me in more detail, Clive?
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I... [ His face feels a bit hotter, suddenly. ] ...I would remember how soft you'd feel whenever you leaned on me, or allowed me to hold you.
[ Silly, boyish things. Like being aroused by an ankle showing. ]
I could only get my pleasure by imagining you. [ A little hitch in his voice, as he thinks back to past instances of desperate, graceless masturbation. ]
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And now you can do a lot more than hold me. I'm yours.
[She presses a kiss to the bridge of his nose, playful and fond.]
I hope you'll come to me when you feel a need.
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My needs used to be few and far between. [ Hard to get a boner about anything with all the tragedies they have to put up with on the regular. Rubbing one out after a particularly potent adrenaline rush was usually the most of it.
That said: ] Now, though―
[ He cups the back of Jill's neck, keeping her close to him. ] ―I feel a need for you, constantly. Like you've broken something in me that was keeping it all at bay.
[ Local repressed man is in love with the woman of his dreams. ]
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Then it's good that we'll be sharing these quarters. All you need do is reach for me. [Theoretically, she should be right here.] You've ensured I don't keep up my good behavior.
[Not once!!! Has she reaches for his morning wood despite being Very Aware of it. That will likely change.]
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And, well. Since she mentioned it: ]
Ah. [ His brows hike. ] ...Now I'd like to know what you're like when you misbehave.
[ Jill???? Misbehaving???? She has ever been the picture of poise and grace, elegant even when running a sword through a man she swore vengeance on. Clive tries to imagine it, and it makes him grin despite himself. ]
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Why do you look so amused? Do you think I'm stretching the truth?
[She teases, as if he'd ever think her capable of a lie. She isn't. Not with him. Just for that (for what?), she pinches his cheeks, fingers at either side of his handsome face. Is that misbehaving or being a brat? Hard to say.]
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[ A laugh, as he feels her delicate fingers stretching his face sideways. He must look a besotted fool, but he doesn't care. ]
―It makes me happy, to see you so unreserved. [ Is that a rude thing to say? He settles his hands on Jill's thighs, gripping lightly where she's straddled over him. ] Trust me when I say that I'd like to see you on your worst behavior.
[ That probably says far too much about him. Again, he doesn't care. ]
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I'll say it likely involves me not keeping my hands to myself. You've no idea how many times I must remind myself to remain... polite. Especially when you've only just opened your eyes.
[Pouncing on him in public is out of the question, but she finds him nearly irresistible when there's still sleep in his eyes.]
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In the early mornings? Jill.
[ Teasing, but also― again, interested. He dips back down again, and kisses a languid, affectionate line up from her navel and sideways towards her chest, over her heartbeat. ]
You'd ruin me for the rest of the day.
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[She would hesitate to keep him from his duties. As much as she loves him and he loves her, she wouldn't want him to feel pulled in two directions at once. He's their leader, first and foremost. He's taken on Cid's responsibility to the people here.
Still. Maybe they can find a way.
Jill wraps her arms around him and presses a kiss to his head.]
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So. Now they can enjoy each other more freely, he thinks. There is always the lingering worry and promise of the other shoe dropping, in terms of the world threatening to tear their equilibrium apart, but even so―
―Clive can't imagine his days without Jill. ]
Would you discourage something you've been waiting for for years?
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[She hums, nosing into his hair. To think this is her right, her pleasure, for the rest of their lives fills her with peace. She loves him.]
Which would make me the most patient woman, I suppose. But there is a limit to that, isn't there?
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[ His fingers ghost over Jill's bare back, then the delicate line of her waist. It might tickle a bit－ the touch is featherlight－ but it telegraphs intent neverthelelss. That he'd like their last layers off, and that he'd like it if they could be as close as they can manage.
He lifts his head, dislodging her gently from where she'd nestled in his unruly hair, then kisses the underside of Jill's chin. ]
I would give you everything I didn't have the courage to extend to you before.
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[She has to say it, because it's true. Proper might have meant waiting for marriage or being ready to settle, but their futures are more uncertain than most. A confession of what she's felt for so long, in a place so important to him, is more than enough.]
And now I'd very much like to make love with the man I love more than anything else on this earth.
[But.]
... I suppose we both need to finish undressing for that to happen, don't we?
[Jill laughs, pressing a kiss to wherever she can reach. She hates pulling away from his touch, his warmth, even for a moment. Even for a good cause.]
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A part of him is still afraid. But he thinks, now, that it's better to be afraid than to waste the time that they have. (Another terrifying thought: that he might not have too much of it left.) ]
That'd be a good start.
[ To the point of undressing. His breath hikes into a brief laugh. ]
...I can't help but feel that I might have planned this more properly. [ Flowers? Candles? More decorum? ]
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[... even as she puts a hand on his shoulder so she can elegantly hop off him and stand up so she can finish stripping herself of her clothes. It took no time at all to become comfortable with him, she notes, glad. They're meant to be together.]
This feels like us, doesn't it?
[Flowers and candles are nice, but all she needs is him.]
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Leather peels off, and gets set aside. With that done, he can finally turn his focus on Jill, who is fast becoming the only thing that exists in this world. All that lovely skin, on display for him. ]
It feels right. [ It always does. ] Now come here.
[ Pulling her in by the waist for a quick kiss. Something sings happily in his chest, and this time, it doesn't feel like Ifrit. Just his heart working overtime, as his palm smooths down Jill's now-bare thigh. She usually keeps herself so well-covered; seeing her outline in such clarity is still a thrill for him. ]
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If it puts you at ease, I want you to know I couldn't be happier in this moment. I have you.
[They could be out in the wilderness and she would still be happy to be kissed by him, loved by him. And she kisses him again, playful and light.]
I love you. To be yours is a thing of my fondest dreams.
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[ A stalwart confirmation. Jill will have him, always. His first and only love, who has seen him in every way that counts. She has been with him for the lowest moments of his life, guided him through the uncertainties of his own memories, stayed with him despite the horrific consequences of his actions. Nothing and no one will ever deserve Jill, but Clive knows that he'll fight with his dying breath for her.
He doesn't say that, though. Talk of death in bed will only sour the mood; he'd like for Jill not to worry about him, if he can manage. So he holds her, and kisses her, and rolls her onto her back where he hovers, his weight braced on one elbow and both of his knees.
His free hand roams down, over Jill's navel and against her lower stomach. ]
And I want to have you. I want us to be as one.
[ This final boundary, to be crossed. ] Close as we can ever be.
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Please. I want all of you.
[His mouth and fingers have been wonderful, but she's craved more sonce they first went to bed together. Her hand slips between them to teasingly stop beneath his navel, fingertips light.]
I would think of you, too. I'd have dreams about you.
[Some sweet, and some absolutely lewd. She can't be held accountable when he's so handsome.]
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His ears still turn a little red, though. Pleased that she thought about him in that way. He's only a man, after all. ]
I hope I was a perfect gentleman in your dreams.
[ Slightly shyly, but with a hint of playful curiosity. A silent question: how does Jill see him? A thought to mull over, as he slides his hand down from her navel and down between her thighs, teasing the idea of starting to pleasure her with his fingers while they talk. ]
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apologies for the slowness...! finally back from work-related traveling 🙏
welcome back!!! did you see the logos video the 16 team dropped yesterday 👀👀👀
I DID and i'm begging at SE's altar for content... clive journals about jill... ben starr please
if he doesn't go on about his wifey it's on sight, ben starr
i refuse to believe that clive's journals aren't 95% about wanting to kiss jill
this is canon tbh
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dear diary: we did it 💖
dear diary: we fucked and i cried about it 💖
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