[ Grow old. Sometimes he can't imagine what that would even be like, with the state of their lives being what it is, but it sounds perfect when Jill says it. Like a foregone conclusion that they've always been walking towards, the cursed state of their bodies notwithstanding.
And really, all he can think about is how happy she makes him. Genuinely and thoroughly. The kind of joy he never thought he could have, not after Phoenix Gate.
So he rolls them both, with him on his jack and Jill on his front, one hand still slid up the back of her shirt, the other around her waist. ]
I love you too, Jill.
[ Slowly, with feeling. And then－
－a flurry of kisses, more playful this time around. Pressed to the underside of her chin, then to her jaw, her ear, her hair. ]
[Jill goes with a laugh, surprised, but trusting. Clive could manhandle her all he wants and she'd let him without hesitation because she knows he'd never do too much. He loves her, after all. As she loves him. There's no doubt in her mind about how strongly they care for one another.
The onslaught of kisses makes her giggle. She nearly squeals with joy between his lips and his beard against her face, and while it tickles, she only leans into his silly affections. It's a side of Clive she doesn't get to see too often--their lives don't allow it very much, but she hopes to see more and more of it.
What better way to encourage it than being silly herself. She manages to kiss the corner of his mouth, at some point, but then grabs his chin to try and keep him still.]
[ It's a light hold, easy enough to break out of, but Clive lets it keep him in place, as if Jill is using a pair of iron tongs. He stills under her, eyes soft and expectant, happy to heel. ]
Don't you always?
[ Have the advantage, he means. ] It's all I can do to find an opening.
[ A hum, knowing, and he traces his index slowly, deliberately, along Jill's perfect back. ]
[Good boy. He's rewarded for his obedience with a soft kiss, fingers trailing up his jawline. Intimacy with him has come as easy as breathing, and she's relaxed on top of him, breathing slow and even.]
Yet I still have you at my mercy. What should I do with this, do you think?
[ One day Jill will say "good boy" to Clive, and it will awaken something in him that will never go back to sleep. In the meantime, though, he basks in the sentiment of it, and rubs their noses together with warm affection.
Predictably: ] Anything you want.
[ His hand slides out from under her shirt, in a corroboration of his playful defenselessness. Clive raises both arms, hands where she can see them. ]
Perhaps I want to know what your mercy looks like.
My mercy may have looked like giving you a massage. We'll work on that, hmm?
[She teases him fondly, taking one of his hands to press a kiss to his palm. One day she'll get him to let her pamper him until he's nothing but a puddle. Oh, she'd love to bathe him, rub his shoulders, and curl up in a softer bed than this. Some day. Perhaps a strange fantasy to have, but takong care of the man that never puts himself first sounds divine.
She doesn't mean to make him feel any way about that, however. She understands. So, to keep the mood light, she playfully bites the soft part of his palm.]
I do have a complaint, however.
[Jill never complains. There's mischief in her eyes.]
[ One day, he'll learn how to accept unconditionality without immediately considering how he can reciprocate. For now, however, he'll look slightly sheepish for a breath of a moment before raising a brow in vague curiosity about her so-called complaint.
He drums his fingers along soft dove-blue hair, and tips his head. ]
[She plucks at the fabric of his shirt, like it's some alien thing.]
Why are you wearing it in bed? Our bed, at that.
[It's actually illegal. By now, Clive may have realized she very much enjoys him shirtless when they're alone. She loves to feel the warmth of his skin and to simply look at him without anything in between her eyes and his body.
Look, she's allowed to oogle him openly now, and she will. She's been polite for years.]
[ For a few seconds (longer than he'd care to admit), Clive stares down at Jill's fingers picking at his top, uncomprehending. His... shirt? It's no different from the ones he always wears, a simple white thing under his blood-red leathers. Very inoffensive.
Then, realization sits in. His eyes widen, lips parting just a sliver in a soundless oh, the question mark floating above his head replaced by a tiny exclamation mark.
Then, finally－ he laughs. Louder than usual, almost surprised that he can make the sound at all. ]
A good question. By the flames, the audacity of it.
[ He laughs again, shaking his head as he tries to sit up a bit. ] Will you do me the honors, my lady?
[Anything, to make him laugh. Jill smiles, very pleased with herself, and kindly sits so that he may sit up. It's back to straddling him, her hips on his, but she tries not to think of it overmuch as she pulls his shirt up and over his head.]
Ah. Much better.
[She throws that shirt aside. Won't need that for a while. Her eyes roam his bare abdomen and chest and shoulders before her hands follow.]
You're always so warm you must feel better without that, no?
[ Being bare in front of Jill barely registers anymore. As much as he thinks his build is nothing more or less special than the build of a soldier (surely most of the Cursebreakers also have six-pack abs), he's happy if Jill is happy.
Objectify him more, queen... He shivers a little when her palms run up over him, and it has nothing to do with the cold. ]
My present company tends to make me feel warm, regardless of what I'm wearing.
[Very funny, Clive. Jill laughs, hands resting on his chest. She wishes he wasn't littered with scars, and that he didn't need to have a body so strong, but she's quite fond of it. It's why she's so eager to pamper him when others are less considerate of his comfort.]
You're a handsome man. The clothing just gets in the way.
[She's nothing but honest. Even if saying so makes her cheeks rosy.]
So says the most beautiful woman in all of Valisthea.
[ To the tune of "have you looked in a mirror lately?" Sometimes he wonders how he could even have managed to turn a sword against Jill when he was still a Branded slave under Sanbreque's control― gods, he'd been so numb and out of his mind back then. How he could have managed not to see her for who she was is unthinkable now.
He reaches up, palm pressed to the warmth of her flush. It's rare to see her like this, given her usual poise and grace. ]
Will you also show yourself to me? Or am I meant to heel for a little while longer?
[The only reason her hands leave his chest is so that she can hold his hand steady while she turns her face to kiss his palm. Once, Anabella used beauty to demean her. A savage, but likely to grow up into something some lesser noble would wish to wed. A pawn, as always. A pretty thing to be kept and used.
Clive's always seen her, before all else.
But it's still nice to know he likes what he sees.]
You're not a dog. [A good boy, as cute as Torgal, but she's not his master. He can heel if he so pleases.] And I'm glad for it. You have two hands, don't you?
[She nips at his palm before letting go and shucking off her vest for him. It's a little more complicated than the shirt beneath.]
[ Not a dog, but her good boy. It makes him smile a bit to think of it, and he waits until Jill is finished with her vest to undo the minimal laces of her shirt. It gets pulled off, slowly, leaving her in her underthings. ]
More than just two hands.
[ A murmur, as he leans forward to kiss her navel, and then nose up between her breasts. Soft here, too; every bit of her feels good to touch. ]
I used to think about you, you know. When I had needs.
[ Him, his stuttering and shy imagination, and his right hand. ]
[Much more than just two hands. His mouth has been a pleasant discovery, be it on her own or elsewhere, and she shivers when he rubs against her skin. It takes everything in her power not to shove him back down onto the bed and have her way with him. Manners, Jill. Manners.
Not that she imagines he'd mind. She smiles and runs the fingers of both hands through his dark hair, looking him over fondly.]
Is that so? Will you tell me in more detail, Clive?
[ He glances up from where he has his mouth on Jill's collarbone, kissing the rise of it with quiet reverence, when he's asked to continue. For a moment, he looks slightly uncertain― is it appropriate to tell the object of his affections how, well, he'd objectified her in the past?― but he sees the look on Jill's face, the open lack of judgment, and he tries to find the words. ]
I... [ His face feels a bit hotter, suddenly. ] ...I would remember how soft you'd feel whenever you leaned on me, or allowed me to hold you.
[ Silly, boyish things. Like being aroused by an ankle showing. ]
I could only get my pleasure by imagining you. [ A little hitch in his voice, as he thinks back to past instances of desperate, graceless masturbation. ]
[Clive is the only man that could make this sound so sweet. Jill's flattered, really. He has no idea how desirable he himself is. He's so respectful and careful with her--she only feels her affection grow.]
And now you can do a lot more than hold me. I'm yours.
[She presses a kiss to the bridge of his nose, playful and fond.]
My needs used to be few and far between. [ Hard to get a boner about anything with all the tragedies they have to put up with on the regular. Rubbing one out after a particularly potent adrenaline rush was usually the most of it.
That said: ] Now, though―
[ He cups the back of Jill's neck, keeping her close to him. ] ―I feel a need for you, constantly. Like you've broken something in me that was keeping it all at bay.
[ Local repressed man is in love with the woman of his dreams. ]
[Lucky for him, the woman of his dreams is absolutely enraptured with him. Leaning in to press their foreheads together, she lets her eyes close, happy to be the cause of something breaking. There are many things in Clive that need to heal, but more than a few things that need to break, first.]
Then it's good that we'll be sharing these quarters. All you need do is reach for me. [Theoretically, she should be right here.] You've ensured I don't keep up my good behavior.
[Not once!!! Has she reaches for his morning wood despite being Very Aware of it. That will likely change.]
[ She really is hell-bent on spoiling him. Crazy. He still can't imagine being audacious enough to roll her over and reach for her whenever he feels a little frisky (they still need to, like, work), but the thought of being permitted is a thrill of its own.
And, well. Since she mentioned it: ]
Ah. [ His brows hike. ] ...Now I'd like to know what you're like when you misbehave.
[ Jill???? Misbehaving???? She has ever been the picture of poise and grace, elegant even when running a sword through a man she swore vengeance on. Clive tries to imagine it, and it makes him grin despite himself. ]
Why do you look so amused? Do you think I'm stretching the truth?
[She teases, as if he'd ever think her capable of a lie. She isn't. Not with him. Just for that (for what?), she pinches his cheeks, fingers at either side of his handsome face. Is that misbehaving or being a brat? Hard to say.]
[ A laugh, as he feels her delicate fingers stretching his face sideways. He must look a besotted fool, but he doesn't care. ]
―It makes me happy, to see you so unreserved. [ Is that a rude thing to say? He settles his hands on Jill's thighs, gripping lightly where she's straddled over him. ] Trust me when I say that I'd like to see you on your worst behavior.
[ That probably says far too much about him. Again, he doesn't care. ]
[He looks adorable. That boyish charm is on in full effect when he laughs, whether he realizes it or not.]
I'll say it likely involves me not keeping my hands to myself. You've no idea how many times I must remind myself to remain... polite. Especially when you've only just opened your eyes.
[Pouncing on him in public is out of the question, but she finds him nearly irresistible when there's still sleep in his eyes.]
[ Oh. Founder help him, he tries not to look as interested in that notion as he feels; it's obvious, though, by the way his temperature hikes under Jill's weight, as if just the thought of it made something fundamental inside of him light up. ]
In the early mornings? Jill.
[ Teasing, but also― again, interested. He dips back down again, and kisses a languid, affectionate line up from her navel and sideways towards her chest, over her heartbeat. ]
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And really, all he can think about is how happy she makes him. Genuinely and thoroughly. The kind of joy he never thought he could have, not after Phoenix Gate.
So he rolls them both, with him on his jack and Jill on his front, one hand still slid up the back of her shirt, the other around her waist. ]
I love you too, Jill.
[ Slowly, with feeling. And then－
－a flurry of kisses, more playful this time around. Pressed to the underside of her chin, then to her jaw, her ear, her hair. ]
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The onslaught of kisses makes her giggle. She nearly squeals with joy between his lips and his beard against her face, and while it tickles, she only leans into his silly affections. It's a side of Clive she doesn't get to see too often--their lives don't allow it very much, but she hopes to see more and more of it.
What better way to encourage it than being silly herself. She manages to kiss the corner of his mouth, at some point, but then grabs his chin to try and keep him still.]
Bold, to attack me when I have the advantage.
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Don't you always?
[ Have the advantage, he means. ] It's all I can do to find an opening.
[ A hum, knowing, and he traces his index slowly, deliberately, along Jill's perfect back. ]
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Yet I still have you at my mercy. What should I do with this, do you think?
[She already knows her answer.]
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Predictably: ] Anything you want.
[ His hand slides out from under her shirt, in a corroboration of his playful defenselessness. Clive raises both arms, hands where she can see them. ]
Perhaps I want to know what your mercy looks like.
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[She teases him fondly, taking one of his hands to press a kiss to his palm. One day she'll get him to let her pamper him until he's nothing but a puddle. Oh, she'd love to bathe him, rub his shoulders, and curl up in a softer bed than this. Some day. Perhaps a strange fantasy to have, but takong care of the man that never puts himself first sounds divine.
She doesn't mean to make him feel any way about that, however. She understands. So, to keep the mood light, she playfully bites the soft part of his palm.]
I do have a complaint, however.
[Jill never complains. There's mischief in her eyes.]
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He drums his fingers along soft dove-blue hair, and tips his head. ]
A complaint? I'd like to hear it.
[ Genuinely. He's very interested. ]
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[She plucks at the fabric of his shirt, like it's some alien thing.]
Why are you wearing it in bed? Our bed, at that.
[It's actually illegal. By now, Clive may have realized she very much enjoys him shirtless when they're alone. She loves to feel the warmth of his skin and to simply look at him without anything in between her eyes and his body.
Look, she's allowed to oogle him openly now, and she will. She's been polite for years.]
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Then, realization sits in. His eyes widen, lips parting just a sliver in a soundless oh, the question mark floating above his head replaced by a tiny exclamation mark.
Then, finally－ he laughs. Louder than usual, almost surprised that he can make the sound at all. ]
A good question. By the flames, the audacity of it.
[ He laughs again, shaking his head as he tries to sit up a bit. ] Will you do me the honors, my lady?
[ Strip him, please. ]
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Ah. Much better.
[She throws that shirt aside. Won't need that for a while. Her eyes roam his bare abdomen and chest and shoulders before her hands follow.]
You're always so warm you must feel better without that, no?
[Totally for his own benefit.]
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Objectify him more, queen... He shivers a little when her palms run up over him, and it has nothing to do with the cold. ]
My present company tends to make me feel warm, regardless of what I'm wearing.
[ A beat, and another chuckle. ] Or what I'm not.
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You're a handsome man. The clothing just gets in the way.
[She's nothing but honest. Even if saying so makes her cheeks rosy.]
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[ To the tune of "have you looked in a mirror lately?" Sometimes he wonders how he could even have managed to turn a sword against Jill when he was still a Branded slave under Sanbreque's control― gods, he'd been so numb and out of his mind back then. How he could have managed not to see her for who she was is unthinkable now.
He reaches up, palm pressed to the warmth of her flush. It's rare to see her like this, given her usual poise and grace. ]
Will you also show yourself to me? Or am I meant to heel for a little while longer?
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Clive's always seen her, before all else.
But it's still nice to know he likes what he sees.]
You're not a dog. [A good boy, as cute as Torgal, but she's not his master. He can heel if he so pleases.] And I'm glad for it. You have two hands, don't you?
[She nips at his palm before letting go and shucking off her vest for him. It's a little more complicated than the shirt beneath.]
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More than just two hands.
[ A murmur, as he leans forward to kiss her navel, and then nose up between her breasts. Soft here, too; every bit of her feels good to touch. ]
I used to think about you, you know. When I had needs.
[ Him, his stuttering and shy imagination, and his right hand. ]
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Not that she imagines he'd mind. She smiles and runs the fingers of both hands through his dark hair, looking him over fondly.]
Is that so? Will you tell me in more detail, Clive?
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I... [ His face feels a bit hotter, suddenly. ] ...I would remember how soft you'd feel whenever you leaned on me, or allowed me to hold you.
[ Silly, boyish things. Like being aroused by an ankle showing. ]
I could only get my pleasure by imagining you. [ A little hitch in his voice, as he thinks back to past instances of desperate, graceless masturbation. ]
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And now you can do a lot more than hold me. I'm yours.
[She presses a kiss to the bridge of his nose, playful and fond.]
I hope you'll come to me when you feel a need.
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My needs used to be few and far between. [ Hard to get a boner about anything with all the tragedies they have to put up with on the regular. Rubbing one out after a particularly potent adrenaline rush was usually the most of it.
That said: ] Now, though―
[ He cups the back of Jill's neck, keeping her close to him. ] ―I feel a need for you, constantly. Like you've broken something in me that was keeping it all at bay.
[ Local repressed man is in love with the woman of his dreams. ]
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Then it's good that we'll be sharing these quarters. All you need do is reach for me. [Theoretically, she should be right here.] You've ensured I don't keep up my good behavior.
[Not once!!! Has she reaches for his morning wood despite being Very Aware of it. That will likely change.]
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And, well. Since she mentioned it: ]
Ah. [ His brows hike. ] ...Now I'd like to know what you're like when you misbehave.
[ Jill???? Misbehaving???? She has ever been the picture of poise and grace, elegant even when running a sword through a man she swore vengeance on. Clive tries to imagine it, and it makes him grin despite himself. ]
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Why do you look so amused? Do you think I'm stretching the truth?
[She teases, as if he'd ever think her capable of a lie. She isn't. Not with him. Just for that (for what?), she pinches his cheeks, fingers at either side of his handsome face. Is that misbehaving or being a brat? Hard to say.]
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[ A laugh, as he feels her delicate fingers stretching his face sideways. He must look a besotted fool, but he doesn't care. ]
―It makes me happy, to see you so unreserved. [ Is that a rude thing to say? He settles his hands on Jill's thighs, gripping lightly where she's straddled over him. ] Trust me when I say that I'd like to see you on your worst behavior.
[ That probably says far too much about him. Again, he doesn't care. ]
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I'll say it likely involves me not keeping my hands to myself. You've no idea how many times I must remind myself to remain... polite. Especially when you've only just opened your eyes.
[Pouncing on him in public is out of the question, but she finds him nearly irresistible when there's still sleep in his eyes.]
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In the early mornings? Jill.
[ Teasing, but also― again, interested. He dips back down again, and kisses a languid, affectionate line up from her navel and sideways towards her chest, over her heartbeat. ]
You'd ruin me for the rest of the day.
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apologies for the slowness...! finally back from work-related traveling 🙏
welcome back!!! did you see the logos video the 16 team dropped yesterday 👀👀👀
I DID and i'm begging at SE's altar for content... clive journals about jill... ben starr please
if he doesn't go on about his wifey it's on sight, ben starr
i refuse to believe that clive's journals aren't 95% about wanting to kiss jill
this is canon tbh
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dear diary: we did it 💖
dear diary: we fucked and i cried about it 💖
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