It's indescribable, how that makes him feel. Warm, proud, full of purpose. Like he finally has the courage to do anything it takes to make sure that there's a kind, gentle world that he and Jill can live in until the end of their days, like he could endure anything just for the barest glimpse of Jill's smile.
He loves her. She must know― and she does. They've held this truth for ages now, sanctified it in their silence. But it bears saying, and more importantly, Clive wants to say it. Needs to. It's an emotion decades in the making, fortified and forged in pain and uncertainty and everything they've ever shared during a lifetime that's been more difficult than not.
He loves her. He lifts one hand off Jill's shoulder to brush a piece of hair from her face, and he thinks he must be trembling. ]
You are everything to me.
[ A thumb sweeps over the crest of her cheekbones. ]
My moon, my stars, my life. Jill― [ His breath shudders once, but steadies on the next exhale. ]
[She does know. She's never happier than she is beside him. These new days together, embracing the adoration and respect between them, have been some of the best of her life. As she looks upon the face of the man she loves, she can see how important she is to him, even without the words. It feels right. They're supposed to be together. Everything that's happened--good and bad--has led them here.
So, when he says the words, Jill isn't surprised. Her thumbs brush over his wrists, hoping he can feel it through his armor, her absolute love and support. He loves her, and she loves him, and all is right in the world. Jill can feel her eyes grow misty, smile rounding her cheeks, and she cuts the short distance between them to embrace him.]
Oh, I know. I know. I love you, too.
[She sighs because it is such a relief to finally say the words without stealing the moment from him. The thought makes her laugh, along with the giddy joy of hearing him say the words, and she squeezes him as tightly as she can.]
[ I know has never sounded so sweet, but it's beaten, handily, by I love you, too. His heart swells at the sight of her smile, and nearly bursts when she laughs and pulls her arms around him.
This is the moment he wants to remember until the day he dies. Clive returns the embrace, arms around her middle and face tucked into her hair, eyes a little moist from his own surplus of emotion; he keeps her there for as long as he can manage until the need to kiss her becomes too much to bear, and he dislodges himself for just long enough to tip Jill's chin and press their lips together, sweet and soft. ]
I love you, [ he murmurs again, between kisses. ] I love you, Jill.
[ Like he can't stop saying it, now that he has. It's ridiculous, unfitting of a man well into his thirties, but he doesn't care. ]
[ Clive finally relinquishes the kisses, mostly because he thinks he might smother Jill with them. A breath, slightly short, and he bumps foreheads with her briefly, rubbing noses before he allows her a bit more grace and space. ]
And if you'd do me the honor, may you love me for the rest of it.
[Oh. Oops. Jill's eyes widen as she realizes she's just caused a panic when she truly didn't mean to--and it makes her heart jump in turn. He's said yes, essentially, but she didn't mean to make him feel unprepared.]
Ah--[In her panic, she grabs his face. Calm!! They've got this.] Wait. It's alright. I didn't mean to put you on the spot, Clive.
[ Torn between polarities: being impossibly happy that Jill says yes, and a little mortified at himself for jumping the proverbial gun. Clive clears his throat, nuzzles against the palm of Jill's hand, and closes his eyes for a brief moment to regroup.
Panic, begone. Thirty-three years into his life, and he still feels like a boy in front of the woman he loves. ]
―When all of this is over. I promise you, Jill.
[ Rings, his future, a title that isn't Outlaw. He would like to be her husband, if only she'll let him. ]
[Like today. It's perfect, to her. A cool afternoon, quiet, private. In this place that meant so much to him. A place that still does. She takes advantage of having his face in her hands to pull him down for a kiss before she goes for another tight embrace, happy.]
I want to see the rest of the world with you, Clive. And, when the time comes, settle down together. Whatever that looks like.
[ No matter how many times they kiss, Clive's heart always flutters afterwards, as if it's the first time he's ever touched her. He wasn't lying when he'd said that she means everything to him, and telling her so here, in this small space where the world sometimes felt insurmountable, puts his current state of things in perspective.
He's lucky. Some people live a lifetime without knowing what it's like to put their heart in someone else's hands. He has never been defined by tragedy, because he'd always had the blessing of the woman he was meant to be with forever.
Nosing against Jill's hair, Clive nods. ]
We will. I'll make sure of it. [ His palm splays at the small of her back, firm and protective. ] ...And you'll have all the freshly-baked bread you can eat.
[There's little she wouldn't do to hear that laugh. She snuggles into his embrace, his chest, smiling. Always smiling, with him.]
Is that all it takes to keep me content?
[She teases. She does enjoy her bread--but she would prefer to sink her teeth into him. Convenient, then, that his bare neck is right here! She breathes out a laugh, moving her face to playfully nip at his skin.]
[ A new, exciting thing he's found about Jill, after all these years: she's a biter. It's a thrilling piece of information that Clive is, admittedly, very happy about－ he hasn't said anything for fear of making her think he's a freak, but he huffs pleasantly to the feeling of her teeth in his skin, and rewards her with a combing of fingers through her long hair. ]
I think it might make you happy. [ Obviously, bread is not going to be the end-all be-all of their relationship, but: ] I may even learn to bake, just to please you.
[To be fair, Jill's also found out she's a biter. Perhaps she is because he enjoys it so much, and she thoroughly enjoys getting shivers out of him. Her lips press to his skin after, as always. Affection to soothe the sting.]
Oh, let's not test the depths of your patience.
[Please, Clive. Jill believes in many things, but his ability to bake? Not so much. She laughs as she hugs him.]
I may even manage not to burn anything, [ is definitely an Ifrit-adjacent joke. Sometimes it still feels like it's too soon (it will always feel like it's too soon; Phoenix Gate still looms over him on restless, sleepless nights), but with Jill, even his past sins are easier to bear.
He pulls back, just for the luxury of looking at her. I adore you, he thinks, and the sentiment bleeds into the softening of his expression, the way his ocean-blue eyes gentle. ]
...We should go. I can feel the ghost of my childhood self starting to get jealous.
[ It's a sweet sentiment; Clive almost doesn't know what to do with it. But he takes Jill's hand and squeezes it, reassuring her that he appreciates her more than she'll ever know. ]
He'd turn beet-red and go silent, I think.
[ Hopeless. Clive still feels inclined to turn beet-red and go silent, sometimes. ]
That boy had no idea how to express himself around you when he was fifteen.
I think you still would have frozen like that until relatively recently.
[Even her teasing him is done sweetly, her fingers lacing between his. They're both too shy for their own good, sometimes. Not so much with one another anymore. Thankfully.
Her boots almost manage a step before she pauses. Who knows when they'll be here again? She looks to Clive.]
[ Accurately called out... another thing Clive is figuring out about himself: he likes being heckled by Jill. It speaks to the fact that she isn't holding her thoughts back as much as she might have before, and feels comfortable enough to demur.
A low laugh, bemused, and then－ a glance over his shoulder at the scattered items still sitting where they used to be in childhood. He gives it some thought, then lets go of Jill's hand to crouch in front of one of the few wooden toys on the floor.
The rocking horse is what he decides on. He straightens up, and holds it up for Jill's appraisal. ]
I could put it next to Little Torgal.
[ the lumpy stuffed toy that he'd brought back to Jill before. it strikes him that he should probably ask Jill to share quarters with him, at some point. ]
[A good choice. Jill reaches out to thumb away some dust, glad he wants to bring something of this place to their home.]
A reminder of two of my favorite days.
[Perhaps a little out of order, falling into bed one day and then saying I love you on another, but they spent enough of their lives following imaginary rules. They can live as they choose.]
You've made me the happiest woman to ever live, Clive.
[ Every time he thinks he couldn't possibly adore her more, Jill reaches into his heart and makes it grow two times the size of what it was before. It's likely that normal men and women don't fumble for more than two decades with something as simple as being the most important people in each other's lives, but this thing that they have, that they made together―
―this is perfect. Crystalline and everlasting, more so than the big rocks they've been shattering for the past five years. ]
May that hold true, forever.
[ Not just in this moment, but for the rest of her life. He hugs her waist, and rests his lips against the crown of her head. ]
Were you? You're three years older than me. I would think it was I that was born to love you.
[Maybe born to lose her family, to endure the pain and misery of the Iron Islands, but to ultimately be with Clive, always. It makes it all seem worthwhile. Especially when she's in his arms, and she feels like nothing bad could possibly happen again.]
Perhaps you were born to be loved by me. I think that sounds better.
[Finally, someone in service to him. It needn't always be him serving others. Doing for others.]
[ "To be loved". That's new. Especially in this little hut, where the biggest of his problems was that he was a son that was incapable of being loved. Born and bypassed. He isn't bitter about it― Joshua has always been a blessing in his life, ever since he was born－ but it's the sort of thing that has become the unmovable truth of 'Clive Rosfield's' makeup.
Not so, though, according to Jill. And she often sees things so clearly. ]
A compromise, then, [ as he leads her towards the ladder leading back down to tall island grass and long-untrodden ground. ] We were born to love one another.
[ Because they're both stubborn, and he'd like them to agree on this silly little semantic thing. ]
Very well. [Jill laughs as her boots touch grass. She could very well be stubborn, but he's likely not wrong. The moment he joins her, her hand reaches for his. It's been nice to touch him so openly at the Hideaway, to let her hand linger on his at a table. It's still just as nice in private, just the two of them.] We were born to love one another.
[At his question, she pulls herself closer to him, humming with approval.]
I was hoping you'd ask. I can't imagine sleeping apart after today. [Which almost sounds like she's saying always, she realizes, and quickly continues.] I mean, for tonight.
[ It is still his bed. And still his room and office, ostensibly. But: ]
If you won't miss having your own space, [ for a given value of "own", since the Hideaway is getting more and more crowded with each new catastrophe that happens on both sides of the Twins, ] I'd like it if you shared mine.
[ Indefinitely, obviously. He glances down at Jill, and he's both tentative but hopeful－ the invisible Torgal ears are pricked up in anticipation of a yes. ]
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It's indescribable, how that makes him feel. Warm, proud, full of purpose. Like he finally has the courage to do anything it takes to make sure that there's a kind, gentle world that he and Jill can live in until the end of their days, like he could endure anything just for the barest glimpse of Jill's smile.
He loves her. She must know― and she does. They've held this truth for ages now, sanctified it in their silence. But it bears saying, and more importantly, Clive wants to say it. Needs to. It's an emotion decades in the making, fortified and forged in pain and uncertainty and everything they've ever shared during a lifetime that's been more difficult than not.
He loves her. He lifts one hand off Jill's shoulder to brush a piece of hair from her face, and he thinks he must be trembling. ]
You are everything to me.
[ A thumb sweeps over the crest of her cheekbones. ]
My moon, my stars, my life. Jill― [ His breath shudders once, but steadies on the next exhale. ]
―I love you.
😭😭😭😭😭😭
So, when he says the words, Jill isn't surprised. Her thumbs brush over his wrists, hoping he can feel it through his armor, her absolute love and support. He loves her, and she loves him, and all is right in the world. Jill can feel her eyes grow misty, smile rounding her cheeks, and she cuts the short distance between them to embrace him.]
Oh, I know. I know. I love you, too.
[She sighs because it is such a relief to finally say the words without stealing the moment from him. The thought makes her laugh, along with the giddy joy of hearing him say the words, and she squeezes him as tightly as she can.]
🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹
This is the moment he wants to remember until the day he dies. Clive returns the embrace, arms around her middle and face tucked into her hair, eyes a little moist from his own surplus of emotion; he keeps her there for as long as he can manage until the need to kiss her becomes too much to bear, and he dislodges himself for just long enough to tip Jill's chin and press their lips together, sweet and soft. ]
I love you, [ he murmurs again, between kisses. ] I love you, Jill.
[ Like he can't stop saying it, now that he has. It's ridiculous, unfitting of a man well into his thirties, but he doesn't care. ]
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I love you, Clive.
[And how easy and effortless that is.]
I can't imagine not loving you. I've loved you nearly my whole life.
[Even when she thought him dead. Even at his worst, when he thought he killed his brother. Nothing could change how she feels.]
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And if you'd do me the honor, may you love me for the rest of it.
[ Together, always. ]
I want my life to be yours.
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Careful. Those sound like vows, Clive.
[... are they?]
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I－ [ Invisible dog ears droop. ] ―They are. As much of them as I can make in the moment, mind.
[ Fumbling a little: ] ―I've no rings ready. [ Malewife panic!!! ]
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Ah--[In her panic, she grabs his face. Calm!! They've got this.] Wait. It's alright. I didn't mean to put you on the spot, Clive.
[She laughs, jittery, apologetic.]
The answer would be yes, always.
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Panic, begone. Thirty-three years into his life, and he still feels like a boy in front of the woman he loves. ]
―When all of this is over. I promise you, Jill.
[ Rings, his future, a title that isn't Outlaw. He would like to be her husband, if only she'll let him. ]
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[Like today. It's perfect, to her. A cool afternoon, quiet, private. In this place that meant so much to him. A place that still does. She takes advantage of having his face in her hands to pull him down for a kiss before she goes for another tight embrace, happy.]
I want to see the rest of the world with you, Clive. And, when the time comes, settle down together. Whatever that looks like.
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He's lucky. Some people live a lifetime without knowing what it's like to put their heart in someone else's hands. He has never been defined by tragedy, because he'd always had the blessing of the woman he was meant to be with forever.
Nosing against Jill's hair, Clive nods. ]
We will. I'll make sure of it. [ His palm splays at the small of her back, firm and protective. ] ...And you'll have all the freshly-baked bread you can eat.
[ A small, shy laugh. ]
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Is that all it takes to keep me content?
[She teases. She does enjoy her bread--but she would prefer to sink her teeth into him. Convenient, then, that his bare neck is right here! She breathes out a laugh, moving her face to playfully nip at his skin.]
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I think it might make you happy. [ Obviously, bread is not going to be the end-all be-all of their relationship, but: ] I may even learn to bake, just to please you.
[ haha jk (unless...?) ]
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Oh, let's not test the depths of your patience.
[Please, Clive. Jill believes in many things, but his ability to bake? Not so much. She laughs as she hugs him.]
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He pulls back, just for the luxury of looking at her. I adore you, he thinks, and the sentiment bleeds into the softening of his expression, the way his ocean-blue eyes gentle. ]
...We should go. I can feel the ghost of my childhood self starting to get jealous.
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She nods, slipping one of her hands into his.]
I wish I could take that boy in my arms and reassure him he's loved. That he'll be alright.
[She'll never forgive Anabella. Or Elwin, she thinks. But that she'll keep that to herself.]
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He'd turn beet-red and go silent, I think.
[ Hopeless. Clive still feels inclined to turn beet-red and go silent, sometimes. ]
That boy had no idea how to express himself around you when he was fifteen.
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[Even her teasing him is done sweetly, her fingers lacing between his. They're both too shy for their own good, sometimes. Not so much with one another anymore. Thankfully.
Her boots almost manage a step before she pauses. Who knows when they'll be here again? She looks to Clive.]
Would you like to bring anything back with us?
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A low laugh, bemused, and then－ a glance over his shoulder at the scattered items still sitting where they used to be in childhood. He gives it some thought, then lets go of Jill's hand to crouch in front of one of the few wooden toys on the floor.
The rocking horse is what he decides on. He straightens up, and holds it up for Jill's appraisal. ]
I could put it next to Little Torgal.
[ the lumpy stuffed toy that he'd brought back to Jill before. it strikes him that he should probably ask Jill to share quarters with him, at some point. ]
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A reminder of two of my favorite days.
[Perhaps a little out of order, falling into bed one day and then saying I love you on another, but they spent enough of their lives following imaginary rules. They can live as they choose.]
You've made me the happiest woman to ever live, Clive.
[Dramatic? Perhaps. Yet Jill means every word.]
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―this is perfect. Crystalline and everlasting, more so than the big rocks they've been shattering for the past five years. ]
May that hold true, forever.
[ Not just in this moment, but for the rest of her life. He hugs her waist, and rests his lips against the crown of her head. ]
I was born to love you.
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[Maybe born to lose her family, to endure the pain and misery of the Iron Islands, but to ultimately be with Clive, always. It makes it all seem worthwhile. Especially when she's in his arms, and she feels like nothing bad could possibly happen again.]
Perhaps you were born to be loved by me. I think that sounds better.
[Finally, someone in service to him. It needn't always be him serving others. Doing for others.]
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Not so, though, according to Jill. And she often sees things so clearly. ]
A compromise, then, [ as he leads her towards the ladder leading back down to tall island grass and long-untrodden ground. ] We were born to love one another.
[ Because they're both stubborn, and he'd like them to agree on this silly little semantic thing. ]
...Will you stay with me in my quarters today?
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[At his question, she pulls herself closer to him, humming with approval.]
I was hoping you'd ask. I can't imagine sleeping apart after today. [Which almost sounds like she's saying always, she realizes, and quickly continues.] I mean, for tonight.
[It's still his bed.]
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If you won't miss having your own space, [ for a given value of "own", since the Hideaway is getting more and more crowded with each new catastrophe that happens on both sides of the Twins, ] I'd like it if you shared mine.
[ Indefinitely, obviously. He glances down at Jill, and he's both tentative but hopeful－ the invisible Torgal ears are pricked up in anticipation of a yes. ]
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apologies for the slowness...! finally back from work-related traveling 🙏
welcome back!!! did you see the logos video the 16 team dropped yesterday 👀👀👀
I DID and i'm begging at SE's altar for content... clive journals about jill... ben starr please
if he doesn't go on about his wifey it's on sight, ben starr
i refuse to believe that clive's journals aren't 95% about wanting to kiss jill
this is canon tbh
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dear diary: we did it 💖
dear diary: we fucked and i cried about it 💖
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